Love Letters to No One: 2/25/18

February 25th, 2018

Dear No One,

Today was so hard, and so beautiful at the same time. I spent 4 hours at the music store playing drums. 4 hours. It was the most beautiful day ever though. I wish I could tell you all this. I wish I could tell you and that you would understand. I’m really afraid that you don’t feel the way I do. That it’s a miscommunication. But I have it set in my mind (I think), that no matter what happens, I am going to show you all these things I’ve written to you. Maybe you don’t love me, but maybe seeing this will make you feel good. To know that you touched my heart so wonderfully.

You have to be the best thing that’s ever happened in my life in a long time. I feel so strongly for you that every time I see you, it’s hard for me to even put those feelings aside. You saw it today; you saw the way I was looking at you. You wanted to know what was wrong; you wanted to know why I was looking at you like that. Well, here is your answer...

I think I’m falling for you.

I think I’m falling in love with you.

I know it sounds crazy, especially being in the situation I am currently, but I want you to know this; no one, NO ONE, NO ONE, has ever EVER made me feel the way that you do. No one is like you. Every time I see you, I never want to leave your side. I always want to be around you, because you make me feel happy to be alive. You make me feel special. You are the first and last thing I think about every single day.

Honestly, I have thought to myself how crazy that sounds. I was at church today with my mom, and the priest was giving a homily about change, and I wasn’t really paying a lot of attention to him because I was thinking about you. But then I think back to what he was saying, about change, how change is good.

A year ago today, I made a positive change in my life; I started my journey with drumming, I put myself out there musically, I have begun to feel less nervous about singing and playing in front of people (although I still have a lot of work to do there). I met you.

Ever since the day I met you, I have felt this strong connection to you, and I know you feel it too, because you have told me about it. I know that right now the time isn’t right, and I just want you to know, I could wait as long as it takes. I could wait forever if it meant I could be with you. Because you are the only person I want to be with.

I know it’s wrong of me to be so hopelessly falling for you and acting the way I do right in front of you, but honestly, I can’t stop it. My heart won’t let me stop. My heart knows what it wants; it wants you. I want all of you. I want to go out with you. I want to spend every minute I can with you, because you are so important to me, because you make me feel like no one in my life ever has, and I love everything about you. I love your smile, I love your eyes, I love the way you smell. I love hugging you and feeling you close to me. I love your personality and how funny and goofy we can be with each other. I also love how I feel like I can talk to you about anything, except for this obviously right now. I even love the things you do that annoy me (but you don’t annoy me at all really). I even love when you push me hard to be the best I can be, even if you’re bossy about it and you tell me I’m acting like a five year old sometimes…haha. I love how you never give up on me. I love everything, just everything about you.

I have thought so much about how on Earth there could be someone like you, someone so beautiful, and kind, and amazing. How can there be someone like you, you are everything I have ever dreamed of. You are just, amazingly you. I just love you for you.

You came into my life at a time when all of this stuff was going on, and then suddenly, it just hit me like lightning almost! How much I care about you, how all these feelings I have I can’t hide. The people that get to be around you all day are lucky to have someone like you, and if you are happy, then so am I.I guess I just wanted to tell you everything that’s been on my mind, because you are everything to me. This is going to hurt like hell if you don’t feel the same way, but I’m strong, I can take it. Just say or text me this: “Little Anne, you’re so silly.” I’ll get it. I’ll back off. I want to promise you that. That I will never be super clingy and annoy you, especially after all this and you tell me that you don’t feel the same way. I respect you, and I respect your wishes. But, if somehow, this turns out the other way, I want you to call me. It doesn’t have to be now, it doesn’t have to be tomorrow, it doesn’t even have to be this week. But if you do, and you want to give this a shot, call me, when you are ready, and I’ll be waiting.

Love,

Someone