Anxiety Ridden... Or Maybe Just Dramatic?

You'll probably read the word 'worry' so many times you'll forget what it means by the end of this.

I worry a lot actually. I worry about everything. Big things, small things, things that are out of my control, things that are in my control. Being stressed out from worrying has become a HUGE part of my life -- it's routine. At this point, if I'm not stressed out about something by the end of the day I always feel weird. Like I'm missing something or like my day is about to be ruined because I left something important at home. Great! so now I'm worried about not being worried, which is only gonna make me worry more because I'm not worrying. Crazy right?

I often think it's just me being a drama queen but when i actually think about it, i genuinely can't help it. Yes, i could give myself a pep talk and convince myself that everything is gonna be alright, but im still gonna nervous. it just becomes even more stressful when im worried about things that I can't do anything about. Even though I know this I still worry because that's all I can do. It's easier said than done to just 'let it go', and to 'just breath and not think about it'. Life just terrifies me A LOT.

I'm one of those young adults that still need their mother to help them fill out paperwork at the doctor's office or to tell me how many painkillers I should take. It's not that I don't know anything, I just always need reassurance. This is very annoying because constantly needing reassurance means constantly rechecking things even though I don't need to.

I'll paint a picture for you. Let's say i needed to carry a bunch of stuff out of the house. All at once though, because we don't do second trips over here. To minimize the number of little things I have to carry, I put my phone in one of the bags. I saw it, I felt it. I definitely know that I put my phone in that bag, but i was focused on other things when I did it, so I have little faith that i actually did. Now, bags are in the car, I'm buckled in, and on the road, but wait... I forgot to get my phone out of the trunk. Or did i actually leave it in the house? Seriously, I know deep down it's in the trunk but guess what I'll be thinking about the entire car ride, the possibility that i didn't.

I know im doing too much, but it's okay I believe one day I'll get it under control.

It’s really crazy, it's almost like it’s taken over my life. My worries are so bad that I can't even watch tv. Yes. That is exactly what I said. Almost every series I start on Netflix never gets finished because I get so nervous about what will happen next. There are only a few series I've finished. Stranger Things and On My Block are the first two and getting through those shows was hard. Everything else, Good Girls, How To Get Away With Murder, All American, and a plethora of other shows are still under ‘continue watching’.

I don’t know what it is, i just panic when the plot starts to thicken and my immediate reaction is to turn it off. Sometimes i even get headaches when too much is going on. I just recently finished Squid Game and im surprised i got through it so quick but i will say toward the end i did turn it off. I ended up sticking it out and accepting their fate.

You wouldn't believe how long the list of people I need to call is. The list is long partially because im a nervous wreck but also because im a professional procrastinator, but that's another story. Thanks for reading!