Child Lying on the Grass

I have no memory of ever having changed. I was always different, my interests were different, I envied the birds that could be free from this tie to the Earth …

While the other children played soccer or hide and seek, I would lie on the sidewalk or on the grass. I was looking up at the tall branches of the trees. For me they looked like roots that penetrated the sky, the tree was a symbol, a being that took root in the Earth and in the Sky. The Yggdrasil. No names, only the memory of a great and heroic time.

In the afternoons the Sun penetrated through a crack in the awnings and in its beam, I could see the tiny particles of dust floating … those particles were worlds … and they were populated … a universe within another universe … we were dust particles in another larger universe .

And so I grew up, lonely and thoughtful … busy with things other than life. Only during adolescence, my hormonal revolution took me a little out of so much ostracism … but it was too late … I would never be like the others …

I lie … I was not so alone … there was my little brother … all a lady. With him I could play knights errant. He did not mind being a man in a chivalric saga … the rest was another matter …

If I grew up alone, my brother took his world very soon.

I was blue … the others were gray. Some of them glowed for brief moments, but soon their light would go out.

And there was Estelita, a perfect body on two wonderful legs. She was deep red. I saw her walk along the sidewalk in front, territory that I did not dare to when she passed … Her mother wanted to make her out with me, the boy with a future from the neighborhood … but she was looking for other things, she surely had an adult lover … and I … did not have future.

From my youth and maturity I only remember that things got worse, the gap widened.

I was blue … and the world … gray …

My time for secret societies and economic success has come … my blue turned lapizlazuli … and that’s when I found Patricia … she was green … but bright green and at the same time subtly evanescent … Patricia was the skin on which I landed with my wings raven … white … very blonde … her sex tasted like honey …

And then it was that I grew as a leader of men, as a guide … how to tell them that I was not going anywhere, that the tree had roots in heaven and earth … and so did we.

Time passed and the blue raven flew across the seas. And it stopped in other lands. And in all of them it was still blue and the earth was gray …

And for shining too much and not keeping anything for myself, it was that, perhaps, illness and poverty came over. The blue paled and turned gray …

Finish in the mountains, on the edge of a lake. Alone, in an abandoned cabin.

It was when She came back and remembered her face in my childhood. Her face white hers, her black hair, her blue cloak … like mine …

Mother told me: And you will go back to being who you were … and you will go down to the city, to return to the mountain with those who want to accompany you.

And my blue return … and go down to the city …

Today is the time of epidemics, death and poverty. I walk among people and I only see pain and fear. The fear. Fear is the enemy. Nobody understands that the tree takes roots in heaven and earth … and so do we …

Soon I will march back to the mountain. I would like to do it together, but I notice that its lights are fading … they are not gray … they just disappear.