A Dirty Business for Young (Old) Players.

At the tender young age of sixty-eight, I never dreamed that I would enter the world of online dating.  I was married twenty-six years ago, and I thought that was it for life. 

I dreamed of being a loving old couple. You know, the ones you see walking hand in hand like they’re still in love at sixteen.

Alas, it was not to be. It fell apart for many reasons. Now, I am alone with my two little dogs. They are my constant companions.

Don't get me wrong, I really value their listening. They’re caring and always patient. However, they can’t go out to dinner, and they never find my jokes funny!

I thought I could cope with my own company, but after four years of being a monk, I wanted—no, needed-a female companion. 

Go Forth, Young Man!

I knew it wouldn't be easy, and I had convinced myself it just wasn't worth the effort.  I don’t know what changed, but I suddenly found myself on a mission to find a friend of the opposite sex. I did a Google search for “best dating sites (in my country).” I was amazed at the list it produced.

Some had really great names like “Plenty of Fish,” “OKCupid,” and "RedHotPie."

Others I had heard of: RSVP, eHarmony, Elite Singles.  There were even specific ones for older folks—SilverSingles.

After filling out several profiles, I sat back and waited. Some sites require a membership, while others are free to join. However, if you want to send a message to someone, you have to pay with an active token that you purchase in packages.

It was a bit like fishing. After a week, I got a few bites. None of them led to anything. I also had several from females, but I’m not sure they were alive!

I decided to broaden my horizons a bit; that is when I learned the hard lessons about online dating.

Things Just Ain’t the Same

I came across some sites that were interesting, to say the least. Some even offered money back if you didn’t get to meet someone. How they were ever going to know whether you had met someone or not is beyond me. 

Others were focused on what they call “hook-ups.”  I soon learned that these were not focused on long-term relationships.  Interesting discussions, but they are probably broken in the "Filthy community."

I suppose that if you're thirty or forty, you can take rejection, bounce back and move on. At my age, I took every rejection personally.  They were like affirmations that I should not be where I was.

I am too old, I am not good-looking enough, I don’t have hair like a lion's mane.  It seemed as fast as I created a profile, I ripped it down in disappointment and moved on.

If I did get a response, it seemed like no one wanted to meet you. The days of meeting someone, sharing a coffee, or chatting on the phone are gone, it seems. Unless you go through hours of nonsensical small talk by texting.

I had only experienced dating services once before in my life, when I was in my thirties. It was well organized. You had a contact who built a profile. Then, they searched their database to find your perfect match. I often think they used a random name generator. The people I met didn’t seem to have much in common, at least from my experience. 

The point was that you did meet. Talking on the phone or meeting for coffee now feels like asking them to jump off a cliff. After many tries and texts, it's just that tough.

I really liked this one lady. I was really desperate. I even said she could bring her sister for protection if she'd meet me for coffee. She declined even that invitation.

Another lady said, "I’d love to have you over for coffee, but I sometimes take care of my grandparents' cat. I'm not sure if she likes visitors." It is your house and you're telling me you don't know when the cat is coming?

When I stopped texting her, she abused me of ghosting her and leading her on! (I now know what ghosting means!)

Halfway through my adventure, I chose to read the dating site’s terms and conditions. I’m not sure why, but I did.  To my great horror, the reason why no one ever wants to meet you was there in black and white:

“This site contains factual profiles designed to stimulate interaction between members.  There is no possibility of physically meeting."

All those texts I had been sending to an AI bot. They were so realistic. Asked good questions and most of the time gave good answers.

I finally proved to myself that these ladies I had fantasized about meeting were not real. I got up at 3am one morning and sent three ladies a simple text: "Missing you!"

Within each one responded: "I know, I wish you were here."

So each of them was sitting up in bed just waiting for my text, finger on the phone and ready to respond? I think not!

All the reasons I heard, like “I am really busy,” “I need to know you better,” or “I don’t feel comfortable,” were made by AI!

It was a harsh wake-up call for me. I was also somehow scammed three times, but I will write about it in another story. I have to work up the courage to confess just how stupid I was.

I am still going. I am determined more than ever now that I have started to find a more fulfilling life with a partner in it, or teach my dogs to laugh, one or the other!

So much has changed, and in the world of online dating, nothing is quite what it seems.

Till next time,

Calvin