Conferences

“How do you like this one” said Florencia as she flounced out of the changing room. “Mmm, I think it’s a bit too showy” said her husband, Dave Watkins. “You need to look elegant at this conference, remember”. Florencia sighed as they made their way back to the clothes racks. Dave picked out a mauve silk blouse and a matching long dark skirt. “That’s so conservative,” said Florencia. “Try it on,” said Dave. “OK – but I want to try this is well” said Florencia picking out a flimsy figure-hugging silk dress in vivid colors.

In the end they bought both. Dave could never deny Florencia anything, ever since he met her in El Salvador where he had been part of the Peace Corps. On the way home he asked her about the trip. “Have you got your presentation ready” he said.

“Yes, I have worked on it the last two days, and I have all the slides ready. I am going to tell them how I built up my catering business. And how my corporate clients love my Hispanic dishes. I am sure the Small Business Institute will be very pleased they invited me.”

Dave said “I had a look at the itinerary they sent. I don’t understand why the sent you via Denver – United has a direct flight that would get you there an hour faster. And they got the code for New Orleans airport wrong – it’s MSY not MCY. I have a good mind to call and tell them to get a better travel advisor”.

“Please don’t – I am sure they all very busy and anyone can make mistakes,” said Florencia. “You keep your mind on Ryan and Michael while I am away. My friend Luciana will pick them up every morning. You need to back home by six every evening without fail. No working late in the office. And make sure they eat plenty of fruit and vegetables – not pizza or fried chicken every night. And make sure they finish their homework too. None of Ryan’s usual excuses.” “OK, OK,” said Dave. He knew who was the boss.

James Griffiths got home just in time to have breakfast with his wife Shirley. “Did you have to go out to the mine today, of all days” she said.

“I wanted to see the night shift when they came off “ he said. “We’ve got union negotiations coming up in a few months. If the guys feel that management cares and sees them as part of the team, maybe their demands won’t be too outrageous. And I talked to June Lebowski – she is a diesel mechanic on night shift and quite outspoken. She keeps the others in line. What about you – what’s on today?”

“I don’t have a class this morning” she said. “The juniors are off on a field trip, so I don’t have anything until after lunch, when I have got a 10th grade landscape painting class. I was thinking I would come to the airport with you.”

James thought for a moment and then replied, “That would be great but the traffic coming back might be slow and you would be late for your class”. “Yes, maybe you’re right,” said Shirley. “Have you got your presentation ready – and what’s it on”. “Kriging at the Victor Knox Gold Mine – Predictions and Practicalities,” said James.

“What’s kriging again?” said Shirley.

“It’s a statistical technique for calculating ore reserves from drill hole results. You take the mean square variances from each”.

“Yes, yes” Shirley interrupted. “Phillip told a joke yesterday in staff room. It was about an accountant, an artist, and an engineer. They were discussing whether it is better to have a wife or a mistress. The accountant said it’s better to have a wife because of the stability, the artist said a mistress because of the excitement and intrigue. The engineer said it’s better to have both – then each thinks you’re with the other and you can go to the office and get some work done. That’s you all over”.

“It’s an old joke” said James “and its not true. Besides I didn’t think Philip was capable of jokes”. “

There is more to Philip than you know,” said Shirley.

Then she asked “Do you have an itinerary, or shall I get it from your secretary? I like to know where you are staying”.

“I have it right here,” said James. “And I am staying at the Wyndham in the French Quarter. It’s where the conference is.”

“I wish I was coming too,” said Shirley. “It’s four years since we moved from San Francisco to rural Colorado and I miss the big city. Why can’t you have a conference in school vacation.” “Maybe next time” said James, “but now I have to go, or I’ll miss my flight.”

“Oh, I got something for you”, said Shirley and she handed him a package. It contained a purple shirt and a matching tie. “It will go great with your new suit”.

“Not quite the engineer image”, laughed James “ but thank you.”

There was traffic on the road to Denver, and James was running late. He drove carefully, while having an extended argument with his conscience. He parked his car and ran into the airport. The plane from San Francisco was also late and arrived a few minutes after James got to the gate. James waited anxiously as the passengers disembarked. There she was! Dressed in an outrageously sexy silk dress. They moved over to one side away from the stream of passengers and embraced passionately. His conscience gave up on the argument.

“We need to get moving over to the gate” said James, the plane goes in less than an hour.

“At the gate, the agent looked at Florencia and smiled. I bet you got matching underwear under that dress”, he said. Florencia smiled and flicked up her skirt to show that it was true. Some of the women in the line looked disapproving.

When they were settled on the plane, Florencia said “It’s been a whole year since I’ve seen you. I can’t wait to get to New Orleans”.

James said “Yes – our fourth adventure. Can we keep pulling it off every year? Did you have any trouble any trouble getting away?”

“A little – there was a mistake on the itinerary you sent me. We can’t afford mistakes. But Dave is pretty much wrapped up in work. I hope he looks after the boys properly when we’re away”.

They talked for a while and Florencia became drowsy. James pulled out a book to read. Florencia asked him about it. “It’s Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales – written about pilgrims in 13th century England”.

“Sounds boring”.

“Well, they tell stories. This one is about a man called January who marries a much younger wife called May. He goes blind and she takes a young lover Damyan. They are all in January’s garden and she has it off with the young man in a tree”.

“Really, how intriguing, we’ve never done it in a tree”.

“Mmm, maybe we can try it but it sounds a bit uncomfortable. Anyway, the god Pluto happens to be passing by, sees what’s going on and is outraged. So, he works a miracle and gives the old guy his sight back. He jumps up from his wheelchair and starts cursing the lovers”.

“Uh-oh that sounds bad”.

“Yes – but Pluto’s younger wife Proserpina is also there and she also works a miracle and gives May the gift of the gab. May tells the old man he has to be careful because when sight is first restored its not reliable and he will see all kind of things that aren’t true.”

“Sounds pretty lame. My husband would never fall for that one.”

“Well, yes but so far your gift of the gab has got us through. And we have certainly had the gods on our side. And it’s been worth it. I don’t know how I would get through the day without daydreaming of being with you. Anyway, looks like we are coming into New Orleans. We must look out for a tree!”

Later in the hotel, Florencia was standing at the desk looking at the hotel’s list of things to do in New Orleans. James came up behind her and put his hands on her hips. “They have Cajun cooking classes” she said “– we should go to one.”

“OK – but what about food now. I thought we could take one of those dinner cruises on a paddle steamer on the Mississippi”.

“Sounds great, but when you touch me like that, there is only one thing I want to do.”

Three hours later, they were still lying-in bed. Florencia said “I didn’t ask you about Shirley. How is she?”

“ Pretty much the same, still teaching art at the high school. I wish she would give up teaching and go back to painting full time. She is very talented, but I think she might be having an affair with the business teacher. She keeps talking about him, and even retold one of his jokes this morning”.

“Would it bother you if she had an affair?”

“Well, I could hardly complain. And she might learn something. I love her dearly but there is one area where she is no match for you. I think she must have been brought up my missionaries. She only knows one way to do it and everything else is a sin”.

Florencia laughed. “I love my husband too – but I couldn’t get by without you. You bring so much pleasure into my life. Sometimes I think about you and I getting together – but I think it would be a disaster. We both need a bit of danger in our lives”.

The next morning James gave his paper at the conference. In the afternoon they went to a Cajun cooking class. They learnt all about to make a roux, how to make gumbo and how to make pralines. The teacher was a huge African American man, who evidently enjoyed his food. After the class they sat around outside with the other participants sampling their creations. It was a beautiful evening with the sun setting over the French Quarter. Everyone was in a good mood.

Somebody looked across at James and Florencia and said “You two look so happy! Are you married?”

Florencia smiled “We are – but not to each other”.

The following day they took a cruise up the river to the famous battlefield where the British had run through the bushes. They looked around for a secluded tree but none was to be found.

Coming back into the hotel, James was approached by Steve Richards, one of the conference organizers. “Oh, I am glad I found you” said Steve, “I wanted to make sure you and your wife are coming to the closing dinner tomorrow night. We’ve voted your paper the best on statistics. We want to present the awards at the dinner. We will have a table set aside for the winners”.

“Well in that case” said James, ”I guess we had better be there. Who else was a winner?” Steve rattled off a list, but thankfully James didn’t know any of them.

The next day they lay in bed until noon and got up to have lunch at Olde Nola Cookery on Bourbon Street. While they were eating, Florencia’s phone rang. It was Dave. “I tried the hotel he said, but the number just kept ringing and ringing. What’s going on?”

Florencia said “They had some kind of emergency with a guest this morning – maybe they were all busy. Anyway, why didn’t you call me on my cell phone. And how are the boys?

Dave said “That’s why I was calling you. Ryan had a problem at school this morning, but it’s all fixed now”. They talked back and forth for ten minutes about Ryan’s problem and other issues. Eventually Dave said, “Love you” and hung up.

Florencia heaved a sigh of relief and said “I am going to get a heart attack. What number did you put on the itinerary?”

“It was just a random New Orleans number. Do you think he was checking on you?”

“No – but these itineraries are going to be the death of us. We must find a better way. There are just so many ways we can trip up.”

That evening they dressed for the dinner. For the first time on the trip Florencia wore the blouse and skirt that Dave had bought for her. James wore his suit and his new shirt.

When they arrived at conference center, there were met by quite a reception group some of whom were taking notes. Each couple were directed to the side to have their photos taken James groaned internally. Then they were seated with the other winners at a table near the front.

Dinner was nowhere near as good as lunch, but the wines were excellent and both James and Florencia enjoyed the company.

After the main course Steve Richards went to the microphone. He said that the organizing committee had agreed it was the best annual convention that the Society of Mining Engineers had ever had. The quality of papers was excellent, although he had noticed that some people, and here he glared at James, had skipped out of the technical sessions to enjoy the delights of New Orleans. Perhaps next year’s conference should be in Omaha, Nebraska. The audience dutifully groaned.

Finally, he got around to making the awards. There was one for the best workshop and one for the organizers of the best field trip. Another for the best paper on underground mining methods. Finally, James was called up for the best paper on statistics, which had also been judged the best paper overall. Richard noted that James had explained kriging so well that even he could understand it. He asked James to say a few words. James talked briefly about the Victor Knox Gold Mine and expansion for the future. He knew his board would appreciate that. He also said that the success of the mine depended on their talented and hard-working employees.

He turned to go, but Richards waved him back and called on Florencia to join them. We have one final award, he said, for the best dressed couple, as judged by our reception committee. And the winners are Mr. and Mrs. Griffiths. As the cameras flashed at the somewhat sheepish looking couple, James was asked to say a few more words.

“I learnt a new word the other day” he said. “A fashionmonger is someone who advises on fashions – a bit equivalent to Professor Krige advising on statistics. I owe my professional success to Krige and my wife and I owe our fashion success to our personal fashionmongers”. Internally he was thinking that itineraries were the least of his worries.