Love After Liberation: A Journey of Trust,Wholeness & Second Chances

There was a time I thought love meant sacrifice without measure.

That to be chosen, I had to shrink.

That he had done me a big favo to marry me where others had not fulfilled their promises.

That to keep peace, I had to surrender every dream, every voice, every spark inside of me.

I silenced laughter when it was too loud, dimmed passions when they were too bright, and swallowed words when truth trembled on my tongue. I thought this was strength, but it was survival. And survival is not love.

But healing taught me this truth:

Love is not self-erasure.

Real love will not demand that you disappear in order to stay.

“Don’t shrink so someone else can feel comfortable. You were not born to be small.” Unknown

And Scripture reminds us:

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14, NIV)

If God took such care to make me unique, why would love require me to undo His work?

If He wove me together with such intention, why should I tear apart His masterpiece just to fit inside someone else’s insecurities?

A Story of Shrinking

I remember one evening, standing at the mirror before a gathering. The dress I chose was vibrant, full of color and joy - a reflection of the light I carried within. But he looked at me with a frown and said, “It’s too much. Tone it down.” And so I changed, slipping into something muted, not because I wanted to, but because I thought keeping peace meant losing pieces of myself.

Now I see the truth: peace at the price of erasure is not peace. It is quiet bondage.

I will not abandon my calling for romance.

I will not mute my purpose for the sake of peace.

I will not lay down the gifts God entrusted to me just to carry the weight of someone else’s insecurity.

True love does not compete with your purpose.

It complements it.

It stands beside you, not above you.

It cheers when you rise and does not tremble at your light.

“The right love won’t dim my fire - it will dance in its glow.” Yvey Essen

What True Love Looks Like

Love should sound like partnership, not possession.

It should feel like freedom, not chains.

It should bring out more of who God created you to be, not less.

Anything that silences your God-given voice is not love - it is fear in disguise. Anything that demands you erase yourself is not devotion - it is domination.

But when love is rooted in God’s design, it becomes holy ground:

• A space where you can grow, not shrink.

• A shelter where your dreams are nurtured, not mocked.

• A union where your individuality is celebrated, not erased.

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17, NIV)

Reflect With Me

1. Pause here. Take a deep breath.
2. Have you ever lost yourself trying to keep someone else? Write down one moment when you felt you had to shrink to be loved.
3. What part of you will you never again abandon in the name of love? List them boldly — your voice, your dreams, your laughter, your faith.
4. How can you remind yourself daily that you are fearfully and wonderfully made? Perhaps it’s a scripture on your mirror, or an affirmation whispered each morning: “I am God’s masterpiece, not man’s mistake.”

What part of yourself will you never abandon for love again?

For years, I believed that late love was less than. That if it came after loss, it must come diminished. But the truth is far richer: second chances can be the sweetest gifts of all. That’s where we go next.