AS TOLD BY: A Boy Mom No Longer

It all came to a head on Christmas day 2022. I'm a mother of three; two outstanding, smart, and creative girls. And my son, the youngest fun, charming, energetic and friendly. It's always an event on Christmas, me and my husband have the biggest house in our family (ranch), so we have both sides of our families come over, lots of exhaustion, planning and cooking but it's always a hoot. This year was special because my evil mother-in-law decided to come over after and she could be extremely judgey and I WAS a people pleaser.

We had a beautiful table spread and ate until our hearts were content, and the evil mother-in-law was not bad that day. Now to the gift giving, all the kids were so happy opening their gifts, my kids were gleaming with joy and jumping around with excitement, just the kinds of things that make moms feel like we did the right thing for once. My evil mother-in-law gives my girls their gifts, two pink sparkly bags filled with cute little outfits that were surprisingly in trend. They also got matching pink Bailey UGG boots, that I was sure jealous of. The girls were so grateful and excited, they both give their grandmother a big fat hug and try on their boots and clothes.

Then goes my son's gifts. Evil mother-in-law, makes a whole thing about it, calling all the attention of the family. A medium-sized gift neatly wrapped; evil mother-in-law couldn't contain her excitement. My son, having some idea of what it was, rushed to the gift. He excitedly opened the gift, and there it was, a brand new Playstation. On top of the PlayStation were two gift cards from grandpa, one for Five Guys and one for Microsoft for his games. My son jumped around happy as ever, I think he said verbatim "this is the best Christmas ever!"

My girls, while both excited for their brother, trying not to look like little brats, both look at each other. At the time, it wasn't a big deal because he's a boy and boys like video games and cheeseburgers. My sister, who was/is the ultimate boy mom, brings out my nephew's gift it was—you guessed it a Nintendo Switch. The boys were cheerful, which made everyone happy. The grand finale, my husband, tells my son to look outside in the backyard.

My son skips to the backyard and there she was, a baby blue Renegade EFI AKA a four-wheeler ATV. It wasn't the cute kind from Wal-Mart either; it was professional like the real deal. My husband, who has an ATV as well, brings his out and sets my son up. The girls both go up to their dad and ask to join, since they also like riding around too. Dad wanted it to be a dad and son day (they do very often). My husband told the girls not to mess up their new boots and hang out with me and my sister. Like the good little wife, I took my girls inside so my husband and son could have his moment.

My sister and I were baking a recipe we found on TikTok while the rest of the family were hanging out. I was telling my sister about how cute my son and husband were. She agreed. I then talked about going to a spa with my girls on New Year's Day, that I was actually excited about. My sister then shifts the conversation about how much she loves her sons. My sister goes on about how being a boy mom is a better fit for her, and can't imagine having daughters. Not being as progressive as I'm now, I agreed and told my sister I was thankful to have a son that equals out the balance of my family.

Not really trying to argue or make things awkward, I told my sister how my girls are like my best friends. I also told my sister how my son can be a little brat and selfish. She chuckled. I knew what she was thinking, boys will be boys type thing. My son's behavior wasn't a boy will boys' kind of thing, my son really was a little shit. He was sweet and sour like his father, one moment he was sweet and also charming, then he was really bratty. I stopped kind of going on about it when I noticed my sister didn't care.

My sister was a male centered kind of woman, and so was my mother. I have a lot of male cousins, and so because of that my mother was for all of my sister and I's life, always reminding us of how nice it would be to have boys, and how more fun boys are. It was the highlight of my mother's life when my sister found out she was pregnant with a boy. My sister and husband had a beautiful decked out, blue-colored baby shower. Everyone in the family showed up, expressing how happy they were keeping up our family legacy.

I always just took things the way was not really questioning things. Not because I didn't care, but because I thought that things were the way they were, because it must be the natural order of things. Something didn't feel good about that holiday. I mean, it was a simple and fun holiday, right? To be honest, there were problems with my son and my husband before the holiday. Before Christmas, my son got a little too excited about the Christmas party in his class and started jumping around and knocking stuff over. His teacher, who was a really gracious lady, politely told my son to sit.

My son, knowing him, was told several times to sit his behind down. He started to disrupt the class by doing TikTok dances. My son was intentionally ignoring his teacher. The teacher, frustrated by my son's behavior, told him to go sit in the principal's office and that he was not allowed in the class Christmas party. My son was in the office wailing, crushed that he wasn't invited. His teacher called me to let me in.

My husband and I went up to the school. My husband was frustrated because he had to leave work. Even though I'm a stay-at-home mom, I was frustrated too but understood the teacher's feelings were valid. The ride to the school was not easy. My husband was upset because he thought the teacher was being too harsh on him. I told my husband that our son needs to be a little bit more well behaved. That did not sit well with my husband. "boys are just fucking rowdy, there's nothing you could do!" he says, taking a swig of his Monster Energy drink.

We showed up at the school, where my son was sitting with his head down in the principal's office. I approached my son; his face was red and puffy. The teacher came down from her class and greeted us. Long story short, the teacher was having a hard time with my son. I knew my son was the problem, my girls were just fine. My husband was not being receptive at all. He tells the teacher what he told me, that all the boys in the class are probably hyper. The teacher surprisingly agrees, and I felt a little defeated.

Then the teacher surprised me, with further explanation. "Boys are harder to control because no one can control them." Those words felt like a bad spell. My husband's face was red. "You saying I can't control my son?" my husband said. I chimed in, basically apologizing for my son and husband's behavior and I'll try to get ahead of it. I realized at that moment that interaction was what the teacher was telling me about. Instead of scolding my husband for his over emotional behavior, I-- the woman shut the teacher down.

To make matters worse, we stopped at Five Guys on the way home. I ordered my favorite sandwich, and so did my son. My girls were never bad students, I mean, my oldest daughter can be mouthy at times, but that's it and I admire her for it, because growing up I was a little shy. I was tired of my son being bad and nothing being done about it, but that's the way things are, right?

A few months later, my mother called me saying my aunt was dying of cancer. It was terminal. She had little time, and we needed to visit her for the last time. My husband, girls, and my son went down to Kentucky to be with her. When we got to her home, she was laying in her bed with her daughters by her side and tending to her. Towards the end, my cousins had to quit their jobs to take care of my aunt. My daughters were soft with their aunt. My son barely acknowledged her and skipped around her room, almost knocking things over. I scolded him really quick, but my cousin stopped me telling me it was okay their brother was the same way. If I could remember BOTH, their brothers were supposed to be there.

My aunt had four kids, two daughters and two sons. Her husband passed away in a construction accident when all the kids were little. It was really sad; she actually won a lawsuit against them. My aunt worked a lot, and my girl cousins did a lot around the house. My aunt's story was a cautionary tale of a traditional male-centered woman. She worked hard to keep her new husband around, even though he didn't deserve it. She was the type of woman who served her sons eggs with their jelly & toast, while the girls just ate the jelly & toast. Chad her new husband at the time, would often spend her hard-earned money and cheat on her with every bar fly he laid his yellow eyes on. She never left him; she was a widow and that broke her. My girl cousins just raised themselves and served their little brothers.

Only one of her sons showed up, David. My aunt knew David was coming but wanted both of her sons and grandchildren to show up. Josh didn't. David brought his girls with him; they were uncomfortable because they didn't really know their grandmother. The whole thing was kind of sad, my aunt loved her sons so much but only one of them showed up. On top of that, my girl cousins were the only ones taking care of my aunt. They stopped their whole lives to take care of their mother, all by themselves. I looked around at how carefree my son was; he was frolicking around the house and asking for snacks, not reading the room at all. He actually had an attitude because I left his Switch at home.

I realized that behind every boy mom is a selfish son. Moms love their sons with all of their heart and soul like they would their husbands. When it comes to girls, we actually raise them, which is difficult, that ties into the whole boys are easy thing. I tried to focus on being there for my aunt, but I couldn't help but think about my own fate. I know my girls would be there for me or their father if something happened to us, but what about my son? He was already selfish and difficult. My son already showed signs of lack of empathy, and he was spoiled which I could admit was on my part.

I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason. I also believe that certain events take place for us to open our eyes. Unfortunately, visiting my aunt on her last days opened my eyes. I needed to be more aware of my surroundings and take control of my environment. While sitting in the living room, hanging out with my nieces a lot of thoughts went through my head. What if my son shoots up a school and blames me? what if my son is mean to women and blames his sisters? My sister shows up, about three hours later by herself. My sister's husband wasn't there, and her boys weren't there. I muttered to myself "are you fucking serious?"

You would think someone would bring their children to see their aunt one last time before she passes, but not my sister. Check this, when I asked my sister why she didn't bring the boys--she said that she didn't feel like having them in the car for so long and they would start to get too anxious. (mind you, they all had a family road trip to Florida at one point) I started boiling, but again my controlled nature and fear of rocking the boat kept me from cussing my sister clean out. I couldn't believe her, putting her sons and husband, who were probably sitting at home doing nothing before family obligations. I knew right then and there, this was some of calling.

BOYS WILL BE BOYS----UNFOURTANTLY

Another damn call from the school! the same teacher too. It was right in the middle of palates too; I was actually hoping that it would be one of my daughters this time. I told the teacher that I will show up this time since my husband really could not leave work that time. Before I left, I shot my husband a quick text message of what's happening. My husband just like before, thought the teacher was picking on our son. I didn't respond because I knew our son was the problem and I needed to get ahead of this.

On the way to the school, I was a little excited. I knew that this was my chance to finally change some things. It was serious shit; we were all in the principal's office again and this time the teacher was not as understanding. My son was sitting there again looking sad. This time the principal told me the problem. My damn son, shoved some kid's face in his school lunch and shouted "yeet bitch!" I have never felt so embarrassed in life. What kind of little POS did I raise? Sorry, that was harsh. My face was red, and I was at a loss for words. The principal had this kind of shame in her eyes and then she asked me what I thought about the situation. Everyone was listening.

I told the teacher and the principal that I was sorry, and I did not raise him like that. I really didn't--well I thought I didn't. I got a text message from my husband, asking me of what stupid complaint they had. Ignoring the message again, I listened to what the teacher had to say. The teacher said that she could no longer have him in the class, which I truly understood. The principal chimed in and said that my son is now suspended. My son started to sniffle and cry, usually it would move me, but I was so ashamed of my son. Where did my son get that kind of behavior, I couldn't tolerate it anymore.

Before me and my son left, the principal told me she'll give me a call before he can come back. She looked at me giving me that look, like when you fuck up at work and your manager tells you they'll give you a call. I grabbed my son's scrawny arm "ouch mommy!" he said, I didn't care not one bit. I put him in the car and cussed him out. My son was scared because I never yell at my kids, their father doesn't even yell at them either. I was speeding and asking my son why the hell he would do something like that.

Since my husband was at work, I had nobody to vent to but my sister who worked from home. I vented about the whole thing, and she gave me some disappointing boy will be boys answer again. When are we going to start calling boys assholes? when are we going to tell boys, they have a problem? I put my son in time out and told him he was grounded, I took away everything you could think of games, TV, crayons and I even told him I didn't want to see him. In the afternoon I got my girls from the bus stop, they were happy because they got to see an owl at school as a surprise. They came through the door happy and bragging about their day.

There my son went, as soon as his sisters came home, he started crying and wailing like-- really loud. He was trying to get their attention and of course they were concerned. I shouted out to him to shut up. My girls looked at me like I was crazy, I've never yelled in front of them or got angry in front of them. "what's wrong with him mommy?" one of my daughters asked me. I honestly told them what their brother did at school, I also reminded my girls not to entertain their brother or even talk to him until dinner. It was important that I drove the point to my daughters not to run to solve men's problems, in so many words. I know that that was something I needed to start working on as well, but I wanted to let them know something.

That was the first step to trying to rip the toxic boy mom behavior out of me. I thought I did a good job, but I forgot I had to face my husband. The rest of the afternoon was nice and quiet, my son cried himself to sleep and I let my girls play with his PlayStation, which they had a lot of fun with. I started on dinner, in comes my husband he pecked me on the cheek and gave the girls a hug. For some odd reason, my stomach started to feel hot, and I got nervous. I'm not scared of my husband; he never gives me reason to be scared. My husband doesn't like when anyone is "too tough" on his only son. Probably because of his past with his father.

I explained to him what our son did. He was shocked but not as upset as I wanted him to be. "That is unacceptable!" I yelled with my voice bouncing off the walls. He told me not to yell but I didn't care, our son was so bad that day and I couldn't let that behavior go. My husband was mad at me because he wanted me to let it go, and reminded me that I'm his mother and shouldn't be yelling at him like that. I was offended; it was like my husband was telling me to act like a sweet soft lady. I started seething, I told my husband how I felt. I told my husband that he needed to start being his father and let him know who the adult was. Of course, hubby was mad.

Hubby was so mad that he ate dinner in our room. It was kind of intense, kids get weird especially when you're mad at them. I would usually try to balance things out when things got too hot, which I thought about doing. I stood on business; I did this for myself and my daughters---and my aunt. I was proud of daughters seeing that version of myself, it's okay to not be okay. My son knew at that point that the crying won't work. He ate his baked Ziti looking at me and his sister with sad eyes, that we ignored.

Deconstructing this horrible disease of boy momism, doesn't just start with the son, it also starts with fathers and daughters. I knew that a lot of complacency over the years was caused by fear. I didn't want to look like I was nagging, my husband actually told me before we were married that he liked that I was 'laid back' since his ex wasnt. That was a red flag that I missed. At bedtime, I kissed my son on the cheek and told him I loved him. My husband did his little night-time routine and went straight to bed, no cuddles or sex. It stung a little bit, but I let it go, and went to bed.

I had a good night sleep considering what happened the day before. My sleep was so good that I was looking at some sort of alternative school programs for our son. I found one, that was next to the plaza downtown. It looked legit, since I had a bad feeling that his current school was going to kick his ass to the curb. Since my son was suspended, he was still at home, he was in his room laying on the floor and being dramatic. I decided to give my son a task since I felt like laying down was reward. I made my son right down in 100 words why his behavior bad. I know 100 words is intense for a 9-year-old, but he needed this.

I sat my son at the dining room, gave him a granola bar and told him to come to me when his little essay was done. I skipped yoga class since no one could watch my kid. I laid down in my bed scrolling through TikTok, there must've been a secret spy looking through my phone because I stumbled on a video, ironically a boy mom talking about how her son was her best friend. I couldn't relate, not that I didn't love my son, but I felt so drained by him lately. To be honest and I'm not just saying this, I loved my girls just a little more. My daughters, even though they were young, were turning into the girls I wanted them to be so far, everyday I'm proud.

Surprisingly my husband came home a little early. I could hear him talking to my son in the dining room. My husband was mad that I made our son do an essay on his behavior. I guess he thought that I would let it go, I usually let everything go but this time I had balls, and I wanted to show them. My husband literally shoves the paper in my face, my son only wrote one sentence typical. "let this stuff go!" he said. Come to find out, the school expelled our son and instead of calling me, they called my husband. I knew why they called my husband, they assumed I was like every other mom at that school with their sons, passive. They were right, I've been passive with my son's behavior that whole time and it got worse, but my husband?

I can't make this shit up, while we're arguing about our badass son the same school called. It was about our daughter, and strangely they called me this time. I was a little agitated "what!?" I yelled. My daughter was supposed to be partners with some girl she doesn't like. Her shady teacher knew my daughter and this evil little dust bunny didn't like each other. So basically my daughter didn't want to do something, and she vocalized it, big deal I let it go. I hung the phone up and continued proving my point to my stubborn Taurus husband. I wish someone told me being a boss was tiring.

I wanted so badly for my husband to be on the same page as me. He wasn;t budging. My husband was telling me that I needed to let this stuff with our son go because he's tired. I felt the same way. Our son is our only son, and my husband made sure to remind me all the damn time. My husband was telling me that I was being too strict, and I need to let it go. My husband walked out before I could tell him what happened to our daughter at school, and the new school I was going to enroll our son in.

Sometime has passed and we sort of got over the whole bad son thing--kinda. If you ask me, I didn't do enough discipline. Our son was still expelled and still not enrolled in any school. My husband was treating me like I was abusing our kid, so he sent him to his mother's house. You know, the evil mother-in-law. My only friends were my daughters at this point, I couldn't talk to my simple minded and pick-me sister or my mother since they both share the same brain. I made up my mind, my son was going to an alternative school until he can hang out with regular kids.

Right as that thought popped in my mind, my evil mother-in-law comes by to drop my son off. They had fun, something that I was upset about. My evil mother-in-law took my son to the park and took him to Applebee's, even after telling her that he was on punishment. This chick deliberately gave my son a good time, rewarding his bad behavior after I thought I made progress with him. Evil mother-in-law was about to tell me something else, but I wasn't having it. I ripped into her, something I've never done.

I asked her why she would take my son out, knowing he was on punishment. She got really sassy and told me she could do what she wanted with her grandson. I told her it was MY son, and that I don't reward bad behavior. She looked at me stunned; I told my son to go upstairs. "You're stressing my son out!" evil mother-in-law added. I couldn't believe she made this about her son, I told her that her son needed to step up. I also added that I'm not reason my son like how she raised her son. My mother-in-law scoffed and called me a bitch before leaving in a childish huff.

All the weirdest stuff happens at dinner time, I decided to call Doordash so I could order food and zip. My husband was more upset then he's ever been, he was mad that I disrespected his mom, and I didn't care. He kept accusing me of being a different woman and I was. I was not a boy mom anymore, and I was not catering my son's feelings or my husband's. I was the woman in this situation, and if my husband wanted me to be his wife, he needed to go along with everything I said. My son is not special because he's a boy, he's a kid with behavioral issues that need to be addressed.

I told my husband that we're meeting with that new alternative school with our son. Yeah, yeah,yeah my husband had an attitude. I didn't care; I was gonna go without him either way. I looked my husband into his tired and angry eyes and asked him what he was going to do about it. Cool right? nothing he walked away. I had a voice, and I wasn't losing it I'm not a boy mom, I'm a mother who spreads equality in the household, like it should be.

THE END.