Hate turns into Love

So, I have always been the quiet kind of guy. I would not say I like to interact too much. Yes, you can call me an introvert.

So, the story started when we shifted to another place, and I went to a new high school. I could only interact with a few people during my starting days as I could not adapt to the environment. I used to remain quiet most of the time, minding my business.

The class was irritating. So, this one day, one of our teachers got irritated by the class and changed our seats. The new seating arrangement was made, and boys and girls were paired together.

Here started the story, I was made to sit with this girl. She was too talkative that she wouldn’t stop talking. Even though I didn’t reply much to what she used to say, she still kept talking most of the time. I think that’s why I was paired with her.

I started to hate her. I began to hate her voice as she used to talk endlessly. She used to laugh at the silliest things ever. And I used to curse her for this inside my mind every time it happened. But I didn’t have the strength to get up and ask to change my seat.

Time passed. Things were mostly the same. The difference was that I became habitual of her habits and nature.

After 2–3 months, we shifted back to our own arrangement. She wasn’t a problem for me anymore. I was OK with it. I didn’t use to care much for these things anyway.

Everything was fine for the year until I started to have some feelings for her. It was the last year of school. Yes, I had a crush on the same girl. A huge crush. I couldn’t ignore it anyhow.

Suddenly, that voice, that laughter, and that smile started to mean a lot to me. She was becoming the reason I used to go to school every day. And the day she was on leave, I cursed myself for not being able to predict the future. Oh lord! Yes, her absence affected me a lot. So did her presence.

She and my best friend were good friends. This made it possible for me to talk to her sometimes. Eventually, we became good friends.

Then there was this moment, the moment of happiness for me. I truly felt that she has a crush on me too. Her gaze had some words to express. Her smile explained so much. Sadly, I was still weak. I couldn’t talk to her about it.

We started to talk over texts every day and even after classes too. I was happy. But we never talked about love or relationships, but it all felt nice. I was too attached to her to be anything but close to her.

The story was good until a third person entered. He was the opposite of me and had confidence. This was quite enough to change the story, and it did change it.

Moving forward, things worked out for both of them. I was left aside, alone. Yes, I was broken, shattered, and whatnot. It felt like hell. It felt like the end. I felt like I could never ever feel happy again. I just remembered that I had to smile, laugh, and sleep. Things were going nowhere.

We still used to talk over texts sometimes. I tried my best to behave normally. She did not know about my feelings for her; my priority was friendship.

Again, after two months, we were getting close. This time very, very close. I was unsure about what was happening, but it owned me anyway. I hopped in without giving it a single thought. And again, we did not talk about love or relationships, but it gave me the best feeling to be so close to her.

Then, Again? Yes, again. Again. Again. It happened again. But this time, even worse. This time my academics was affected a lot. My score was going down and down. I had questions, but the only answer I could give was silence. My health was severely affected. But Life moved on anyway.

I’m not going to mention that it happened once again. All of it. The same cycle. And I don’t want to be reminded about how foolish I’ve been.

I give away way too many chances to people, whether they deserve it. I am just too weak to let it all go. I struggle to keep things close to me or feel lonely. I cannot stand that, so I try my best even though I know how it will end.

Today, here I am. 1000 KM away from her. Ya, we shifted back again after my school finished. Today, I miss that same voice, that same smile, that one day I used to hate more than anything else. Today, seeing her again feels like a dream. I am urged to listen to the same voice and gaze into her eyes again, but maybe that’s not a part of the story.

So yes, I fell in true love with someone I initially hated. The story had to meet its end.