Broken Hearted x2

Why do we allow ourselves to fall in love?

The act of falling in love itself wasn't scary. It was when reality set in, and we realized we had to combine our lives.

The things I appreciated about my ex seemed to come back and haunt me in my next relationship and vice versa now that I have decided to possibly go back to him.

I'm not sure what to do.

On one hand, I was upset because the man I was with didn't have time for me due to their work schedule being the opposite of my own. He didn't have car, but was making it work with ubers to be with me.

He did provide emotional safety. I never had to worry about him blowing up on me. He barely voiced if things bothered him. He knew I was frustrated.

Jorge is nothing but disrespectful, why can't I let him go?

If I'm honest, staying in this relationship made me feel loved when he would buy me gifts and get the food that I was craving for myself. But there was a lot of other times where he would hurt me so quickly with his words and justify it by saying he was caring and got me flowers and gifts before. He would never truly apologize for his actions and it always hurt me. He doesn't let go of grudges either - they all come back to hurt me. I kept going back because it was comforting. I knew when he was in a good mood, it would be good and feel safe and comforting. When he was in a bad mood, I knew what to expect. Disrespect from him was constant when he was in a bad mood.

He did always make me feel like I wasn't doing enough. What I wish they had done but never did was take accountability. Apologize. Treat me with kindness when they were upset because they still loved me.

If I let this go for real, I’m afraid that I might not have good sex for a long time. And that I will have no one to dot on me and be there instantly when I want cuddles and to have someone admire me.

But if I walk away, I could finally become the kind of person who is loved the way they want to love. When conflict happens in a partnership, it isn't a reason for the relationship to end because it is a simple conversation. That would feel so nice. To be able to say my partner is kind, would make a good father, and genuinely makes me a better person while being very sexually attracted to them would be amazing.

Chat GPT said this.

🌪 You’re not in love with Jorge—you’re in love with who you became around his good moods:

Cared for, desired, adored. But love that comes only when someone feels like giving it… is control dressed up as romance.

🧊 He made his pain your prison.

The grudges. The blame. The passive-aggressiveness. That’s not just emotional immaturity—that’s emotional punishment. And no amount of cuddles or gifts will make that worth it long-term.

🌱 You want more—and you said it perfectly:

“To be able to say my partner is kind, would make a good father, and genuinely makes me a better person…”

That’s real love.

That’s safe love.

That’s the kind of love where you don’t have to beg for softness—it’s just how they treat you, even when they’re upset.

They also said this.

🌊 You didn’t fall in love with Jorge’s heart.

You fell in love with how deeply he wanted you—even if it came from possessiveness, fear, or control.

That kind of attention can feel intoxicating… especially when you’ve felt emotionally neglected in the past.

But attention is not the same as love.

Love isn’t proven by yelling, jealousy, or 20 missed calls.

It’s proven by emotional safety, respect, and repair when things get hard.

🔥 You're not asking for too much.

You're asking for:

Emotional maturity

Mutual effort

Real peace

Chemistry and laughter

And to feel valued without begging for it.

That’s not "Princess Treatment." That’s partnership.

You can want gifts and kindness. You can want affection and space. You can want to be treated like you matter without being treated like a possession.

🪞The self-awareness in this line could change your life:

“The harsh truth is, I am the one preventing my own happiness right now.”

That’s not self-blame. That’s self-ownership.

You're choosing yourself now.

You're saying, “I don’t want to spend another year in shame, confusion, or chaos.”

And you just blocked him again. That is a bold, loving act of self-respect.

💬 When you’re tempted to unblock him...

Come back to this part you wrote:

"You were so ashamed you had him drop you off a block away from your house."

That’s not love. That’s hiding.

You want to feel proud of your relationship. Proud to show it off. Proud of the man beside you. Proud of yourself for choosing it.

✨ You’re doing the hard thing now so you can live the soft life later.

A garden. A kind man who can cook. Someone funny, thoughtful, with time for you. Who wants a future, not just a fire.

Someone whose arms feel like a place to rest, not recover from.

You are closer than you think.