Love After Liberation: A Journey of Trust, Wholeness & Second Chances

I used to mistake silence for peace.

I thought his distance meant depth.

I called control “care” and manipulation “misunderstood love.”

But let me be clear: what confused me then no longer confuses me now.

Love, when it is real, does not leave you gasping for air. It does not silence your voice. It does not demand you erase yourself to make room for someone else’s shadows.

God’s love calls you higher - into freedom, into purpose, into fullness.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

The signs were always there:

• Anger that erupted like fire, leaving me scorched with words I could not forget.
• Using my honesty about my past as a weapon in arguments.
• Religion twisted into blackmail—submission verses quoted not to honor Christ, but to control me.
• Silent treatments that lasted for days, served like punishment, even when I was sick and needed care.
• Emotional torture hidden in apologies that never matched the actions.
• Going through my phone, answering calls and texts meant for me, erasing my right to privacy.
• Demanding intimacy as if love could be bought with gifts or bartered for favors.
• An older spouse trying to control the younger—insecurity disguised as authority.
• Past failures in love worn like scars but always retold as rejection, never responsibility.
• Eight failed marriages and relationships, not lessons learned, but evidence carried like a curse and projected onto me.
• Insecurities so sharp they cut into every new connection, making trust impossible.

I once called these things “complicated love.”

Now I call them what they are: red flags.

I used to believe their age made them wiser.

But wisdom is not counted in years - it is revealed in fruit.

Eight failed marriages and relationships are not a prophecy over my own life. Their rejection is not my burden to heal. Their insecurities are not my prison.

Scripture reminds me:

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33, NIV)

“You will know them by their fruits.” (Matthew 7:16, NKJV)

“Test everything; hold fast what is good.” (1 Thessalonians 5:21, ESV)

“For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.” (1 Corinthians 14:33, KJV)

“Their past is not my prophecy. Their insecurities are not my prison.” Yvey Essen

So here is my growth:

• Silence that feels like punishment? That is not peace.
• Scripture used as a weapon? That is not God’s love.
• Control disguised as care? That is not protection.
• Demands dressed up as affection? That is not intimacy.
• Age without accountability? That is not wisdom.

Undisputed Facts About True Love:

True love does not confuse.

True love does not humiliate.

True love does not require you to shrink, erase, or submit to abuse.

Love, as God designed it, protects, uplifts, and honors. Anything less is not love at all.

When a relationship demands you erase your voice, abandon your dreams, or endure abuse in the name of loyalty, that is not love - it is bondage. Love, in its truest form, does not bind you to fear, but releases you into wholeness.

“Love is patient, love is kind… it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5, NIV)

Reflect With Me

1. Have you ever excused mistreatment in the name of “love” or “faith”?
2. Which red flags will you never again negotiate with?
3. How can you anchor your future choices in God’s definition of love, not man’s distortion of it?

What red flags are you no longer negotiating with?

Seeing the signs is one thing; choosing to remain yourself in love is another.

Next, I’ll share why love will never again mean losing who I am.