A most embarrassing moment in time

I was 17 years old and a senior in high school and had briefly dated a young man for 4 months that I will refer to as Benny. We actually only went out once and that was a triple date to a school dance. There were 7 of us in the vehicle and it was not much fun. I was head over heels in love with him, or so I thought when I found out he had never really broken up with his previous girlfriend. I was heartbroken and did not feel as if I would ever get over him. One Friday night after we broke up there was a party at the Masonic lodge near my home. When Benny and his friends came in the building my heart began to flutter.

He asked me to dance and I was elated. I thought perhaps he had changed his mind and wanted to get back together with me. I wondered what his girlfriend would think about him being in my neck of the woods. Later in the night he asked if I wanted to go outside with him and I was so happy. I imagined us hugging, kissing, and perhaps even something more. I was young and dumb and thought making out was all that would take place. I did not have sex on my mind, that night I was a girl in love. There were alarm bells going off in my head and I was not 100% certain I should go out the door with him.

I did not know if we were just going outside the building to talk or perhaps he would ask me to be his girl again. Was he going to take me to someone’s vehicle and what would I do if things went too far? I was a virgin and not sure if I really was ready for my first time if that indeed was what this was about. I’m having all kinds of doubts but I’m glad Benny is with me holding my hand and I wanted someone to tell his girlfriend that she really did not have him back the way she thought she did. Part of me felt like going back and sitting down but I kept walking. It’s taken time to write this but it only took a few moments to get from my seat to one of my most embarrassing moments.

We had walked maybe 20 steps when bam, something hit my head. There was a table near the door where the DJ spun the records. A light hung down from the ceiling inside of a lampshade that was held up by a cord. It was just in front of the table with a plastic lamp hanging over it. Somehow my head hit the lamp and I was stunned for a moment. When I came to my senses Benny had gone out the door and left me behind. He did not even look back to find out what happened or to see if I were OK. I was so embarrassed as aI went back to my seat with my head held down in shame.

I thought of the song Everybody plays the fool (sometimes) by The Main Ingredient. I felt as though it was my lot in life to be the village idiot all the time. Monday morning in school a girl who I thought was my friend brought up the incident when there were 5 or 6 of us standing around. She yelled out loudly how embarrassing it must have been to get hit in the head and have Benny leave me standing there. She improvised and exaggerated and had everyone’s full attention while I wished I could have been invisible. On the school bus, she again brought up the incident and held court with everyone laughing with her at my expense.

The laughter was absolutely unbearable and I felt so humiliated I wanted to cry. When I got off the bus I ran into the house and lay across my bed and cried like a baby. “ Why me, “ I asked myself? Why did I have to bump into that stupid lamp? How is it that people were coming and going all night in that same location but somehow I got clunked on the head? Why was I always the one who had things to mess up? I felt so ashamed then but now I look back on it differently.

If I had gone outside I might have been in a situation that I could not handle. I may have been faced with an uncomfortable proposition that I was not ready for. I am thankful now that the lampshade hit me in the head and intervened. A few weeks after this fortunate couple vent I met the man I would be married to for 40 years so I have no regrets. On that night however, and for a long time after, I felt as if I were the town simpleton. As a side note Benny never reached out to be again.