tonight is splitting its seams

Razer rewinds the tape, and rewinds it again. There is no audio to it, but what happened is clear enough. He hardly remembers what happened but after viewing the security recordings, the memory becomes clearer in his mind, though it still feels like watching it through a veil. And after…

“I should have known you were not yourself.”

“Why?”

“You…expressed interest in spending time with me.”

It takes a while for him to stop feeling angry, but that’s only because he starts to recognise his anger as embarrassment, shame…and guilt. He had no right to manipulate Aya that way (she stuttered, for grotz sake). The fact that Aya could even be manipulated in that way does raise some interesting questions, but he’s not sure if they are questions he wants the answers to (he’s not even sure what the questions are). He’s been avoiding her ever since he found out what he did. Not on purpose, but more like in a self-preservation way, like the automatic way you wouldn’t breathe underwater.

He sighs and gets up from his bed. It’s getting late, hopefully the two Green Lanterns are in their quarters so he doesn't have to deal with them breathing down his neck. He steps out of his room - and nearly bowls Aya over. Not expecting her to be right there, his upper body pitches forward while his palm smacks against the wall of the ship in order to avoid crashing into her. He towers over her, and in the one second it takes for him to regain his balance and put an appropriate distance between them, he is reminded of the way he was standing when he was talking to her under Neuroxis’ influence, how she looked up at him guilelessly and his fingers trailed down her cheek… His face burns.

“Razer.” She intones, in that mildly surprised way of hers. Her blue eyes glow in the dark of the corridor. Jordan and Kilowog must already be asleep.

He stands there silently, mouth hanging slightly open like an idiot. He must have not said anything for a while, because she says bluntly, “have you finished with your visual examination?” She continues, her brow furrowing. “Your vitals are slightly elevated. Do you need assistance?”

“Aya. I - I have to apologise. To you.” The rest comes rushing out, the product of evading her - and this inevitable conversation - for almost a week. “I’m sorry for how I acted when Neuroxis had infected me. For how I treated you. I should have been more aware of what was happening, I should have tried to fight it. I should not have put you in such a difficult position and - ”

“It is alright, Razer.” She smiles, most likely to reassure him, but it does the opposite. The smile doesn't quite reach her eyes, and even though Aya is technically a machine, he has seen her real smile, and this is not it.

“I’m not finished. I - you are mistaken about me. I do want to spend time with you.”

Her eyes widen. He suddenly becomes acutely aware of his hands, how they hang limp at his sides. There is nothing left to say. Ever since she said that, he had not been able to shake the nagging feeling that the statement was incorrect. And now he has finally set the record straight. As Hal Jordan would say, the ball is now in her court.

She still hasn't said anything. Renewed heat creeps up his neck as he backs away, desperate to escape the awkward atmosphere. “Well…I will be in my room.” The door is halfway open when Aya stops him. “Wait.” He turns back to her, hesitantly meeting her steady gaze.

“I would like to spend time with you too.” She smiles, and this time, he knows it’s real.