A Life In My Hands!

Life changes unexpectedly when you become a mother. It’s a hard journey but endlessly rewarding. Most stories start at the beginning but ours starts here on the 22nd of January my daughter Kyleesha’s second birthday. I’d had a rough transition after having my second child. She had a different dad to her eldest sister so naturally you’d assume the differences between them were from different genes or just luck.

Shaylee never vomited from breast milk to formula to the dairy milk transition but Kyleesha did. On her second birthday she was sick moody and I was on the verge of taking her to the hospital for what seemed like the 20th time that year, but she however become her happy self once we came home from her birthday party. I’d taken her to the hospital numerous times for being nauseated we were always told it could be a food allergy. One time we had a nose swab done and she actually had influenza B.

It was the morning of the 23rd of January, my two year old was standing in the shower she turned on to vomit holding her head saying “ow” instinctively I rushed her to the hospital once again this time we had a CT scan.

A group of about 8 nurses and doctors coming towards me telling me she has a 5cm tumour in her brain and we’re being transported to Lady Cilento Hospital via ambulance immediately.

“Your daughter has 3 weeks to live”We’re the words I heard shortly after she was diagnosed with a rare cancer called Atypical teratoid rhabdoid tumour - ATRT for short. 10 tumours grew in a period of 10 days. It was fast, aggressive and effected her nerves. She developed access brain fluid, multiple operations. She had 3 cycles of chemo before we decided to stop as it wasn’t working.I chose for her to have quality of life. I put my daughter back in school in the middle of the COVID pandemic her school kind and willing to let her spend her days doing what she loved playing and spending time with her friends, I’m extremely grateful.

I’d felt like the odd one out becoming a new mum, being a single mum, raising two kids. Then I met the man that raised kyleesha as his own. My heart was full my life was perfect talking about getting married. Everything I thought I’d never had I had until the day we walked into the hospital with her and she never came again. She fought for 7 months before passing away on the 28th of July. Nothing prepares you for news like that even when you know it’s coming. Everything felt broken all relationships are fractured and still are.

She was so special and one of a kind no one understands the experiences I’ve gone threw, pain and heartache I’ve felt except maybe him. It’s that unconditional love from my eldest daughter that has got me to here. I’m currently writing a biography so although you might not of heard of my children you will.

Shaylee saved me more than once in this lifetime with her presence, love, compassion and everything I thought I was looking for in this life I found in her.

It’s almost been a year without her.. I’m lost, healing, heartbroken and alone. No one can relate to me my girls give me strength.