7 Years of Bad Luck

The day I met him I broke a mirror. I should have known it wasn't going to end well. After seven years I finally waked away. I finally took him off the pedestal and his fall from grace looks great from this point of view. I gave him all the best of me. I wasn't surprised how we ended but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt. The love wa there but that didn't really change anything. It didn't save anyone. There were just too many forces against us but it still didn't matter that the love was there. When he told me that being in love felt like a job, not something he really wanted, just something you have to do, a part of me broke.

I think I could have loved him better than anyone. We were together for 7 years. It took a long time for me to even admit that the relationship was just not working anymore. At the end both of us were just miserable and mean. We were just too far gone. Nothing we did could have prevented this. By the last year, he would try to start a fight and I would just leave. It certianly wasn't healthy.

I know it sounds insane but I sometimes think that the only reason we were like that was because of the mirror breaking. It wasn't all bad though. I sometimes this the old days before everything went insane. I used to blame him only. Now I know that we were both at fault. For a long time the good outweighed the bad. I think a part of me is still trying to figure out how we got here.

We were both very different people. I wouldn't be able to sleep and he would be sleeping like a baby. I would beg him but he still wouldn't understand me. I didn't know how to communitcate my own issues and he just wanted to fight. I gave him my all and it felt like he gave me nothing in return. At the end I didn't even recognize him. I know that we both made mistakes but his always seemed a hundred times worse. I considered the mirror breaking a curse and I was convinced that I was doomed to be misreable for the next seven years. It wasn't all the bad, When he smiled it felt like we were on our own little planet. It made the better. Looking back I do not regret a thing.

I could tell them that he was always late. I could tell them that he looked at me right in the eyes has he told lies but I won't. Does that mean that I'm that weak? I do not think I have ever met anyone as cold as he was. It's like his heart was made of ice, never melting even in the warmest moments. I just couldn't keep pouring from an empty cup anymore. 15 year old me and 22 year old me just didn't want the same things. I thought that ignoring my pain was going to keep him happy and make him stay. It wasn't all bad there were days were I thought maybe this could work. I had to lose everything to finally make myself believe that I could actually leave. I gave him every single thing I had and I didn't look back. Leaving was harder. I knew I had to leave but I was scared. I didn't know why I was so scared. Maybe the mirror breaking wasn't a curse but it taught me so many important life lessons.