Overcoming Rejection!

Rejection Chapter 1: When Rejection Forms

Hi. My name is Josiah Huffman and I suffer from the effects of rejection.

Words I never thought I would say.

At 41 years old, as of the writing of this book, I never realized this was me. A product of rejection. A human that has succumbed to rejection.

It was on an early morning wakeup from God, April 18th, 2023, that I realized something I had never realized before: all my life, I had experienced rejection and now I was bearing fruit of rejection. It was rotten. It was smelly. And it was undealt with. Scabbed over wounds that had been there from my youth. Roots that were deeper than I ever would or could have imagined.

If I am to become the man that God wants me to be, doesn’t this need to be addressed? Doesn’t God need to do a mighty work in the nethermost regions of my soul? Doesn’t my heart need to be transformed more into the likeness of Jesus?

Rejection never feels good. The fruit of rejection shows. But first, we are going to look at different forms of rejection and that will lead us to the roots that they create.

What is the fruit of rejection? How does it manifest in our lives? Scientists have now proven that rejection is directly linked to anger and aggression.

A 2001 report issued by the United States Surgeon General concluded that “rejection was a greater risk for adolescent violence than drugs, poverty, or gang membership.”

There are many ways we can experience rejection.

• Rejected by friends.

• Rejected by a grandparent.

• Rejected by a girl.

• Rejected sports.

• Rejected for a promotion.

• Rejected in a relationship.

• Rejected by parents.

• Rejected ideas.

• Rejected at church.

• Rejected by college.

Once we experience rejection, immediately the roots start to grow into the groundwork and foundation of our lives. We respond to any similar experience based on our past rejections. We refer to them for security and for a starting point in any future endeavor…. if we don’t deal with it.

In the following chapters, we will look at my own personal experiences with rejection, how I recognized it, how I dealt with the roots and changed my fruits.

As a person, as human beings, we can start to look at all the rejections in our lives and take every “no” as a rejection.

Every time a friend says nah, “I don’t feel like going out”, we can go to a place in our subconscious where we say they aren’t my friend, no one loves me, no one cares.

It can create feelings of despair and a sense of dark isolation. No one loves me. No one accepts me or my ideas. That can lead to suicidal thoughts and feelings.

God recently pulled me to a place to recognize what rejection is and what it means to me. How it’s been a strong hold on my WHOLE grown-up life.

Hardpoint

Two of the strongest things Satan will tempt you with are your past sins, and rejections.

Satan will remind you where you messed up but also where you were wronged or assumed you were wronged, and this leads to a sense of insecurity and defeat.

In my personal walk, God has been showing this to me more than I ever knew.

As with a lot of us, rejection starts at an early age, and we do not even realize it.

It can come from not being a parent’s favorite. It can come from a grandparent doting on a sibling more than you. It can come from the fact that a sibling or parent has a disability, and we can see ourselves as being put down and rejected simply because we don’t need the care or attention of our family members.

The most amazing thing is we feel horrible about feeling this way realizing that we may not even have a reason to experience these emotions or reactions and we beat ourselves up even more.

We also, like myself, don’t realize that we are being rejected. Someone else is being held in higher esteem. Someone else is getting what you should be getting: an equal chance. A fair shot. A right to be who you are made to be. Who God made you to be.

As we develop as young people, our parents see us go from being 100% dependent on them to slowly realizing we don’t need them for everything. For a lot of us that starts in preschool or even daycare. When you start to have to figure things out on your own, it creates an independence that you can’t teach but must be learned. I don’t need mom to help me in the bathroom. I can get dressed on my own. I still remember checking my kids’ teeth to make sure they brushed them. I don’t have to do that now and their annual visits to the dentist show they can do it just fine on their own. As parents, we can embrace this and realize that they don’t need us for the little things, but they do need us for advice, support, direction and most importantly, a relationship with us that they can’t ever have with any other adult.

When we start being independent, parents still have a duty to raise us in godly ways. To lay the groundwork for us to become strong, courageous, yet humble servants of Jesus who can do anything we want to do.

For some though, not needing us can make us reject our own kids.

They want to be with their friends, so they don’t need me: rejected.

They asked a teacher for advice and not me: rejected.

They don’t like anything I do: rejected.

We have no similar interests: rejected.

When we realize that we are feeling this way, we can do one of two things: we can accept this and put up a wall or we can realize this and take steps to change the situation.

But the biggest reason we would see these situations as rejection: because we have the root of rejection buried deep within us!

When we start being independent, parents still have a duty to raise us in godly ways. To lay the groundwork for us to become strong, courageous, yet humble servants of Jesus who can do anything we want to do.

If we sinned against God, we repent, ask for forgiveness, and thank God for His mercy and grace.

If we sinned against our parents, we expected punishment. As a parent, I realize I must also forgive my daughter or son when they sin. We know their error, even on purpose at times, and we must show love and grace and mercy each time.

As parents, we reward good behavior but punish bad behavior and this is where a legalistic and acceptance versus rejection lifestyle can be built.

Passive rejection vs. aggressive rejection

As I mentioned earlier, we can be rejected by family and friends and not even realize it. I will call this passive rejection. We weren’t looking for acceptance so therefore we don’t respond to it the way we would aggressive rejection as a youth. As an adult, we can recognize passive rejection and realize we need to move on, that there are options outside of that circumstance, there are other jobs, etc.

We can look back now and see the passive rejection and realize that people made choices based on the way they were treated or raised and never realized it. In these cases, we must always forgive them.

Remember, the most influential person in your life is the one you refuse to forgive.

For myself, dealing with aggressive rejection is what shaped me as a person more than I ever realized.