Brain Surgery

Most authors tell young writers to write about what they know. At times that can be difficult since what you know is very personal to you. You want to write about fantasy, fiction, anything else except what is actually personal to you with maybe a hint in your stories about the person you are in writing it.

Today I decided that it was time to write about me, a brain surgery patient and how that has truly affected my life. Please understand that by no means is this an easy thing to do. But in the end I know just for myself that it needs to be done. On September 15th, 2015 I was sitting in county jail in Onalaska, Texas for charges of breaking and entering. I had never broke or entered anything, I was just walking down the sidewalk after buying a beer and a pack of cigarettes from the gas station on my way to the motel room that I was staying at.

I was actually looking forward to my day in court since I could easily prove that they had the wrong person when suddenly on that evening when I woke up and needed to use the rest room, I found that my left leg couldn’t move. I simply thought that my leg was asleep, especially since just before going to bed I was up and walking around working on my case that I was going to present before the court. I had feeling in my leg, I believed that it was some how just asleep, but when I tried to walk to wake it up, I fell flat on my face. Not understanding what was actually wrong, my other cellmates came to my rescue. One of the young bucks said “School you had a stroke!”

Now considering that here in my mid-forties, I was actually in better shape then most of the ones in their twenties. Having a stroke was not on the plate for me. There was something else going on here. My cellmate was kind enough to help me to the bathroom but the other cellmates immediately called for the guard to tell them what had happen.

It took the Onalaska Police Department twelve hours before they actually got me any medical attention. They did at least feed me breakfast. Instead of taking me to the hospital, because I assume they thought that I was faking the whole thing they to me to a local clinic. At the clinic when the doctor took ex rays of my brain, found that there was sever bleeding and that I needed to be rushed to a hospital immediately. Amazingly enough I was not only rushed to Houston at Memorial Herman Hospital to be treated but also all charges that Onalaska had on me was suddenly dropped.

After being admitted to Memorial Hermann the doctors came in. Came in to tell me that I needed to have brain surgery, and here it is that the only worry that I had was being in a wheelchair all of my life. If that didn’t make matters worse for me, no one could tell me of the damage that had been done, or the damage that I would face afterwords.

Believe me when I say, you truly wonder about what the damage will be after you have brain surgery. You can’t help but think about what in your life you will lose, especially when you have already lost but just don’t know it yet. You wonder if you will wake up from that operating table, you wonder will you just wind up being a drooling idiot staring out a window. There are no kind words, there are no easy answers, there is only fear, and loneliness because you have to face it alone. Your family can’t help you, your friends can’t help you, you are for the first time since you were a baby, alone.

If you thought this would be a story of hope, sorry, no such luck. You wake up, at first it seems like a dream, even if you haven’t had a dream for years. You try to think, wondering what part of your brain is still actually working. You move your hands around your skull and feel the staples that are there, thinking to yourself to hold what’s left in place. If the hospital is kind and wise, all mirrors have been removed from your room but then that’s impossible isn’t it. You some how make it to the bathroom, and you look at yourself, you somehow make a joke that you look like Frankenstein’s monster and that your just missing the bolts on the ends of your neck. You realize that your life had been changed.

You begin to ask yourself, If you are not the person you use to be, then who the hell are you now? Are you still the same person that you were before? The simple answer is no. You are not the same person and God help you, as much as you may try, you never will be. Parts of you will still remain, but parts of you are forever gone. This is the hardest of reality that you will have to face, weather you like it or not. Very few things will ever truly feel the same for you. At times nothing will ever feel the same for you.

Now for the good news. You are a completely new person, a completely new human being. The past that most people wish that they could forget, well you can. You will face physical limitations, you will have things that you will have to compensate for but in the end you will live. Will life be as wonderful? No. Will you experience the same joy? No. Will you continue on as you always have? Definitely No!

But will you have a new life? Yes. Will you find a way for yourself? Yes! Is this not the end of the road but actually a new beginning? Most Definitely Yes!

Being a brain surgery patient doesn’t mean that life has ended, but it is up to you to make sure that it has continued on. It will not be an easy road, there will be obstacles along the way and please expect them. The one thing to remember is that your a survivor where most people wouldn’t have. In the end, keep surviving!