Epiphany

This is a story about me and how I ended up where I am right. The prologue leads up to where I am currently.

Here I was on New Year's Eve, the last day of 2021. I just turned 22 years old the day prior and was out with a couple of friends. My friend's birthday was in a couple of days, and we were taking turns writing on a card we got him. Everyone was writing their best wishes for him, and it was finally my turn. I didn't know what to write and thought about it for a while. Suddenly words flew through my head, and I quickly jot them down on the card. The words were " Make this year your year. Don't take any moment for granted."

As the night continued, the words never left my mind. It was 2 am on New Year and I sat on my bed reflecting on the past year. I realized that the reason why I kept thinking of those words was that they reflect on how I felt about the year 2021. I was very dissatisfied with myself throughout the entire year of 2021. I made many goals at the beginning of the year but did not accomplish any of them. I made a lot of losses but no gains. I kept blaming outside factors and did not understand what was happening. I kept setting goals but never actually took the first step towards those goals. It was that same cycle over and over again to the point where I felt stuck. I lost my path and didn't know where to go, so I stayed lost. I stayed lost not because I didn't know where to go but because I didn't have the motivation to go anywhere. There were many paths available, but I didn't want to take the wrong one and regret it later, so I decided to take non. I was comfortable where I was, so I forced myself to believe that I was alright. I didn't realize that my decision was turning me into someone completely different than who I aspired to be.

I changed so much last year. I became very anti-social. I refuse to leave my apartment unless I had to. I only left for work and grocery shopping. I barely contacted my friends and family and refused all social gatherings. I just wanted to be alone at all times. I couldn't stand the person I had become and that made me stop trying completely. I stayed on that cycle for an entire year. When I recognized that the year was coming to an end, and I had to sense of accomplishment. That was my wake-up call. I accomplished nothing. I didn't have a single memorable moment that year. That is why I wrote those words on that card.

So here I was at 2 am realizing that I could barely remember how I got to the end of the year. It was all a blur. I took out my journal and started reading past entries so that I could figure out what happen this past year. What changed? As I read through my past entries, it came to me. I like to tell myself that I am not easily influenced and that all decisions I make are what I want. However, sometimes people don't realize that they are being influenced. I was one of those people. I didn't realize that over the years I have slowly started being influenced by the world around me.

The world is constantly telling me that I am behind and that I needed to catch up. Every time I go on social media, an influencer is telling me how I should live my life and where I should be in life. In this fast-paced world, where everybody is running full speed towards the finish line, we often forget to take a look at what is around us. I lost myself in that race. The epiphany came to me then. If life is a marathon, no matter what pace I go, I will eventually reach the finish line. But first, I should figure out what I am running towards and why. I am 22 years old. I am so young. I have plenty of time to figure out what I want in life. It is okay to be lost. Only then can you realize that something is wrong. I used to regret the year 2021 but now I know that it's part of my journey towards adulting. I have learned al0t about myself because of that year.

I didn't where to start on my journey towards self-discovery, but a friend told me to start with some I know for sure that I am passionate about. The things I love most in this world are reading and writing. So here I am. I am starting here.