Dear Mom

Dear, Mom

When I was young, you were my Sheild. There were times that when I had given up. When your words were my life vest in a sea full of hate and self-doubt. Days When my mental health would pull me down and you were always there to keep me from sinking.

When I was growing up, I know it wasn't easy being my mom. I know it wasn't easy watching me suffer, I know it wasn't easy to decide to raise a child when you were just a baby yourself. Thank you for staying even when it wasn't easy, even when I kept you awake after working all day and I know it wasn't easy to keep fighting for my love when all I did was run in the opposite direction.

Thank you, Mom, for staying when I yelled, thank you for staying when I cried. Thank you for being there to wipe the many tears and scare away the monsters that hid in my fears.

Now I am Grown, but I am always growing. You still call me your baby because no matter how old I am I will always be your child. The one that wasn't easy and wasn't fun. The child you kept even though Everyone knew you wanted a son. Somedays I wonder If you could go back and change your mind, but the thought is quickly forgotten because I know that you bleed with love and are always kind. You stayed even though I know it wasn't easy.

I have waited my whole life to tell you that I wish you didn't stay, my dad did not deserve you and he did not deserve us. Every time I watched you guys fight all I could do was hide, frozen with fright. I know why you stayed even though it wasn't easy. You stayed for me, you stayed for us. Thirteen years of a constant fight. You deserved better, you always have, because You stayed even when being my mom was never easy.

He would call you names and push you around. You would scream back but eventually Your mouth would move but nothing could be heard, not even a sound. I am sorry you stayed, even though losing your voice wasn't easy. When you left, it felt like we were free, little did I know it was just another chapter that still had to be read.

Dad was hardly around but you were always there, being a mom was never easy. Especially when the one person that was supposed to be your aid, was so selfish that he never cared enough to change. Thank you, mom, for being strong enough to leave, even though it wasn't easy.

You were my protector from the bullies, my rock through the challenges and were always the first visitor when I was in the hospital so many times. I could always count on you, thank you for staying. Staying through the constant med changes, the mood swings and the anger. Through the parent teacher meetings and the conferences that cost you work. Thank you for staying even though it wasn't easy. I've never said it enough nor have I said it aloud. Unspoken words that you have always deserved, but as soon as I say them, it's impossible to deny them.

I have always pretended we had a perfect childhood, memories that I remember differently than others. Thank you for staying even though it was hard, you are my mother and I love you with my entire heart body and soul.

I'm sorry mom that I never said it sooner, but THANK YOU for being my MOM, then, now, and forever.