Do you think you could be a sociopath?

“Do you think you could be a sociopath?” She asked while gently tracing shapes along his bare chest. The young couple had just finished being intimate with one another, the poor young woman was with child.

The young man turned to look at his young wife that lay next to him, bearing his child. With no emotion showing in his chiseled face, he said with a slight pause, “I’m surprised you never asked me this before.” his steel-blue grey eyes were flat, without any emotion displaying within them. "I don't know exactly. But I do know that I fit the critera. I spent time researching this before and I think it suits me. I think the description of a sociopath fits me."

Her heart shattered at that moment. How could have the man that she had fallen in love with, turn out to be this person who enjoyed causing her pain? How could someone who proclaimed to love her, get off on hurting her? She had a few more questions that she wanted to ask, but had no courage for. She stared at him for a long time after he said those words. This man was everything to her. She had loved everything about him, even the parts he didn't overly like. All she wanted to do, was save him. For years he had been so quiet about his own mental health. But she had noticed.

The next morning began the young woman's research. After years of reminding him on how to be a human being, she had spent hours reading about the difference between a sociopath, a narcissist, and a psychopath. All the young woman had wanted to do was save him, in any way shape, or form possible. Having so many experiences with him that had rung true for the sociopathy scale, she learned a few things. Either they learn. They learn how to be there for their families and the ones they love the most. Or they completely destroy them with their selfishness and lack of empathy.

Did you know that most sociopaths are more unlikely to seek treatment for their condition? Not saying that you cannot be a sociopath and a good person at the same time, because you can. From her reading, she had learned that fact in such a hard manner of speaking, she learned her lesson. A lot of sociopaths, end up working in fields where tolerance for the unpleasant is needed. Like surgeons or paramedics, heck, even cops can be sociopaths. We have all seen the news. Most sociopaths or psychopaths become educated enough to hide in plain sight, so they don't get caught by the people surrounding them.

After her reading was finished, the young woman was heartbroken. This was the man I loved. The man she was angry at for abusing her silently, controlling her relationships, her life, her finances, her sanity was at stake.

She loved this man, and he shared the worst secret she could have imagined with her. It just made sense. All of it. The way he treated her, the anger he experienced, it just made sense. She just wished he was not that person. She wished it was easy for him to love her, but it never was. Because of how simple most of her requests were, she felt stupid. This, this was the man that she thought that she got to raise my children with? The young woman knew back then while she was pregnant, that she deserved a better man, but she stayed. And she gave it her all and tried. The man that had blamed her for anything and everything when all she had ever tried to do was understand him. Even back then, when she was still tracing shapes along his chest.

Sometimes that hurt is just there. It can be such a present feeling that you cannot do anything about it other than just honour it. Just honour the way you feel. Because sometimes there are just certain people who just stick to you. Because of pain. Because of trauma. Because of the hurt. Things just stay with you. Or at least, that is what the young woman still continues to tell herself.

Chloe Rose Violet

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