Completely Random

Sometimes I think of some of the most random things when I let my mind wander. So I decided to record my random thoughts for a month. These and other completely random thoughts run through my head daily.

1. What would it be like if society valued everyone equally?

2. Does money really by happiness? I have never seen proof of this one.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much love? I don't believe so.

4. How can someone break the vicious cycle of negativity? Let's note this and research it for a later time.

5. Which is better a deodorant stick, deodorant gel, roll-on or spray?

6. Is it better to be a quiet observer or the center of attention? I guess this depends on the person and the situation.

7. What genre makes for better reading? Everyone likes something different so how is a writer supposed to know what to write?

8. Personally I like to read a balance between short stories, prose and novels, as that is what I write.

9. What's the best way to organize a home?

10. How can someone make routines easier in this chaotic life?

11. What about mythical creatures? Does anyone ever wonder about them? Did they really exist or did someone just make them up? If they were just made up, how did that person get the ideas for them from? Where did they come up with the stories and myths to describe these creatures? How did they come up with their descriptions?

12. Who came up the the names of colors? Why are certain colors associated with certain seasons, holidays, emotions, etc? Who decides these things?What is the process they use to decide that?

13. How much sleep is enough? Who decides whats the optimal amount for good health?Why does the optimal amount vary by age group and general health status?

14. Who decides what healthy for people to consume and what's not?How are foods chosen for each of the food groups? Who determines the food guides created for people to eat healthier?

15. Why is there sickness n the world? What steps can one take to protect themselves? Everyone knows about eating well, getting adequate sleep and exercise are all good ways but what happens when one or two of these aren't possible for whatever reason? What else can someone do to protect themselves? Sometimes people are required to take medications or supplements. Is there something more natural or spiritual that can be done?

16. Nature is so beautiful yet can be so very deadly at times. One can see the beauty of nature in the colors of the sunrise and sunset or the fresh blooming flowers. The dangers of nature can be seen in the damage done by the fiercest of storms, the devastation as it clears away the old and dead parts of nature. New plants grow in place of the old and decaying one as a way of continuing the eternal circle of life in the plant world.

17. Life is an interesting circle. We are born as a small helpless being, needing to be cared for. We live, grow and mature. As we grow and mature we learn to take care of ourselves. We learn who we are and who we want to be, what we like and don't like, what we want to do with our lives and how to follow our dreams. Sometimes people reach those dreams before dying other times they die before ever achieving their dreams. No matter if your dream seems crazy to others.... if it's your dream. Don't be afraid to chase that dream and give it your all. Live your dream.

18. Am I angry more these days? People keep asking me why I'm so angry. Some days I think I am but I'm not really sure why I would be.

19. What is the best way to deal with rude people and their supporters? They seem to be everywhere these days. Am I wrong for being offended by certain rude people and their supporters?

20. I need to reconnect with my spiritual side but not sure how to in this new hustle and bustle type of work. How am I supposed to balance my beliefs, my family obligations, my businesses and my busy work schedule?

21. With my checks being short and work doing what they're doing and my new health concerns, how am I going to be able to keep up with the bills and support my family? I'm trying to support my family but sometimes it's so hard. Bills pile up, check is short, etc. I feel like such a failure sometimes.

22. Kids need things. Bills need paying. I need to get the children evaluated for homeschooling and materials bought. Work and health issues abound. So much stress. I don't know how to cope with it all sometimes because I feel like a failure as a provider.

23. The sting of hot tears burns at her eyes as she thinks of things long past.

24. Tears falling, like raindrops. “I am so broken. Broken beyond belief”.

25. Sights seen yet not seen. Feelings felt but not expressed. Thoughts had but never spoken.

26. She searches the world over but never finds what she thinks she wants.

27. Wanting yet withholding, she cries as she drops into the over-sized chair.

28. Foreboding feelings, rampaging thoughts, unwelcome d tears falling, multiple sleepwalking episodes, what is going on? Sounds like a good line for a story.

29. How do you stop yourself from losing your imagination as you grow up? How do you keep your creativity and inspiration going when things are tough? I often wonder this both as a writer and mother.

30. Carnal pleasure forbidden yet so desired by the flesh. Words are very few and the tears come, yearning is strong. Sounds like a good piece for a romance novel.

31. What does it take to be considered a “real” writer? How does one become successful enough to get their stories told?

32. I'm trying to write but my mind won't focus. There are too many distractions. I tried putting on my son's headphones to muffle the noise but it's not helping. The kids keep fighting and arguing about chores. I really need to find a quiet time and lace to work. Sometimes it's hard to do any writing. If it's not the kids, work schedule, noisy neighbors or other distractions, it's lack of focus and inspiration. There's so much buzzing around in my head and around me that I'm having trouble even think about writing.

33. I'm going to make some dramatic changes in my life. Why do I really want to make such dramatic changes? Who are these changes really for?

34. I've been going through a lot since the kids and I have been on our own. I often find myself overwhelmed by the never ending cycle of work, housework, bills, homeschooling responsibilities, and constant fighting with the kids over new rules and responsibilities. Is this a tribulation of fire?

35. Some women are lost in the fire. Some women are built from it. Sometimes you have to lose yourself in order to find a stronger more powerful version. Never give up ladies! Never back down! Pick your head up, dust your shoulders off, and hustle till the finish!! I believe in you! Your miracle is just around that sharp curve! This sounds like a really inspiring outlook.

36. Why am I such a fool? I open myself up to you and you push me aside until you decide it's convenient for you. You think so highly of me. We go days without communication then when we do it's so good and often quite intimate. You broke my walls down and made me care. You broke my heart when you pushed me away. You broke my spirit when you ghosted. Just know this Phoenix will rise stronger! Sounds like a good opening for a heartbreak and rebuilding story.

37. “I'm going to harden my heart. I'm going to swallow my tears. I'm going to do whatever I have to do to make it through.”. I believe these are lyrics to a song that I may have heard sometime in my past.

38. I free myself from my troubles and welcome opportunities and blessings. This is an affirmation I need to start living by.

39. How would I survive during an apocalypse? Would I turn to cannibalism if I had to? Would I kill? What would I do to survive? How far would I go for my family?

40. I feel like I'm completely alone, invisible and not heard. People don't appreciate what I do even though I am killing myself for them.

41. My mind is reeling. I found out on my birthday some information that I suspected but never had proof. I don't know how to feel or what to think. I hate feeling this way.

42. We have lost everything but the few belongings we could carry and the clothes on our back. I feel so lost. I don't know who I am or who I'm supposed to be. My family left a situation a week ago and have been staying with relatives. Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? I have to discover that but how can I when I feel so lost and like I have failed my family?

43. I met with someone about housing for my family this week. Signed a bunch of paperwork and looked at a place. I sign the lease and start moving in at the beginning of the month. Thank goodness for that weight being lifted. Now for the hard part- finding boxes, packing and cleaning while being around a toxic situation.

44. Why do people have to be so cruel? Why break down someone's defenses only to hurt them? Who decides which people deserve to be hurt and which people to do the hurting? People were put on this Earth to help each other. Why can't we all just stop hurting each other and start getting along and helping each other?

45. I have so many projects going at once. I have craft projects in various stages of completions, writing projects begun and set aside, organizing projects started and abandoned. Where do I begin? How do I decide which ones to work on and finish first? I know I have to work on each of them everyday but where to begin?

46. Everything has a duality to it. Good and bad, light and dark, male and female. Such a comforting thought.

47. Some people need to learn to grow up. They live like slobs, take no responsibility, always act like they never do anything wrong and are completely uncivilized. People like that need to move to a deserted island. They are trolls who don't deserve to be around people.

48. Trolls? I wonder what they look like. Has anyone ever seen one? What would I do if I ever met one? How would I know?

49. What would it be like to move someplace where no one knows us? Would we be happier or more miserable? Would my folks and siblings come with us? Would we want to change our names?

50. What do animals dream about? Do they fantasize? Do they ever wonder about us? I wonder what goes on in their minds.

51. Alone in a crowded room, tears falling yet no one notices. Heartbroken and devastated wanting to run away but frozen in place by the enormity of emotions. Sounds like another piece of a possible story.

52. What is life about? For some it's fame and fortune, others seek a more quiet lifestyle. Each person's ideas of the perfect life depends on their motivations, dreams, hidden desires, and their backgrounds. Each person must decide what they want their life to stand for and how they want to be remembered when they are gone.

53. Each person has some hidden truth in their life. The hidden truth for many is often too much to bear alone.... yet they are too afraid to share. They fear being ridiculed or punished for it, so they bury it deep within themselves hoping that it will disappear. Often times it stays buried, festering for years until it explodes.

54. I always see these ads on my phone”Win big money playing this game”. I wonder if you really can win cash playing games on your phone. Maybe I will try one or two out and see what happens. I am skeptical because there's always some kind of catch to these things. “There's no such thing as something for nothing”, I was always told growing up. We will have to wait and see I guess.

55. Here I am beating myself up for not being better, for not doing more. How do I stop beating myself up? I ask for help and I get scoffed at and scolded, told I am worthless and useless. Is this really how people think of me? Or am I projecting my own feelings on others?

56. I wonder if I should write a second book of completely random thoughts. Maybe one about the completely random things that kids say. Or maybe a book of inspirational sayings.

57. I have so many possible story ideas but once I start writing the stories, something always keeps me from finishing. Whether it be schedules, writer”s block, inability to find the right words, or anything else that might pop up.

58. Sometimes I sit here and wonder what things would have been like if I had done things differently. Would I have had kids? Would I have focused on my career first? What career would I have chosen? Would I have waited so long to chase my dreams? Would I have stayed single and wait for “the right one” or married the first guy who asked me? What about my physical, emotional and mental well-being? Would I have really cared? Would I have focused more on material things or the interpersonal? Who would I have turned out to be? Would I have been happy with myself? I don't know the answers to these questions but I do know who and what I am. I am a woman who has children she loves deeply and unconditionally. I work as a home health aide and despite the stress and burnout I enjoy helping people. I focus all my energies on my family and friends to the detriment of my own health sometimes. Despite my struggles my life is my own and it's pretty good.

59. I say I want a life of freedom and luxury but what does that really mean? Each person defines those terms differently. To me, freedom means time to be with my family doing things together that we enjoy.

Luxury means having enough money and belongings to meet our needs without having to sacrifice time together, our health, or having critical needs met. For some, freedom means not having to take orders from anyone whereas luxury may mean owning fancy and expensive things. Others may even have other ideas. Freedom and luxury are as individual as the person defining it.

60. Is it possible to make money by following your dreams? I certainly hope so. My dream has always been to become a successfully published author like Stephen King or Anne Rice. I started my writing journey when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I had very few friends growing up so I spent a lot of time reading and making up stories. My characters became my friends. Over the years I dabbled with my writing as a hobby. While I was in college my dreams of becoming a successfully published author took a major setback and I quit writing. In my 30's I was encouraged by a family member to try again. I am so thankful for that encouragement as I have been working on several novels and collections ever since. I have even reached out to a few publishing companies to see what my prospects look like for actual publication.