CONFESSION

In my room alone, I was looking at the ceiling, and my mind was wandering back to the memories of my past. The truth was at last to be faced, the false confession of myself to myself to be revealed, to see the great bond between my heart and soul.

In my younger age, I often behaved impulsively, sometimes even obeying my heart's whims. There were moments when I thought my mind was fooled and thus, I got involved in transient fun projects. I still click on the memories of those nights filled with the euphoria of new fads, and the immediately fading bonds with the people who were as confused as I was. The way my heart danced me through the storm of feelings, but in the aftermath silence, my spirit was left empty.

Looking back at those days, I came to realize that most of my actions were selfish, which were caused by a need to fill a hole inside. I cut off people, disregarding their feelings, to please my desires. I entered relationships that I hadn't thought through and repaired them only later, leaving the trail of broken hearts and the strained friendship. My heart wanted what it wanted, but my soul was left to take care of the guilt and regret.

Along with times of deliberate kindness and being generous, there were times when my heart and soul seemed to be in perfect sync. I remember being a volunteer, where I was giving and helping to such an extent that I would call myself humble. I could see smiles on the faces of the people I helped, and the warmth that spread through me making me feel a sense of purpose, a connection to something greater than myself. My heart felt full, and my soul was at peace.

Still, I was having a hard time aiming for high consistency. There were times when my heart's desires contradicted with my soul's integrity. I passed for the truthless promises I had to keep, just to advance the interest of others, but then I failed when reality hit. Each promise that I had broken wasn't a mere indication of my not being able to stand up to my own principles, but a tormented memory of my uselessness.

As the years passed the heart-soul conflict became more evident for me. I started to notice the patterns in my behavior, the ways in which my heart's rash choices tended to hurt my soul. It became evident that to find inner tranquility, I had to unite my two sides. I should give my heart the leadership of the values and principles which are held so deeply by my soul.

This path of self-reflection has never been simple or direct. It involved confronting the painful reality of who I am, admitting the damage that I had done, and praying for forgiveness, both to the others and to myself. I began to comprehend that the joy I was in search of can only come from the union of my actions with my core values and let the soul of my wisdom guide my heart. So, this moment of stillness that I take for my life is not only a reflection on the past but a revelation of my struggle for unity between my heart and soul. It is about the journey to stay true to myself, be my best self, and be of service to others. It is about making choices that only excite me but also represent deeper values that make me who I am.

Here, I have come to the realization that the heart and soul are not distinct parts but rather interconnected parts of a whole. The heart's wants can be the cause of our wandering if there is no soul's wisdom to temper them. On the other hand, the guidance of the soul can touch the heart's passions to the right direction, thus bringing a life that is both full of joy and full of purpose.

A significant part of my past is stored in memories, and I keep them with me at all times, always trying to do right by the people I care about, and to have relationships based on truth and loyalty as well as to live a life that is true to my heart's desires and my soul's beliefs. Such is my confession, my commitment to the path of growth and harmony, recognizing that when the heart and soul are aligned, they are the most powerful and, therefore, the way to a truly meaningful existence.