Healing Hearts

A not-so-young woman turns the knob into the office of her new job. Healing hearts has never been easy, but this particular job oozed simplicity. On the recruiting sheet, it read:

Loyal, handsome husband needing lots of love.

How perfect, she thought as she sent in her resume. A resume filled to the brim with love. Her whole life, she had been loved and was eager to share that love with someone else. But she had never loved someone broken. She had only known the pure love of family, the most natural of love. Naive was what she was.

As she interviewed for the position, she was only slightly nervous, as one usually is for these things. However, before asking questions, they gave her more details:

He will never ask you to cook for him.

He will never be jealous of your light.

He will protect you at all costs.

He has a strong desire to have a family and be a great father.

He has a great sense of humor.

He will give you anything you ask within his means.

And, of course, he will never cheat on you.

This shit just seems too good to be true, is what she should have thought. But like all who desire a fantasy, she jumped right in, listing why she was qualified.

I can cook if needed.

I've grown out of my jealousy.

I will always fight for our love.

I am a wonderful mother.

I am possibly the funniest person alive.

I don't ask for much.

I have never cheated.

Knowing the last line was a lie, she squirmed a bit uncomfortably unnoticed. She had cheated a lot, but honestly, she had never been in a real relationship with a man. So technically, you couldn't really call that cheating. But honestly, she never found one that was worthy of her time. But this guy, wow, he could really have her turn a new leaf. She had wanted a new job for a while now. Healing hearts of friends and family were starting to become tedious and tiresome. She heard that in the love department, the benefits were excellent.

And seriously, what could be difficult about a loyal man? Isn't he the man everyone dreams of? Handsome and loyal were always top priorities when looking for men. She had known many men like this in the friends and family department working near them but never for them.

But change is the only constant in life. So as the interviewers nonchalantly give her the job, she internally explodes with glee. Thoughts run rampant through her mind.

I'm bout to slay this shit.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy

It's about to be off the fo heezy

Monday comes quickly, and she clocks in. Not surprisingly, she finds the first month wonderful. This man oozes everything she ever wanted. And as she feels her heart weaken for him, trouble starts as it always does in paradise.

After a year of easy work, things take a shift. This perfect man ain't seeming so perfect anymore.

He doesn't seem to observe much of anything.

He can be a bit selfish.

He has no clue how intimacy works.

He can be pretty dull.

His trauma is monumental.

Why did no one mention how hard his childhood was?

He is stubborn as hell.

He seems to care more about his friends than his family.

This was not how things were supposed to end up. She found herself fucking up at work more and more. Creating more arguments, stress, and just overall unpleasantness. It was absolutely insane because he was still very much all the wonderful things advertised. It was infuriating. She felt her own heartbreaking with disappointment.

She began to question herself. Everything was supposed to be perfect. He was perfect. Even in all his flaws, his system ran like clockwork. He loved her despite her own imperfections. Why was it so hard for her to do the same for him?

Am I really spoiled?

Am I really selfish?

Am I really an angry person?

Could I possibly still have a jealousy streak?

Am I possessive?

And of course, the classic

Am I crazy?

The self-reflection only made her angrier. The anger fueled her work, causing pain to chip his heart. That was against the rules. She would get fired at this rate, but she hated how he made her feel sometimes. She was only trying to love him. Heal him, just like the job had required. Nothing she did seem to work. She tried being more tender, more understanding, but the pain continuously increased.

One night walking home from work, she saw an ad in the paper.

Help needed healing fragile, beautiful woman's heart.

Beautiful and strong-willed.

Stubborn.

No self-awareness.

Sensitive.

Optimistic.

Very intimate and tender.

Best mother you could ever ask.

Needs help to learn to love herself.

Tears filled her eyes. She was her. He was looking for help for her. All that anger dissipated. Nothing had worked because her heart was not as healed as she thought. She was broken. Just as he was. She ran back to work, panting, ready to put in work. Overtime was much needed.

We often believe two broken pieces create a whole. But that whole is incomplete and dependent on the other side. We are to be two separate beings, complete independently but improved together.

Healing hearts is never easy, but healing yourself is constant growth that fucking hurts. And while work has improved, it certainly isn't complete. So, what part of yourself will you work on today? You can't heal a heart without healing your own.