A shameful daughter tales

We’re all here because of the love our parents has for a little “playtime” right? Lol, we may not know (definitely don’t want to know) how EXACTLY we got here but we do know the “do” was done. Some of us have mother’s and no father and we tend to give our mothers the father role because the man who helped concieve us were out not in the picture. Well at least I know for years my mother gave herself that role and even played it well.

As a young girl, I got everything you could ask for, toys, games, and money from both my mother and grandmother. I was the only child so of course I was spoiled with more than enough and I’m still grateful for those days, because of my mom and grandmother, I have the backbone to make life keep going for my kids and I. As I said before I had everything you could ask for but there was just one issue in my life that I just couldn’t shake. The fact my mom was a LESBIAN! Now I know some may say “really that’s petty” or “that’s childish” but remember I was still a child. Don’t get me wrong I loved my mom but would hate when other kids would ALWAYS drag me about my mom looking more like a man than a woman (her choice). She had the whole nine going on, the short haircut, baggy men clothing, even the voice! Nothing is wrong with any of that, in fact, I never had a problem with it as far back as I can remember until I was in second grade. I can vividly remember kids always asking me why my mom talked the way she did and why she cut her hair off and let me tell you after so many people asking me this it made me very sensitive to even bring my mom up cause I was scared to be asked the same questions by some of the same people who had already asked before.

Time went on and I still was being asked and when people who just wanted to be flat out insensible and rude they would say things like “you’re going to be gay like your mom”. I HATED THAT SO SO MUCH!! Some would even ask why would she cut her hair off like a boy and I remember a time or two where I would lie and said something dumb like she hide the ponytail in the back. Lmbo like how cause she didn’t have a single strand of hair on her head but that’s not the point here lol. Years went on I got older still the same thing and when I finally moved away from my hometown it was a relief. I knew people didn’t know my mom in the new city I was in so I didn’t have to go through that anymore as long as I didn’t have to go back to my hometown with my mom.

I remember so many days I would wish my mom would just be a regular mom and grow her hair back and wear womens clothes so people would leave me alone. Nope til this day she still does her own thing (and that’s totally fine). But do you know the craziest part about the kids at school bullying me about my mom?? Most of those same kids have came out the closet in their adult or teenage years!! Crazy right? Yeah, I said the same thing too lol.

When I moved to a new city with my aunt, I would tell people my aunt was my mom cause I definitely didn’t wanna go through my junior and high school years as that girl with the gay mom. Some have said they wouldn’t mind that but it wasn’t them, I didnt like to be singled out as someone I knew that I wasn’t. Looking back now I wish I could have stood up for myself and just maybe I would’ve been better off. Right??

I remember a girl at the new school had a mom that was just like my mom. The clothes and short hair cut and more of a man than she was woman. Me personally I never spoke about her cause basically we were living the same life but I sort of escaped mine. There were times we were in class and kids use to tell her the same thing they told me “that’s why your mom gay” “you’re going to be just like her” they would even go as far as making a song about how her mom was gay and she would follow and unexpectedly she wasn’t anything like me. She was way together at the skin than I was. I wish I could’ve been like her at that time.. but let’s jump forward to me being 15 and pregnant!!!

Now what does me being 15 and pregnant have to do with anything? Nothing at all, but of course that means my mom had to come into my life and meet my child father. To me that was my biggest fear cause I didn’t know what was going to be said after or what my child father would think because I lied to him as well, letting him think my aunt was my mom. I know! I know! That’s ridiculous! But you could never understand what we’re all the thoughts going through my head at that time.

When my mom came down to get me and took me school shopping I definitely don’t want her meeting my child’s father but that day came really soon… They got into a heated argument and things that could have been avoided were said. That’s when it came out that she was my mother, and I was so shame all over again. I’ll never forget when she found out I told my child father she was basically a family friend or whatever I told him she looked to me and said “I’m your moma, what you shamed of me”?!!! Me being pregnant and shamed I remember crying so hard. That one sentence stuck with me forever because I knew I was shamed to have her as a mother. All because I hated being bullied have off my childhood.

Today, I am 25 and I still think back at all the things I went through and just wish I was tougher to soak up for myself. So for the kids who have went through this or is going through this please stay strong! We’re all strong but be strong enough for your mind as well because you most definitely will look back and be like “i can’t believe I let that get to me for so long”. She gave me life so why would I be shamed of the choices she made after me? I know I’m not the only one who has gone through this so I took the time to just give insight on how it was for me because I know I wasn’t the last to feel insecure about my mom’s lifestyle. Stick up for yourself ALWAYS and learn to love your mom for who she is, you will not regret it.