A story of breaking a friendship

I'm not one to have over ten or more friends as I like to call them acquaintances; however, there were two guys I've known for about five years during high school. I'll call them Jerry and Port. We always hung out for lunch and talked about current events and outside activities. As an indoor person, they'd try to drag me out of the house to get some sun and touch some grass once in a while. I am grateful but I won’t lie and say I was a little annoyed.

When COVID came, it came around graduation so we were unable to be in-person for that event which was fine to me but understandable for others to be frustrating. When the lockdown became a bit more lenient, Port reached out to me, stating, "we should hang out again, let's meet at the Painted Ladies." I became so used to staying at home that even though I knew these guys for five years, it was a little hard to get out. I begrudgingly said, "alright, let's meet on the 18th of June." Jerry at the time was too busy preparing for college to come. I and Port would get lunch at a nearby sandwich shop and some boba drinks. We would rest on the grass facing the painted ladies.

Having talked to no one for about an entire year during 2021, it felt a little awkward. I guess despite the years, I felt disconnected. We would talk about Jerry's mystery-like aura as he tended to never talk about himself and have some laughs. We then strayed into the topic of romance and crushes. There were a couple of girls who liked Port, but he always turned them down. I did have a suspicion that he may have been possibly gay so I made a joke about it. It was then he would say, "yes, I am gay."

"Are you messing with me?" I said. I was taken aback. He knew that I wasn’t exactly a supporter but he still confessed. Quite admirable but daring. While I am neutral today, I didn’t appreciate the community during high school so it was understandable for him to hide it for five years.

"No, I'm serious. I've been gay since middle school," Port stated. A little bit frustrated, I asked, “so why did you confess to me? I understand your secrecy during high school when I didn’t like the community but you could’ve stayed in the closet.”

“Just because. I would have to come out eventually. I figured you would’ve loosened your stance after all these years.”

Well, he was right. Over time, I’ve met bisexuals, lesbians, pansexuals, etc. He was the first gay I’ve met.

I became interested and asked him if he had liked any guys at our school. There was one but he never mentioned who. I asked if he told his parents about it. He did and said that they weren't so happy about it. Well, it's no surprise. Good on his parents to not disown nor kick him out as you hear stories of teens becoming homeless because of their sexuality. He then told me that he also wanted to come out to Jerry to which I replied, "don't do it. It won't end well. I believe he's anti-LGBTQ." A couple of weeks later, we were texting in the group chat.

Jerry made some new friends. One of which was a girl who was quite popular. Port kept pestering him about her. Jerry described her to be one of those happy-go-lucky girls and Port kept pushing him to hang out with her and let him meet her if he ever visits. Jerry then said, "what... are you into those types of girls?" Port would retort, "no." They would keep going back and forth until Port said in the chat, "I'm gay." It went silent for a while afterward.

A few days later, they scheduled another hangout. Jerry would talk privately to me in the car about Port. "Do you believe this guy!? Five years and he never told us? I feel betrayed. Alright, let's ghost him after our next trip." I was a bit surprised that he wanted to ghost Port as he was always a direct and forward person in my eyes. Jerry told me that after Port confessed, they moved to their own private chat and spoke about it. I didn't receive any details of what happened in there. In my head, all I said was, "damn it all... Port, you should've kept quiet." I and Jerry would converse privately in the car and I responded,

"isn't it fine man? We weren't exactly supporters in high school."

"So what? He betrayed us. He could be hiding more things from us. Weren't we friends?”

"We all have secrets. It's best to let it go."

"Don't you hate gays Logan?"

"That was a long time ago. I couldn't be bothered anymore, but I will admit that I am a bit annoyed.”

“Hahaha, annoyed? Well, knowing you, it’s not surprising.”

“Look Jerry. I’m not exactly as close as you two are. He would be hurt more if he loses you.”

“That’s exactly what we should do. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Betrayal.”

I let out a sigh. “Alright, I’ll go with the plan.”

The situation was ideal for me who preferred to be alone. I did feel guilt as talking behind the back of someone never felt good especially when it’s a friend. Jerry also took it as an opportunity to break things off with me as well... our relationship wasn’t exactly a good one in the first place.

When Port came back, Jerry went back to normal. I stayed quiet the whole time.

After our last trip and supposedly proceeding with the plan. I do wonder from to time if this was a test. A test to see if I was a true friend. After all, he wouldn’t share the details of the private chat and their relationship are much closer than I was to either of them. I guess I never really trusted them in the first place. I find it strange that it ended quickly and easily. Do I regret it? Not sure really but I do still feel like an a**hole about it. I find it difficult to maintain relationships so it wasn’t anything new. If such a scenario happens again, it would probably be different next time.