All My Exes Hate Me Part 3: The One Who Backed Out

I promised from the beginning. No names. No revealing details.

I guess he thought his dirty laundry would be aired if he participated.

Perhaps my promise didn't hold any value to him. Unfortunately, I’ve kept more than enough secrets for him in the past.

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He was one of the first people I asked when I started this journey. He agreed, and we spoke about when would work best so I can interview him.

And then he disappeared.

I posted a reel on Instagram teasing my first story and then it came. The phone call.

“It seems like some of these people really love you and would like, be with you.”

“Dude, you’re so brave, how’d you even come up with this?”

“I wanted to see if you still wanted to talk.”

I told him the story was written already and it wasn’t necessary.

“Come on, Gail. I know you. You know you’re going to keep doing this.”

And he was right. Once my first story was out, I knew I had to get deeper. And although it would have been great to have more than that phone call and random texts - the story must go on.

I won’t chase another one of these ghosts ever again.

After that phone call, I thought, fuck it. I can always use it for a different story. Or possibly some closure, who knows?

I told him a day that could work for me. And then I never heard from him again. Classic.

The moral of this story isn’t pretty. This ghost is about a really dark time.

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I’ve heard many people’s excuses for cheating.

I have trust issues.

They don’t treat me right.

I love them but temptation always wins.

Affairs can feel like fun. But they’re so damaging.

To your mind, to your heart. To people's lives.

I have been the other woman. Unknowingly. And shamefully, knowingly.

At times I felt like it was a sick little game. Like I was pulling one over on people. As if him making the decision to lay with me was more important than the things he promised his partner.

It wasn't. And it never would be.

You can tell yourself - “why should I care about the relationship if he clearly doesn’t?”

And I’ll tell you why.

Because you’re a human. And just because you’re the shitty one in another person's story without them knowing it doesn’t make you any less shitty.

If I'm being honest, I don't know how it started. One moment I was living my life, and the next thing I knew he was in my apartment. He would come over and we would catch up like old friends, because in a way - we were.

We had so many encounters over the years and shared our stories along the way. We would discuss our current dating lives. And outside of the infidelity, it was nice to have someone to listen.

Despite the messiness, we had an interesting understanding. We genuinely got along, and in another life, we could've just been good friends. But sadly, that's not and won't ever be the case here.

He awakened something in me when he touched me.

I felt desired. It felt dirty and right and wrong all at the same time. But it didn’t change anything. Those fleeting moments would never be able to give me the love I needed, would never be something good for me.

I would never be satisfied being an option that would never, ever be first.

This story isn’t to trash him. He'll have to deal with those demons on his own time. And who knows? Maybe he’s in therapy (probably not).

I, on the other hand, am sharing with you all. This is my release. It's about owning up to my mistakes. The things I regret. And I don't tend to regret a lot. But this one deserves it.

I also know that I’m pretty cynical. It comes from a lifetime of witnessing so many people be unfaithful in some way or another.

Experiencing someone being unfaithful to me. Being unfaithful myself. It's still no excuse for my actions.

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I would have loved to have more from him.

Did he love me?

What would he describe us as?

What was his favorite thing about me?

But it seems like curiosity killed the cat. And to be honest, those questions don't need answers from him anymore. This is just goodbye to that situation, who I was, and all the mistakes I made along the way.

I learned the hard way that certain things don’t mean anything to people. Not a relationship, not even a ring.

The point is, I get to tell my truth. I gave him the chance to tell his.