Dating in 2021

Perhaps our fatal flaw is attempting to make forever out of people who are meant to be temporary.” - Rudy Fransisco

Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Facebook, etc. The list goes on and on. Swipe, swipe, match, chat, talk, and meet. First dates, second dates, and back to the beginning? Dating in this generation is something I’m still learning. The talking stage, meeting stage, situationships, and then dating? I guess for me it’s either you’re dating or you’re not. None of these games people play interest me. I’ve always been a person who is all in or not. Even when I started online dating I started out just talking to one person at a time and I think this is okay. Everyone is different and with my schedule it’s somewhat hard to invest in multiple individuals.

The dating scene in 2021 is wondrous yet confusing at the same time. As someone who’s a hopeless romantic, attempting to find love in a world full of ghosting, hook-ups and short term relationships... the dating scene has been an experience to say the least. It’s a good and interesting piece, not really a bad or unfortunate experience. I have always been a curious soul and curiosity leads us to the grandest of places. The important thing I have learnt so far is to simply not have expectations, seek out the unknown, to not place things in a box but let things unfold the way they are meant to and choosing to be fearless over fearful. Curiosity has it’s very own reason for existence. Dating is meant to be fun and simply not taking anything personal, because sometimes things just are not a great fit. And this too, is okay. Look at it in a sense of abundance and not scarcity. Things simply are not a reflection of ourselves but others. Sometimes there isn’t a spark or connection.

Also... Is it normal to start planning a wedding even before meeting someone? No? Okay.. Lets forget I mentioned that.

I’ve learnt about not only myself in this experience but relationships as a whole. When I started this journey, I started out telling myself that I don’t know enough about relationships, how exactly am I going to do this? That couldn't be further from the truth. I have relationships with friends, my soul tribe and family. What I know most about them is every relationship needs a nice touch of spontaneity, of spunk and excitement! It takes time getting to know someone, we don’t need to know every single piece when getting to know someone. As a counsellor I am so used to the feeling of my new clients file right in front of me, everything they’ve been through since birth is at my finger tips. Why they are the way they are. Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships this isn’t the case. It’s part of the excitement getting to know someone through small moments. Finding things yourself and digging deep into someones soul. To keep things fun and hopeful. Nothing needs to be practiced out or written down, or planned out. You cannot dictate when a relationship begins, some times they start when they are meant to. There doesn’t have to be a plan. One day you just simply, jump! Head first, just how I like it.

I am the type of person where I love the joys of the unknown, not knowing what is going to happen or when it will happen, being caught up in the whirlwind of it all. There is freedom in that, freedom to fully be yourself, and maybe, just maybe in this mix of it all you find what is truly meant for you. What is truly meant for you, you can not ruin or destroy. Things meant for you most of the time fall into your lap unexpectedly, just asking for you to notice them. So, I told myself just to jump.. And so I did.

About two months or so ago, I made the decision to start dating officially, actually putting in effort and letting people in. As someone who is twenty five and never had a boyfriend, first kiss, and everything that follows, the dating scene in this generation has been a learning curve. The thing is everyone goes at their own pace, everyone is running their own race, and we are all just hoping to find someone who speaks our soul language and can run right beside us while running our own journeys.

What kick started this, you might ask? Why now? Well it started when my co-worker, soul sister, soulmate, started searching for her other half. She kept talking about this app called Hinge, and talked about all the matches, conversations, and people she was encountering. Over the course of a week I would come in to work and I would be sitting across from her, watching her essentially meet her person on Hinge. I have known her for about a year. Before we met she was in a seven year relationship with the wonderful Karl. I say that sarcastically of course. I have learnt a lot from her in the means of being connected to someone, but for the time that I have known her she’s been single, so it was an adjustment seeing her date. After a time where it was just her and I, hanging out after work, before work, and everything in between. When she met Josh, I felt as though, maybe it’s my time too, to take the grand step and seek out and hopefully, if I’m lucky enough attract someone to experience this season of my life with. Now, her and Josh have been together for three months and some, and I couldn’t be more happy for her. Seeing her with her person in this season does fill me with excitement for myself.

When I first heard her mention Hinge, I thought she was crazy. How do you actually meet a genuine person on an app? how do you meet your next lover by swiping your tumb on a device? The romantic in me felt disappointed.. Like is this it? What about accidentally running in to your new lover at a grocery store, or a carnival, or anything but over my phone? But, I eventually caved because this is simply how the dating scene is now a days. The idea of dating has been echoing my in heart for sometime, and it felt as though pterodactyls were flapping their wings inside my chest but the calling for something more seemed to be greater. The want, not need for someone to come home to, to text how my day is going or even sharing my fun facts of the day. So, I opened my phone, typed in Hinge, and that’s where it all started.

At first I was blown away by the people I was chatting with. Adventurers, travellers, passionate individuals who are actual people on the other end. Each person I had the opportunity to encounter has taught me more and more about myself and what I’m really looking for. So, here’s to new beginnings, new love, and much more if I’m lucky enough. Life... is complex, magical, ever-changing but at the same time mundane and simple. Still trying to figure out how to balance the two.