Fish and chips

There’s a girl that works across the road from my dad’s butcher shop.


It’s a sticky fish and chip shop that specialises in scallops with chicken salt.
 The tiled floor is almost black but they’re meant to be blue.


Whenever I’m hanging out at the shop she always runs over to talk to me.


I’m too naive to know the signs of flirtation but all the guys that work for my dad says that she has a crush on me.


Shane, a 20-something guy who’s 6ft tall and has a naked girl calendar hanging over his coatrack in the lunch room tells me that I should ask her out but I get nervous at the prospect of what a date might entail so I run into the cool room and throw rolled up balls of mince at the walls.


On Valentine’s Day Felicity runs across the road with a greasy bag of scallops and we sit outside my dad’s shop and eat them. 


As I’m licking the MSG off of my fingertips she hands me a note with a giant red love heart drawn on it. 


In the top right hand corner my initials sit idly in pink cursive font.


Not knowing what to do, I say thank you and run home.


My mum tells me she’s practically mine at this point and urges me to ask her out.


Girls always have to be the one’s to be asked out, she says.


The next day I walk into the fish and chip shop and ask her to follow me out into the alley way where I always see her dad smoke cigarettes while chugging cans of fizzy drink and yelling into his mobile phone. 


Before I even get to ask her out she asks me to come to a dance party with her this weekend. 


It’s called The Mercury and they play lots of Nelly and Fiddy Cent, she tells me.


When she says Fiddy she does a strange hand gesture I've only seen in rap videos.

You can stay at mine afterwards, she says battering her eyelashes.


When I ask my parents if I can stay at her place they practically jump up and down.


Trying to get them to say no, I tell them the party will probably involve youngsters swigging alcohol out of plastic bottles and maybe a bit of grinding.
 It’s all part of growing up love, they say.


The next day mum takes me to David Jones to buy a new shirt and we settle on a silk red shirt that’s two sizes too big. 


That night I spray way too much Lynx Africa on myself and use an entire tub of hair gel on my curls. 


I’m shaking as I wave goodbye to my parents who are waving so enthusiastically on the front pooch, no doubt rejoicing in the fact that a girl has shown interest in me.


The party is at the back of an RSL and it costs $15 to get in. 


The bouncer at the door draws an X on my hand which widens in the pores of my skin.


Once inside Felicity introduces me to her friends who are congregating around a tall round table. 


They’re all wearing tight denim skirts and white tops with plunging neck lines and tassels. 


Felicity asks one of them right in front of me if they think I’m cute and the friend stares at me, blinks and shakes her head.


I go to the bathrooms and sit on the toilet for a while. 
My mum texts me telling me how it’s going and I say soooo much fun!


Felicity has disappeared and I wander around the room, watching everyone talking and dancing together.


I imagine what they’re all talking about. 
Young people aren’t that interesting. 


I see Felicity’s friends haven’t left the round table and they’re all staring at me and one is hysterically laughing and I walk back into the toilet.


I sit and get out my Nokia 3315 and play snake for a while.


I remember someone telling me from school that if you get the snake around the entire screen then you get a new phone for free off the guys at Telstra so I play a few games before going back out.

The first thing I see when I get out onto the dance floor is Felicity kissing another guy. 


He has icy blonde hair, is tall and is wearing a shell necklace that cool surfers wear.


My sister had told me to buy one and wear it to school - which I did - but I carried it in the front pocket of my bag too nervous to wear it.


One afternoon on the bus to sport, I took it out of my bag and carefully and silently clasped it around my neck.


What’s that, a girl said laughing and pointing to my neck.


Pretending to scratch my neck, I unclasped the necklace and put it back into my bag.


The DJ is pumping Hot In Herre and people are furiously grinding their bodies up against each other. 


A girl is holding onto her pink cowboy hat with the tips of her nails and shaking her hips like a serpent rising out of a wicker box. 


Felicity has her arms around the surfer’s waist and her hands tucked into his back pockets as they sway and swap saliva.


The song fades into JaRule and Ashanti’s Mesmerize.


As I stand at the edge of the room watching them kiss, two girls from my school approach me and ask who I came with.


I tell them I came with someone and point to Felicity who’s swishing her hips into the surfer’s grind like a jack hammer.
 The girls both laugh before walking away.


I find a vending machine that sells hot chocolates for 50c in white styrofoam cups and I pay for one, slurp it down before immediately ordering another.


I walk back into the bathroom and sit on the toilet, this time for an hour.

My mum keeps messaging me and I tell her about the hot chocolates and Nelly and she says it sounds like I’m having a really fun Friday night.


Someone sits down into the cubicle beside me and does a huge shit.


Is Wade in here?


Felicity is yelling into the toilets from the door.


A guy who’s standing at the urinal yells hey is there a Wade in here? 


I wait for a while before replying, yep, I’m in here and I’m okay.


Felicity says okay and that she’ll be waiting right outside when I’m ready.


I wait another five minutes before flushing the toilet and leave the bathroom. 


Outside Felicity is standing against the wall and asks if I’m ok.


I’m fine I say, did you want a hot chocolate? 
She says she’s going to go talk to her friend and points to the guy standing with his arms folded, his biceps practically splitting open the sleeves of his Volcom t-shirt, and I say oh ok cool, that’s fine. I’ll talk to you later? 


Felicity has already sprinted over to the guy before I say any of that.


Feeling someone watching me out of my peripherals, I turn and see the girls from school who standing in the line to the girls bathroom had just witnessed my entire interaction with Felicity.


One of them laughs and whispers into the other girls ear who then snorts and looks at me.
 I go over to the vending machine and order another hot chocolate.

While the brown liquid trickles into the cup I get a message from Felicity telling me she’s gone back to Trents house. 
Aren’t I staying at your house? I reply.


Not wanting to sound too keen, I send a seperate message with a smiley face.


Mum can come pick you up whenever you’re ready, she says.
 Just tell her I’ve gone back to a friends house, she sends in another text.
Promise????????????????

Yep no worries, I reply.
 She then sends a love heart made out of a < and a 3.
 I call her mum immediately after who sounds like I’ve woken her from a deep sleep and when she arrives to pick me up her hair is a birds nest and she’s wearing a pink dressing gown.

On the way back home she never asks me where Felicity is, she just puts a Bing Crosby CD in and turns it up.
 I sleep in the downstairs spare bedroom, the place has low ceilings and dark brick walls that give off a damp smell.


In the morning, Felicity’s mum makes me a bowl of cornflakes and a glass of orange juice which makes me feel sick.
 I get mum to pick me up. 


On the way back, mum asks me how my night was and I respond with, it was so good, I saw some friends from school too!


Oh, Mr popular hehe, she responds before turning the radio on.


As song called Luca is on.
 It’s about a boy who is getting beaten up by her father, mum says.

Really listen to the lyrics, she adds.


I picture a boy getting beaten up by his father all the way home.


Felicity never texts me again and she stops coming over to the butcher shop. 


One day, as I’m sitting out the front I see her playing in the alley way next to the shop, she’s on the phone and laughing and hitting the toe of her pink converses up agains the brick wall.

I wave to her even though she doesn't look over at me.


That day I threw twice as many mince balls at the walls in the cool room.