Castle of Cards Queen

Invincibility travelled up and down my veins. I was 15 and for the first time nothing could stop me. After being bullied my whole childhood, I embodied the black swan and my fierce dance poisoned the environment with pheromones.

Liam was the popular one. Three years older, bold hair, cool car. He was the one that never acknowledged the freshman girl that stumbled without confidence out of the school bus. That is, until that Saturday at the mountains, while I worked to conquer the dance floor.

Après ski was my love language. Despite not being from a wealthy family I had been blessed enough with a cabin left to me by my grandma. The snow was home and where my skin could shine. He, for the first time, got blinded by my light.

We kissed and made out. It made me feel special. Now I was a cool kid too, he said. Pretentious as only popular kids can be. I believed it.

The very next day he left town. He was meeting friends in a city nearby and promised to call and come back on the next weekend. I couldn’t wait. But I did. And waited by the only phone with reception in that cabin. The silent landline was placed near the bay window from where you could watch everything being covered by the intermittent snow.

I dragged myself through the week and Mike arrived on Saturday. My best friend in elementary school, he had been by my side every time I got bullied. If we ever were in love I could say that his departure to the west coast would’ve wounded me forever. But he became my brother for life. He didn’t like girls anyway, that sexy heartbreaker. Finally we were reunited after such a long time apart.

From the bay window lounge chair Mike observed nature do its magic while waiting for my Cinderella moment . Getting ready for the war involved using my best makeup skills. I was determined to be the beauty queen of my land.

At this point I was hoping that Liam wouldn’t even call that night. He didn’t call all week, anyway, and I really wanted to have fun with my best friend. Especially now that I was feeling confident for the very first time.

As one would’ve expected, the phone rang minutes before we were about to leave. From the bathroom upstairs I shout to Mike as loud as I could:

‘Answer it! If it’s Liam, tell him you are my brother and I already left. I forgot my cell phone at home. Say you don’t know which club I went to. It could be any, you are not sure. Be polite and ask for his number, tell him I will call back tomorrow.’

Mike came inside the bathroom and closed the door behind him. His golden cheeks were now pale. I froze.

‘What happened?’

‘It’s your mom’ - he mumbled.

My heart tightened.

‘She just wants to know if we are ok’

I moaned with relief:

‘Ahhhhhwww! So why do you look like that, silly!’

He managed to spill it out:

‘Liam is downstairs by the fireplace, holding a fancy bottle of wine. He has a cute friend by his side and they just heard everything you said. And he saw me, I think he thinks I’m your date. You should go down and explain everything.’

With all the maturity I held in my teenage body, I crawled under the bed. No good soul could convince me to get out and face my mess. Ridiculous as only a cute self-entitled 15 years old could be.

Liam stayed in the living room perplexed for a couple more minutes. Still trying to process reality. He headed outside with his mute friend following his lead and drove away.

That moment I emerged from the darkness under the bed like a drunk Phoenix. I felt certain that some days you lose big. I was ready to fight for my new kingdom and build with confidence my teenage castle of cards.