A Dear Me Letter

Dear Me,

You couldn't ask people to write you letters without writing one yourself. That would just be plain rude.

The frustrating about writing to myself is that I have nothing good to say about you. You still get sick to your stomach when you see yourself in the mirror. You still only eat once a day most days and that's only because your family watches you like a hawk and you have to (not to mention the low blood sugar issue, that sucks too). You go about everything you do with half-baked enthusiasm because you know you'll fail anyway. Just like your business. Just like your book.

Everything you touch fucking burns to ash.

You are useless to your family except as a child incubator and caretaker. You come up with ideas to try and contribute to the family and all it is is more futile work. You have a degree in business management, and where did that get you? In debt. With no fucking hope of EVER paying it off so you'll probably go to jail for it.

Nice job dumbass, of "making something of yourself."

You're so pathetic you can't even keep your house clean. You are so easily overwhelmed by everything it's sad. You can't even leave the house without building up your confidence for a few hours. So it's funny that you thought you could be a business owner or helpful to society in any shape or form.

Why are you so fucking weak?

You seem to be gaining weight too, now that I'm thinking about it. Just because you have a man who is good to you is not a good reason to let yourself go. Your body is disgusting naturally and you need to work harder, or it'll be like your first husband all over again.

I guess one positive highlight about you is you're not as pathetically desperate for love and validation as you used to be. I'm a little proud that you finally managed to find some standards and realized you were better off alone than with narcissists or drug addicts or broken people who need to be healed - only so they can use and then abandon you. And now because of that, we're FINALLY surrounded by good, and loving people.

I would say that I believe you can get better, but your peak has come and gone, and you're still a nobody. Your mom doesn't even want you around - and she's sick and dying.

Funny, that you're the child she's proud of even though she doesn't want you around to take care of her. I guess it helps that your siblings are even bigger fuck ups and even more worthless than you are. And that's pretty impressive, considering I didn't think anyone could be more pathetic than you.

Remember all those plans of being someone?

The reason you can't decide what you want to do with your life is because you know you're not good at anything. You're just an average, mediocre nobody and that's all you'll ever be.

Though, I have to thank you for being so stubborn. Giving up is not in your nature, even when it may be for the best. You have such a hard time letting things go - so watching you run and smash yourself against your cage time and time again never gets old.

I'm surprised you let me write this. You normally try to attempt to try and drown me out with positive garbage - but you know I will always be inside you, telling you the truth about yourself. Reminding you of exactly who and what you are.

The truth no one ever says out loud. But you know they think it. You know that everyone knows you're a loser. You know you're a loser best of all.

So have a great day - little wannabe.

Sincerely,

Your True Self.

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