Exceptions

I have these recurring thoughts, where the boy of my dreams will just magically show up on my door step. My mom, will come into my room and tell me I have a visitor. I have no clue what she is talking about even though I have been thinking about this moment for years. I go open the door and he is standing there. He is all dressed nice, with flowers in his hand. He smiles at me and even though I’m not dressed the cutest, meaning wearing a hoodie and sweats or jeans whatever I am m my most comfortable in, he looks at me like he has never looked at me before. I smile just staring at him asking him

“What are you doing here?”

Even though I have a vague idea, I think the flowers gave it away. He smiles and looks down at the flowers completely avoiding eye contact with me.

“I…um wanted to ask you something.” He says.

“Oh, yeah?” I say looking down at the ground and back up at him.

“Yeah, um uh…I have liked you for a while now and there is something that I have been meaning to ask you but I have been to scared too…Adelaide will you go out with me?” He says handing me flowers still avoiding eye contact with me. I stare at him and the flowers for second just to take in the moment because stuff like this does not happen in real life.

“Of course.” I say grabbing the flowers and hugging him.

My smile is as wide as it has ever been… I got my happily ever after even if it was just few moments. My mind is once again taken from me because I am not the girl the guy chooses… I’m not even the second choice. The guys always want someone prettier, someone hotter, someone with more experience. Someone who is not me. I am just me. Stuck in my parents house. Stuck in this small town with boys who do not even know I exist. I want out…I need out.

In these thoughts that I have had for years the boy always changes over time but nothing else does. I guess that says something about me and how much of a romantic I am. It makes me wonder if I will ever get a boyfriend who will be able to live up to the person I created in my head or will I just be stuck on the idea of him and nothing else. I begin to wonder if in the nineteen plus years I’ve lived on this earth am I the problem? Do I expect too much? Do I expect too much from "Gen-Z" boys? Am I too old fashioned for them? Because I want the fairytale with the white horse and I am beginning to think that is where it all starts to go down hill for me...

These thoughts I create in my head are not fair to me or the boy. They create fairy tails that he cannot physically live up to. They create expections that I hope to come true...but in the end they do not. The worst part is he will never know why I am disappointed because he becomes this person in my head with so many exceptions before he even asked me out. He lets me down without me even giving him a chance because he is not living up to the person I created him to be in my head...In the end of it did I even really fall for him? Or did I just fall for the person I created him out to be in my own head?