Chocolate

tw: child abuse

Do you remember in Elementary school how kids would sign up to sell chocolate and raise money? Well, I remember the last time I ever decided to do something like that.

I had to be in either the 4th or 5th grade at that time, just a kid. It was my second time I would be selling chocolates. I don’t know exactly what made me so confident in selling, but I did know whoever sold the most would get some kind of prize. I somewhat remembered doing fairly well my first go round, so why not try again?

Now, I was a very independent kid. I think I got it from my father. Nevertheless, by first grade, they had let me walk to school on my own, which was about 5 or 6 blocks away from my house. This takes place in the 90’s so there wasn’t as much fear about letting children walk alone. I was a smart kid and my parent’s trusted me to stay away from danger and to not talk to strangers, so selling some candy wasn't too strange.

When I told my parents abotu the chocolate sellign competition, they weren't too thrilled because they didn’t want to help me get all of the chocolates sold. It wasn't an easy task, so I don't blame them. Still, I begged them to let me do it and they agreed on one condition--I would have to sell most of them by myself. Again, I was independent, so they trusted me to go out and actually sell the chocolates on my own and as a kid, I believed it too.

I remember it clear as day. I had my chocolates and I decided to go down the grocery store, which was a bit further than my school, but still close by, southeast of my house. It was a grocery store called Top Value. Not sure if they are popular elsewhere, but it was sort of a little off brand chain in our city. I walked down to the grocery store, mind you I couldn’t been any older than twelve at this time.

When I got to the store, I was a bit nervous. I was by myself, just some black kid, selling chocolates. I stood just besides the entrance and tried to get people’s attention.

“Who you like to buy some chocolates? They are only $1.”

Some people took the bait, others would ignore me or say no thank you. Eventually an attendant came out and told me I needed to get permission to sell there, but since I was just a kid, they ended up letting me stay. This made me feel a bit better, so I decided to stay there and up my game. I put on a big smile and got more animated. I wanted to win the competition.

I didn’t notice at the time really, but I wasn’t alone. There was a man there in a white suit and hat. Turns out he would be a donation collector for his church or something. He was a dark haired Latino man. I was so into selling chocolates that I hadn’t even noticed him till he came up to me and said hi. I was a shy kid but when an adult talked to me, I would make sure to pay attention and respond back out of respect. So, I said returned his greeting and tried to focus on what I was doing but noticed he came to stand right beside me.

“You here all alone?”

I explained. I told him I was selling chocolates for my school, which must have been obvious. The man in white had his donation box in hand. I looked at it and up at him. He had a thick mustache and dark eyes. I thought maybe I was ruining his business by being there, but I really wanted to prove myself to my parents by selling at least half my box of chocolates, so I stayed.

“For school?” he said. “I used to do that when I was a little boy.”

I just smiled and nodded and tried to get more people’s attention so I could hurry up and sell my chocolates but the man's prescence was becoming a distraction. Every time I looked at him, he gave me a small, weird smile. Looking back, I’m surprised no one questioned what was happening.

For a time he left me alone as I ran up to people to ask them if they were interested in the chocolates, but I was starting to do worse than before, not getting a single sale. That’s when the man approached again.

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” he said. “You know, I used to sale so many chocolates, about four boxes.”

This interested me. I was just a child and if I sold the first box I could get a second and maybe win if I sold at least 3 or 4. So I looked at him and asked, “how?”

He smiled at me again. “I had one really good customer that I would sell to. She would by whole boxes.”

To a kid, that sounded incredible.

“I would go to her house whenever I was selling and knock on her door. She would let me in and buy the whole box,” he continued. “She gave me the money but only wanted one thing in return for the whole box.”

“What did she want?”

He gave his creepy little smile again and lowered his voice, leaning down and closer to me.

“She asked if I would let her touch...you know, down there.”

I knew that was a bad place for adults to touch. I immediately felt uncomfortable. But, he just stared at me. It felt awkward. I almost didn’t know what to say.

“…Did you let her?” I asked.

The man in white nodded and smiled. “I let her touch me and do all sorts of things. It wasn’t scary at all. It felt nice.”

I wanted to run away. I was clenching the box of chocolates in my hands, too freaked out to move. I could have ran away but I didn’t want him to follow me. I completely forgot about the people entering and leaving the store. It felt like only he and I were there for that small, uncomfortable moment.

“I have a lot of money,” he said. “Would you like me to buy your box of chocolates?”

I felt ice run down my back. I was an intelligent kid. I knew exactly what he meant, even at that age and wanted no part of it.

“Umm it’s okay, my parents will sell the rest if I don’t so…” Which I knew was a partial lie.

“Nonsense. I can help,” he said. “There’s an ally right over there. If you come with me, I can buy them.”

I would have thought as an adult, a child might have frozen up, but at that age, I was paranoid and clever. I acted as though I wasn’t afraid and tried to appear confident. My dad had always told me predators could smell someone weak, like a lion hunting gazelle.

“No thank you,” I said. “I have to get back to my uncle’s house now. My father, my uncle and my cousins are all there. We are staying with them right now.”

My uncle and cousins lived next door but they weren’t waiting on me. Neither were we staying with them, I just wanted him to know I wasn't alone. I figured that if he saw me walk off in one direction, he would either follow or assume where I lived and I needed him to know there would be trouble if he did.

“My uncle and cousins can be scary and strict, so I should get home by curfew,” I said. “They play football and I sometimes get to play with them…” I was rambling now, but I was getting my point across.

“Where do you live?” he asked.

I pointed towards the far East but I lived Northwest to the store.

“I’m just staying with my uncle for now.” And pointed in the direction I actually lived.

The man stopped smiling.

“You can’t stay longer? They won’t mind.”

I shook my head.

“If I stay, they will come here to get me and they’ll be angry at you for keeping me here too long.”

The man stared at me and I wondered if he would believe me. Finally, after a long moment of silence, he nodded.

“Then, you should get home.”

I felt like my limbs were on ice, but I quickly turned away and walked briskly towards home, glancing back to make sure he wasn’t following me. I never forgot that man and I never saw him again, ever.

I never told my parents about what happened either, afraid they wouldn’t let me go out by myself if I did. But whoever that man was, he was a predator in disguise.