Disentangled Threads Like Us

Carrying the world above our shoulders is a task that we eventually learn (or hope) to manage as we get older. Not only do we carry love, hurt, memories, unforgettable faces, smiles, worries, hopes, fears, and so on - but our soul eventually starts picking up and carrying little things that bring joy and purpose to our world (some people call them hobbies, others - their purpose).

In my case, woven threads are a thing I picked up with a purpose. Not to sew or create something beautiful, but to develop my inner self on a daily basis. Do not get me wrong - I do love sewing, especially those seconds you pick up the fabric with excitement and pride as you say, "Look what I created for you. I chose these colors because they remind me of who you are. These patterns resemble the energy I feel when I am around you."

The reason threads mean so much to me, however, it's because I gave four threads a different meaning each. There are four different colored threads that impact my daily life - beige, blue, black, and pink. These laces were intertwined with each other on February 3rd, 2020. I started disentangling them on August 15, 2020. Each thread has one of the following meanings: Integrity, freedom, love, and spirituality.

It is easy to create something beautiful with our hands or our mind. I believe we create beautiful moments all the time; like hugging someone you appreciate, crafting a personalized gift for someone, thinking about something that makes your heart warm, receiving a text from your grandmother, telling someone you love them, the fresh smell of baked cookies, holding the door open for someone, cooking with your best friend, giving out a compliment, receiving a compliment, when someone remembers something you thought they forgot (that even you forgot about), showering with warm water, listening to lyrics you feel familiar with - but they all come and go.

In a single day, thousands of thoughts visit our minds. Dissecting each and every thought would eventually drown our spirits and exhaust our present. Oftentimes, however, we find our mind getting the same, constant visitor. A visitor that oftentimes is powerful enough to change our mood the second it comes in.

This constant visitor - I like to see it as a woven fabric. It has memories, feelings, words, faces, purpose, chills, countless sleepless nights - all interlaced within each other.

There are many different ways these thoughts are handled in every single corner of our world. Some turn it into a goal, they work for it, they achieve it, or they realize that was not what they were looking for; others are still trying to achieve it. Some turn it into a hobby because other things have to be kept on the top of the list. Others decide to ignore it, giving this visitor a very unwelcomed visit. Others, however, decide to go directly to the root of this visit, plan an entire meal, sit down, and scrutinize the reason this visitor has been opening the door so much - and this is my case in this specific story.

My method for relieving these constant visits was a method I invented with the sole purpose that it would work for who I am. I consider myself a deeply analytical person, sometimes referred to as "an overthinker" by people that do not understand my mind. The objects that help me find a way to relieve my day are simple: threads, scissors, music, and oftentimes my notebook (I tend to write my life away sometimes).

This specific day - February 3rd, 2020, was the day before my friend's birthday. I was sewing a headband for her. I could easily write several pages of what an incredible, powerful example she has given me to follow, but for this specific story we will keep it short - I am in awe of her heart.

We both lived in different countries then, so a trip was planned for the weekend of the seventh so I could visit her. Birthdays are a blessing - and I could've easily chosen the perspective of how they are a curse in this case because I lost her, and when I flew to her country it was not to celebrate her life but to attend her funeral.

Not going to lie, I did spend countless hours trying to figure out what to do with that headband. I did not like those colors (at least not all of them wrapped around my head at the same time somehow). The reason I chose them was because she loved those colors and got ecstatic with the idea of having her own personalized headband. Whenever someone would ask her what her favorite color was, she could not name only one. Her answer included those four colors and the reasons why she had chosen each specific one. See, I could not give it away because it was a representation of who she was - not me, or anyone else.

I continued sewing and making special gifts for people, and her headband ended up being buried in my closet after a few months. I remember those days the scissor I had always used started to feel a little heavier on my hands. Like if my mind was trying to remind me of the power of trimming. See, there is a deeper analytical meaning in cutting, trimming, snipping, cropping, shaping. You are changing something, sometimes yourself.

Like a lot of people oftentimes do, I did not give myself time to heal properly. I kept receiving this constant visitor in my mind that was slowly but surely making me grow sullen. It wasn't until August when my lease was up, and I was packing things up that I found her headband.

This is where the power of empathy comes into play. I sat down with the visitor in my mind and the headband in my hand. I realized that as I was growing sullen, I was building up walls. We oftentimes forget that the walls we build around us for protection, are oftentimes the walls that also end up trapping us. Like how the scissor is used to cut what is not needed, I used it to cut down the wall in my heart.

In a more literal sense - I am slowly detangling and cutting small parts of each individual thread. Though not my favorite colors - integrity, freedom, love, and spirituality are the four pillars that makeup who I am.

When I get a constant visitor in my mind that is linked to one of those threads (sometimes these visits are linked to more than one), I proceed to grab the headband with my heart on my sleeve and empathy on my hand. Once I am ready and have decided to do something in regards to this constant visit, I cut a piece of thread. It makes it seem like I am cutting something out in order to build myself up.

We are always in the process of development, and once our soul decides to pick up something that causes joy, we have the opportunity to learn and develop that gift to impact not only us but others around us. As a hobby, two-minute break, 9-5 routine - anything that brings happiness to your heart should have space within your life.

The thing about the woven fabric, it has to have two threads interlaced at right angles to one another. Not one left and another right, but somehow finding that communion where two threads meet to create something, like two paths crossing at the right time to bond as one.

I know that when I cut the last piece of fabric that once made this consequential headband interlaced with four colors, it will only be an ending, not the end. My woven fabric - so simple, delicate, and beautiful, yet so powerful when given a purpose.