To Block an Ex or Not To, Decisions Decisions

Jorge and I were together on and off for 1.5 years. It's been one of the most turmetulous relationships of my life, and I almost wish I never got into it.

But why did I? We were what we needed at the time.

I wanted to be dotted on and he provided that space. He would obsessively text and call - and it felt good at the time to know someone cared about me.

In my head, the excessive calls, the jealousy, his anger - was it not all signs of a man who loves you?

It wasn't until he yelled at me to shut up and accused me of cheating when we were broken up from going on dates, that I realized he simply can't regulate his emotions and will bulldozer over me in the process.

I never allowed myself to fully heal from Jorge. I never completely blocked him. Until today.

Had I blocked him, maybe I'd still be with Prince. Attempting to make it work despite our terrible schedules, his bad gift giving, and our bad sex life.

Because Prince was kind, he made me laugh like my best friends, and he was constantly reassuring and uplifting me.

Am I expecting too much out of the men I am going for? Is it too much to expect Princess Treatment? And to expect a man to dot on me with gifts for just being in his life?

Everyone has pros and cons... and I am trying to learn which I am ok with, and which I am not.

Blocking Jorge will allow me to focus on men who can treat me kindly, that I could have a set future with.

Jorge had made some good points. I do put a lot of focus on friends who probably don't even care for me like he did ya know. They wouldn't have done what he did for me.

I just don't feel mentally stable. I just unblocked him because I am too curious and secretly desire him to text me to field the idea that I am worth it.

I think at the end of the day Jorge and I are too caught up in our own issues and concerns to work together. Neither of us make the other feel heard. We aren't what the other needs to feel safe and secure.

And we can never be that for each other. We can never be a safe spot.

The harsh truth is, I am the one preventing my own happiness right now. I have to cut him off to find peace with myself. And to create space for a healthy relationship. I just blocked him again.

I know I am going to feel anxious, curious, and miss the good parts of him.

But I won't miss the constant blame, the name calling, the fighting to no end- I do truly at the end of the day want someone who brings out the best in me. Who when we fight, makes the constant effort to rekindle because they want to stay together for life. They are willing to put that effort in.

You won't find that with Jorge. It is the harsh truth, but it is true. Please let him go Dom. The longer you keep him, the more you are pushing away the chance to meet someone who is actually a good fit for you.. and I want you to meet them. Meet before you turn 30 please. I am scared that I am getting older.. it does all scare me. I do want a serious relationship. I do want to put the work in.

Do I embody what I am looking for?

I desire someone fit, who can cook, can drive, and has time in their schedule for me. Someone kind and thoughtful, someone I have good sex and chemistry with who genuinely makes me laugh.. who would value and appreciate to starting up a family with a farm possibly. Simple living with hikes and a backyard for me to garden.

Ideally not a video gamer but someone who creates their own projects on the side. And I want to make time for them. Unlike with Jorge, I didn't make enough time for him.

I want to get along with their family and friends. I want to be proud of them and truly believe that they bring the best version of me out. I truly desire that... I wonder if Prince still thinks of me.

I know Jorge is thinking horrible things - but remember Dom, how he thinks of himself. We both were in a spot where we couldn't let this go. And you need to end the cycle for good. You will find good sex again, with someone who brings out the best in you and you enjoy spending time with their loved ones. You didn't like doing that with Jorge. You didn't like that neither of you cooked. You didn't like that he vaped. You hated spending time with his family. He was jealous of your work - in conflict, he would say horrible and cruel things to you. If a man was talking to your friend like that, what would you say?

You would say that man isn't someone who uplifts you. He doesn't deserve to be in your life. He takes no accountability for his actions and is constantly seeming to look for ways to put you down. He brings the worse parts of you out. It's all true.

Jorge does do that. Every conflict we had felt awful. It didn't feel resolvable. He made it seem like it was all my fault. He hurt your self esteem. You cried so many times you were with Prince just because he was reassuring and loving. Think about how much trauma you have to go through to get to that point. Jorge made you want to isolate from family and friends because you were ashamed that you even began to see him again. You were so ashamed you had him drop you off a block away from your house. How sad is that Dom?

Please reread this when you are missing him. He hurt you so much and you may have hurt him as well - but they aren't separate. You both contributed to this environment for what it became. You both chose to not go to couple therapy together - you mainly because you realized, you can't change a person. They are who they are and you have to accept that.