Circle K’OD

So, in the recent past I was a teacher at an International school in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. A dusty and lawless city, full of skyscrapers, tuktuks and packed with people. Anyways, it was in this place that I met one of my best mates, Ben. Ben is an English chap who is two years my senior (28). I met him at school and we became friends, best friends, maybe even soulmates. Anyways, let’s fast forward this a bit. Picture this, a Saturday morning and I’m hungover from a relatively big Friday night. While contemplating life and the decisions past I get a call from Ben, the man that put me here the night before. My mouth still stuck to my pillow I let it ring, because I know where it’s going. However, Ben and his persistence are key here. So I answer the second call wherein Ben attempts to convince me to come to a pub on the infamous riverside (filled with tattoo parlors and lady bars) very chilled place with a pool and a laidback Aussie owner. I try say no but Ben promises me it’s a chilled day. His daughter Jasmin, who is two, is there. This is supposed to engine the safety of childcare and responsibility not leading us astray, it did not. So my arm is twisted and I’m on my scooter cruising down the riverside. So we chill at this bar for a bit, having beers and watching Jasmin swim, feeing safe in adulthood. Our mate Zeke joins us as well as a few of our fairer sex friends. Pretty soon the sun is going down and the night is turning (we sent Jasmin home, just so you know). Anyways, fast forward a bit more and we are at a bar called the Blue Dolphin, real classy place. And now we are absolutely fucked. There’s now some 15 of us, as we’ve picked up some strays, including some old American dude called Kev and some Irish backpackers. We’re playing games, banging on the tables, being wonderfully obnoxious, which ends up getting kicked out the bar by an angry Khmer woman. Then we are on my scooter again Ben sitting with his back against mine, beer in hand, legs swung out like a drunken sailor, me swerving trying not to kill us or anyone else. Anyways, everyone decides to call it a night and meet back at mine for beers and morning shenanigans. Apparently Ben, Kev and I have different ideas. We end up digging up a craving for Chinese street food at 3am on one of the main roads. So there we are, three white dudes and a bunch of Asian guys. We’re eating Dimsum, having beers and talking shit. Anyways we leave in good spirit, part ways with Kev who is never to be seen again. Ben is cruising on his scooter and me on mine. We are cruising down Monivong Blvd. Ben comes in close and tells me he is sure that he’s left his wallet and passport at this restaurant. So we turn back and have a search at our new local. Now this is where things get hazy. Anyways, we search for his things (I’m guessing) but come up empty handed. So as we are walking out there’s dudes outside cooking meat, chatting shit and having beers, as you do at 3am. Anyways, apparently one of the guys passes a comment and says something in Khmer, not knowing Ben speaks fluent Khmer. Ben turns around and is like:’ Hey man that’s not cool.’ Now, apparently this is where I took issue with this guy (never been in a fight in my LIFE but all of a sudden I’m the baddest motherfucker around) and I apparently go in on this guy so much so he walks away and sit down on a chair, half cowering. Anyways I’m so involved here that I don’t notice what’s happening behind me. Ben comes up and taps me on the shoulder and says: ‘I’ll come over the top mate but just know we are going to get fucked up.’ Anyways I turn around and there’s 15 topless Asian dudes in a circle around us. The security guard lookin nervously on from the fringes. So I make the mature decision to get on my scooter and get the fuck out of there. So Ben and I bounce after narrowly escaping a beating. Anyways that’s the last memory. We wake up next to each other in my bed half naked, as has happened more than I would care to admit. having no idea what went on. Remembering almost fighting 15 Cambodian dudes. But that was it.

Well apparently not.

So I walk into school on Monday morning into the staff room around 7:15, still feeling the repercussions of a 3 day bender. Anyways, two of the ladies I work with are huddled together and when they look up and see me,they burst out laughing. I’m a little confused but still half asleep. The one says:’ Do you remember Saturday night, Tim?’ I laugh a bit, thinking someone had told them about the night and us getting rowdy. This is when she turns her phone towards me. And there, sprawled on the floor of a circle K at 3am is Ben and I, spooning. Out cold. Turns out, this lady’s husband runs a bar and they were coming home from work to their local Circle K to get some snacks. Ben and I are passed out sleeping in the middle of an aisle. Soju and pringles by our side. So she tells me that they walked in and saw us canoodling and tried to wake us up for ages, kicked us a little but nothing. Eventually, as they were leaving they tried again and we woke up, apparently Ben took one look at them and just bolted as fast as he could up the road. Apparently I chase after Ben, drunkenly drag him back and promised to get us home. And we obviously climbed on our bikes and got home. Both of us, to this day don’t remember what the hell happened or how or why we were even in a Circle K and WHY did the dude working there let us sleep there. What’s worse is our Head of School got shown the photo and we got hauled into his office and promptly told if any parent or member of the board got wind of this that there was nothing he could do for us. Luckily they did not and to this day I remain a professional and an educator of children.

Thank you