COVID Broke Me...and I needed it.

As if losing the beloved family cat wasn't enough, I was struck with a secondary blow when I contracted COVID for the very first time in September of 2021.

I had been very careful, wearing my mask, washing my hands, not running anywhere unnecessarily. As an immune-compromised individual, the pandemic is a very scary and unknown time. I was supposed to get my vaccine finally after shortages plagued by supply disruption.

Then it happened...I had COVID.

Having COVID was life-altering. As a single mother of 2 young children with virtually no support system, I had to find a way to care for my young sons with no regular help while still quarantining.

It started with extreme lethargy, then came the sore throat, then the cough, then I couldn't breathe. My lungs felt like someone was pouring boiling water down them, and my throat felt like it would close if I stopped drinking water. I had very acute COPD since I was young from inhaling too much second-hand cigarette smoke as a kid. It never really affected my life since I was 15 I was always active and rarely used an inhaler.

I had almost forgotten about it until COVID which had irritated it severely. My doctor put me on a nebulizer and an oxygen tank because there were no hospital beds or respirators. Even if there were, I couldn't leave my two young children home alone. I remember constantly sucking away at the liquid that was keeping my airways open enough to breathe, praying to whoever was listening, not to let me die. Pack after pack of albuterol only provided very temporary relief.

I remember not being able to even lift my head or move from bed. It was the worst I had ever felt. I was so weak and helpless...something I was not used to feeling at all as I had to be the one who was strong for my children and many others throughout my life.

I missed my beloved black cat, I was so alone. My snuggle buddy, coffee buddy, and best friend was gone. I cried so much from missing her even though my lungs felt like fire. I couldn't even comfort my grieving children. I was plagued with "mom guilt". The solidarity of quarantine forced me to confront and process the trauma the last 20 years of my life had brought on. So much so, it resulted in me not speaking to my mother or her family ever again.

With the help of Alexa, Uber Eats, Virtual School, various cleaning services, and my dearest best friend of 15 years who was a nurse we made it through.

It took nearly a month for me to feel well enough to even walk around the house. In that time frame, I had lost 30 pounds from not feeling well enough to eat, and I still could barely manage to finish a small mug of chicken noodle soup.

By the time I could eat, taste and smell again I had lost nearly 60 pounds. At my yearly appointment with my gynecologist, she asked when the last time I was sexually active was. That is when it hit me...I hadn't FELT like having sex since COVID. I asked my doctor about this.

She turned around and said "There isn't much research on it, but trust me you aren't alone. A lot of women are reporting a change in sex drive months after the fact."

I have a high sex drive. So this was an unusual thing for me. The weeks passed, I thought I would give it the old college try at self-pleasure, nothing. As of writing this article, I am still struggling to feel aroused, as well as having long-term issues with shortness of breath.

When the pandemic began, many women were forced out of the workplace and back into the home. For those of us who are single working mothers, this was not ideal. Scratch that...it SUCKED.

We were faced with constant overstimulation, constant violation of our privacy by our children (and sometimes nosy neighbors), disruption of sleep schedules, trying to enforce new routines on top of dealing with newfound behavioral issues which stemmed from kids who couldn't live life the way they normally did.

In our local area, there is an old church someone converted into a play area that many single moms, like myself, relied on to help their kids get energy out in the winter months when snow and ice cover our closed parks. For only $2.50 an adult and $1.50 a child the kids could play on the 2 refurbished McDonald's play-land tubes and slides, pretend to play in the tiny grocery store, and jump on the sea of low sitting trampolines from open to close. You could even bring your own snacks. You could sit on the pews, chat with other moms, split a pizza, cheese fries, and a 2 liter of soda in the cafeteria for just 20 bucks. It was an affordable haven where we could let the kids run about without breaking the bank.

Like many other facilities, It had to close because of the virus. many mothers were left in apartments or small homes with young children who had way too much energy and not enough space, nor anywhere to go to let it out. Many of us became so wrapped up in our lives we lost touch with friends, fell into deep depressions, lost essential services we desperately needed and relied upon.

As if this wasn't stressful enough, many of us gave up on working from home due to not being able to keep up with virtual schooling and working with children under toe. COVID set women back severely, and many of us like myself are still struggling to dig ourselves out of that hole.

COVID is more than just an illness, it has revealed the sickness within our own country. On a political scale, it showed how America's "individual freedom first overall" attitude has led to the decay of personal relationships, social welfare, religious affiliations, etc.

On a logistical scale, it showed the failures in the supply chain and infrastructure. It revealed just how bad the housing crisis truly is. It showed how big of a failure America truly is when it comes to caring for our people. No matter your political affiliation you can't deny our system needs a change.

It highlighted some good things too. It sent many people on a spiritual journey, myself included. People reconnected with family they hadn't spoken to in years. Many shelter pets found good homes.

Despite the long-term effects on my body, COVID broke me made me reconsider a lot of things. It made me take my health and finances even more seriously than I had before. It made me realize that family is not always who you are related to, and it forced me to cut negative and toxic people out of my life. Overall, I think I am better for having COVID, maybe not physically, but it opened my mind and my heart to see how much work I have to be done within myself. It also showed me that my country needs my optimism and caring more than ever.