A Secret Never shared to my mom

Mom, when i think of the many times you have been there for me, i feel ungrateful, as I haven't shown you true gratitude for the times you have saved me from myself. As a boy, I have looked to you for nourishment, for advice, for spiritual counselling, for learning to be an adult, and many more. Since that span of time, I have asked and received, but have not reciprocated the same for you.

A secret i have never shared with you will be a day where I lied and hurt you in the process. You approached me, asking why i said what I said, but instead of telling the truth, I lied, which not only hurt you, but hurt many in the process, to which today, I say i am sorry. So many times, i have caused a lot of trouble for you and Dad, even as a kid from stealing, cheating, lying, gossiping, etc, but you never for once cast me aside, but in your kind words, cautioned me on my actions, as well as its consequences. As an adult, I have made mistakes i wish i can go back in time to change, but know that isn't possible, so left to live with my action and its consequences.

Another secret i have to share is how i occupied my time in school. I would go to hawk for jobs, and do all kinds of menial jobs from car cleaners, to mobile operators, to laborer type jobs to meet basic needs and pay rent. You cautioned me before i headed to school to put my nose to my education and not get easily distracted, but i failed to listen to you, and went ahead chasing after all forms of distractions, which caused me to flunk school, and end up as a drop-out early on. My actions hurt the family, to which this day i am ashamed of, as I lament my ignorance and my actions.

Another secret is that of my active participation in church services. I skipped a lot of church services during my high school days, which affected my faith and beliefs, due to setbacks i experienced at work, school, and personal life. I took it out on my creator, blaming him for every bad situations occuring, which was a detestable act, and a sin. God has been so good to me in countless ways and forms, that for I to turn back and be ungrateful to him was beyond selfish and immature.

You admonished us as kids to always tell the truth, live honourably, fear the lord and be hardworking, traits which i didn't live up to till today. At times, I ask myself if i had taken your words of wisdom to heart, how my life will have been different, and I would have seen the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wonder if i am selfish in nature to take advantage of your kindness, and not give anything back. I have to end this sort of behavior, and be more open to lending a helping hand, than being closed-off and selfish in my way of thinking. I owe you so much mom, and hope one day, you can look back, and be proud.

Looking back, I am happy you and Dad never gave up on me, after many years of struggle. You kept believing God that you will testify, and in 2022, it has become a reality. Praise be to God.

You are the best mom in the whole world, and I am blessed to have you as my mom.