Feelings don’t lie but I did

I remember staying in a shelter on skid Row, it was called the Mission.

there I met a young lady who made me feel a little bit more different about myself she did things for me that my wife didn’t and this is probably not a good idea to engage in but what can I say I wasn’t thinking with my heart.

I dismiss my wife and her feelings in whatever we were going through I decided to pursue this young lady, along with me and another individual who decided to pursue this young lady.

what the hell was I thinking, I really don’t know that’s a question I still ask myself because yet to this day I think I kind of still think about her every now and then, when I watch a episode of moesha.

she reminds me of her.

yet she ended up with the other individual, and I’m still married so what the hell am I thinking now, still can’t answer that question but yet let me get back to the story where it all started.

we first step foot into the shelter she was so kind she was so giggly, bubbly, and understanding.

after being there for three months I approached her because I became friends with the individual who she is now dating.

we both were going to pursue her the individual asked me to be the wing man and ask the young lady out. So I go to the office and say “hey this person said they like you and they like to take you out,” but then some thing in me had to intervene with that and I said “ you know what I don’t feel like they deserve you so let me be the one who takes you out”, so she said yes I said word, meet me at Dave & Buster’s.

Well at Dave and Buster’s the individual was nervous she said “the only reason she coming is because you asked her” I said” no man she’s coming to you.

then I kind of got out of hand started kissing her neck grabbing her ass shit lead from one thing to another.

in my mind at the time it wasn’t wrong it felt right though every chance she got she reminded me that I was married but it didn’t stop and our conversations went on to being in each others DM’s.

I think the feelings that we started to share for each other were just a little bit too much and then the drama came.

when other individual found out that I was trying to pursuing the young lady we started to fall out we were no longer friends.

the individual wanted to fight me.

things just got out of hand. Till this day I don’t feel like the individual still deserves her but I defile my marriage.

It was the worst thing that I’ve ever have done because in the mist of it my wife lost her grandparents and I was just thinking about my own roofless and selfish feelings not considering the fact that my wife just lost two people in her life that she love the most.

going to the funeral and having to express to my wife that I fucked up was that the right time to tell her?

Was that even the right moment to express? “hey babe I fucked up I did something wrong and I want to let you know that I put a stop to it” I wasn’t thinking about anyone but myself. It was the worst moments in my life going on into this new year of 2020 the craziest thing.

I don’t know if I want to take it back to this day I still don’t know if I want to take it back.

what’s done is done and how I feel is how I feel but at the end the day I would never know because I’m married and she’s with someone else.