Storms That Know My Name

It was a dark, moonless November night. The apartment was empty except for the two of them. Arym was hurting inside, though nothing in the way he carried himself ever revealed it. That notion, however, never applied to Kira. She could see through him. To her, his face was like a glass window in a summer house facing the sea. When the waters were calm, reflecting sunlight, she could stare out endlessly and feel his warmth. But when the waters stormed, the window offered no shield. No lattice of glass could hide the violence beneath.

Now, as she was watching him, she saw a storm rising. She wondered how many times the weather at that seaside would change tonight, because just moments ago she had been lying peacefully on its shores. Would the storm worsen? Would the sea grow serene again, letting sunlight glimmer on its surface? Or would something deeper shift — its very core trembling, sending a tsunami that would shatter the glass and herself along with it, trapped inside the summer house as it unfolded? That was the beauty of the sea, and of him. She could never predict it. At times she tried to anticipate the tide, but whatever she imagined, the opposite always came to pass. What she hoped to learn was to navigate the waves, hoping that one day she might become the steadiest surfer on his shifting tides. That one day, the sea would grow accustomed to her presence, and she would finally be able to predict when the waves were coming.

That was the vision for the future, though. In the present, all Kira could do was observe the sea. But whenever she dipped even a toe into it, whenever she made the smallest advance, Arym began to storm. She believed she could go further, but she also feared she might not survive the waves. Sometimes she wanted to throw herself into him completely, let go of her pride and fear. But he would only embrace her for a brief, blissful moment before pushing her out violently, placing her so far away that not even the window was in sight.

“I don’t want to feel love. It stops humans from progressing, from unlocking their full potential, from finding the meaning of life. Love is not the meaning of life — I know that for sure,” Arym said.

“I completely do not agree with you,” Kira answered.

“You don’t?”

“No. I think we’re put on this earth to seek meaning, yet we’re doomed to face a universe that will never answer. The only thing left for us to do is — "

“Why not commit suicide then?”

“That’s an escape plan for some people — those who can’t face uncertainty. I prefer to love.”

“Yes, I love everyone, every breathing person,” he said sarcastically. “Anyway, why are we talking like we’ve lived multiple lives? We can’t know all the answers… Oh, look. It’s 11:11 p.m., and it’s a moonless night. Couldn’t have said all this at a better time.”

She heard the storm at that moment, but she was too scared to look out the window. She knew these were her last moments in the summer house, at least for the upcoming week.