Coming of Age

I was born on January 9, 1963, in a clinic in Mebane, North Carolina. I was reared in the township of Cedar Grove on a tobacco and pig farm. I am the youngest child of nine. I have four brothers and four sisters.

My father is 100 years old. He is a retired farmer very jovial and strong minded. He is a devoted father; very committed to God and his family. He was a faithful husband of 53 years. My mother -now deceased- was a very strong-willed woman. She was a loyal wife, caring mother, committed church member and community leader. They were big on religion, tradition, and education. My parents’ boundaries and discipline were rigid. They weren’t affectionate parents but we certainly knew we were loved. So, needless to say; I had a very stable and structured foundation.

After going through my school years (which were undesirable) I was off to college because all eight of my siblings went, no none considered my desires, my wants, or my concerns. I really did not want to go. After attending two years, I still was very distracted. I found more fun partying and hanging out than studying. I suppose that was because I rarely got to do any of that growing up. I am sure some of the distraction too was due to meeting a man after three days being on the campus. He was a native of Staunton, Virginia. Allow me to take you back approximately 40 years earlier.

We were students at Elon College, home of The Fighting Christians, back in 1981. It was a Christian based school, with predominantly white students.

I was majoring in Business Administration. Within that week of settling in, the buzz around campus was about the football players and who were the most popular ones. Frederick Jordan’s ‘JB’ name was mentioned. He was #36, a Runningback. We, the black students, were having a dance at the Student Union. I had on red pants, looking cute. A young man came up to me and said, “Hi my name is Fred Jordan.” Well, my eyes got big because his name had preceded him. We talked for a little bit and then sat under the gazebo and talked for about four more hours. At the end of the night he said, “I’d like for you to be my girlfriend and if it doesn’t work, we’ll part as friends.” I agreed.

I loved dating Frederick. He was so popular and into so many extracurricular activities. I felt just as popular as he just being on his arm. After attending tons of football games at Walter Williams Stadium (because Elon didn’t have one), track and field events and watching him receive-much deserved-awards, win championships, cross over in the Gents fraternity, attend step shows, and hanging out at the Best Western, (where some of the players stayed) our courtship was well known on campus. The football players treated me with such respect and like a little sister because I dated Frederick. We attended (and I participated) in talent shows held at the Whitley Auditorium. We loved attending the Student Union parties (and often felt like the life of the party); and what brought both of us joy was attending the Gospel Choir performances. He was a choir member. Sadly, I have to admit, Frederick was my identity. Frederick (and Elon) was all I knew and loved. I lost focus on my education and was placed on Academic Probation. I knew I wasn’t going to turn it around in the time allotted. So, before I flunked out and embarrassed my family, I dropped out. This turned out to be a good decision because I found out, I was pregnant. We had a son. We had dealt ourselves a new set of priorities. He dropped out of school to help me take care of our son. We relocated to Raleigh, NC. We had a beautiful mobile home there. I was a stay-at-home mom. My husband had a comfortable salary. A lot of other couples looked up to us and we did a lot together. We hosted annual parties at our home; which became a huge event. We were pillars of our community.

After being married a few years, we had a daughter. But shortly afterward my husband hurt his back on the job. He filed for workman’s compensation benefits. He was denied because they did an investigation and stated he had a pre-existing condition because of his football history. That was devastating to hear! We had depleted our savings, and I had no income to contribute. We were really relying on a more positive outcome. We lost our home and had to relocate back to Mebane and live in the old house [that I used to live in] when I was born. My father fixed it up for us and added an indoor bathroom and a washer and dryer room.

I was beginning to see my husband go into a depression. I found a job, as a manager at a furniture store and the salary was comfortable for us to sustain without him working. I convinced him to go back and finish his college degree. He agreed. When he returned, he was able to start back training and finish his football career as well.

He then started playing Semi-Pro ball in Durham and received draft letters to try out for professional football. That changed the whole trajectory of our lives…for the bad. Frederick spoke our lives into existence underneath the gazebo, many years back. “If it doesn’t work, we’ll part as friends.” He got caught up using recreational drugs, which was very prevalent in the professional arena during this time. Recreational drugs led to much heavier involvement. It got so bad that dealers were calling our home -all times of the night- wanting to speak to him. Policemen were showing up on my front porch regularly. We got on a first-name basis. I couldn’t conceal it anymore from my parents, who lived right up the driveway. He wouldn’t come home trying to protect us, not understanding that this behavior left me vulnerable, exposed, nervous and frightened to be alone with two small children. I always felt if the drug dealers couldn’t find the person, they were looking for they would come after family members. So, when he did come home, I asked for a divorce. I couldn’t live like that, walking on eggshells and looking over my shoulders. I went through a terrible depression and counseling because the man I was so desperately in love with was now dead to me and my children.

Here I was, a single mom and now a product of the projects-from riches to rags. I ended up there because of a terribly nasty divorce, not because I was reared in a low income-poverty stricken family and neighborhood. As I went through the taxing processes of getting aid through social services agencies, St. Vincent du Paul, etc., I used it to learn, grow, and allow it to strengthen me to get out of the situation I was in; especially with my two young children. But sitting at these agencies, I often heard conversations and saw the learned behavior of some of the other clients, which made me a little frustrated. Some of them were abusing the system. The processes were enabling and crippling members of society. Some of them were deliberately not paying their bills and waiting until they had a ‘cut off notice’ or ‘eviction’ so that the government would pay instead of them being responsible for what they incurred. This created a desire in my heart to do something for low-income communities; but, at the same time, hold them accountable for their actions and choices. I wanted to create something where they will have to 'give back' to their community and set themselves up for self-sufficiency.

So, seventeen years later, in 2002; after my son was old enough to take care of our daughter, I returned to Elon. It was a university now, the home of The Phoenix. I wanted to finish my degree and redeem myself with my family. Plus, I had two children; and I wanted to send them a message that regardless of what curve balls life throws your way, with determination, you can finish your goals and succeed. This time around, I changed my major to Human Services. Within a week or so after returning, I don’t know who selected me, but I was recognized as a non-traditional student and an article was written about me in the Pendulum, Elon’s newspaper. Being a non-traditional student must’ve been a really big deal for Elon, because later, I received one of Elon’s most prestigious awards: The W.L. Monroe Christian Education and Personality Award in May 2002. This was to showcase a student who modeled hard work, determination, and dedication to her education, family, and community involvement. A little under a year, April 2003, I received a Black Excellence Award for achieving a GPA over a 3.0 from the Black Cultural Society. They hosted a very nice formal event for this recognition. After going into a brand-new major, I finished my entire Elon curriculum in two years.

Returning to Elon, with a whole new focus, being true to myself, and having my own identity gave me an amazing new outlook on life. (I think being the oldest student, in all of my classes, helped me stay on track also). Not only did I have two children at home, but I felt as if I had a classroom full of them. I had to set a positive example. It was hard being back without Frederick, old memories surfaced, but I knew I had to bury that old life and move on. I graduated in May, 2004. Other than being a mom, that was the second proudest moment of my life.

Through all the years of the divorce, I never once said an ugly word about him or degraded his character in front of my children. He was a good man, husband, and father, who made a terrible decision that robbed us of a continuous beautiful life together. We have all suffered financially, mentally, and emotionally from this.

We had a wonderful courtship at Elon, an amazing marriage, and two phenomenal kids.

Glory be to God we are the best of friends now! And, I am grateful for that. He has remarried. And we all get along. He went through long years of intensive rehab and still was inducted in the Elon Sports Hall of Fame; I was ecstatic for him and supported him by having the kids at the ceremony.

Through all the good and bad, the ups and the down, I always sacrificed whatever I needed to rear healthy, spiritual, and successful kids because none of this turmoil was their fault. I took all that I learned from living in the projects and my major, and my rigid rearing and applied it to my own growth.

I now am a business owner of a thrift store called PriceLe$$ and I run programs that help develop self-sufficient human beings throughout my community. I allow my building to serve as a facility to satisfy community service hours needed to complete school projects and/or parole obligations. I network with other Human Service agencies to serve as a financial resource for people who have rental and utility distress. But the client will have to work the number of hours in the store or attend my self-sufficiency workshops that are equivalent to the amount of money I paid toward their bill. (Support for work program). I will not just band-aid their issue. And, along with these programs I teach cursive handwriting, public speaking, poetry writing, and other social skill enhancements that are no longer part of the major curriculum in public schools. These programs are the priceless part of PriceLe$$.

I hold no bitter feelings towards Frederick. He has apologized, repented, and we have an amazing friendship. He and the children have a healthy relationship, and he is now making up the lost time by spending quality time with his grandchildren.

In fact; when I look back, this prepared me for the path I’m on now. We never know what God has in store for us. I hate the pain we encountered, but this truly changed my life forever.

This poem commemorates that chapter of my life:

NEW BEGINNINGS

Elon College was our connection and muse. We both barely focused on our grades. You were into me and I was into you.

Three years later we had Kelvin Lamonte , our one and only son. We had a good life together . Nothing was wrong.

We had Renee Nicole four years later . Our lives simply, couldn’t be any better.

But…. as the years rolled by our life turned upside down and went terribly awry.

Fifteen glorious years were gone. And, my life with Frederick (and Elon) were over and done.

I married other people, once our divorce was through. Hoping to find (what I had) in others, never led me back to you.

Plus, after all those years and across the miles, he never asked me to reconcile. He said it was, “Fear of rejection.” But it would’ve been nice if he’d just asked- and let me make my own decision.

Even more years came and went. But, one day the children told me, “Dad has met someone and speaks of her with deep sentiments.”

He married this young lady. She’s a real gem, a pearl. We’re incorporated into a blended family. Now, our children have the best of both worlds.

Years of a very long chapter have officially ended. But we both are amazing friends and enjoying our New Beginnings.

-Adrainne R. Thompson May 7, 2021 @All Rights Reserved