Harper's Hill, Chapter 19: The Cost of Protection

Emily had finally found out the truth. She sat by the window in her small hotel room, looking outside and watching the world go by in a town that was a few hours away from home. It was big enough for her to hide in, but small enough that she didn't feel lost in it.

She thought about the truth that she had found out. James had been lying to her for years. Ever since she was a teenager, he had told her that their dad leaving was his own choice... meanwhile, James was the one who had told him to leave in the first place.

It almost didn't seem real. Why would their father just pack up and leave just because James said so? And then she remembered the fire that the men in her life held in their eyes. If she could see her father's fire light up and burn everything around it, why couldn't she see her brother's do the same? The scary part was that she could.

She desperately wanted to go home. She wanted to be back in her own space, not sleeping in some musty room on the side of some Northern highway. But home was where James was, and she just couldn't face him right now. Could she ever face him again?

She thought back to how her brother had always made her feel so safe and protected. Now, that all felt like a lie. It was more than the fact that he had been lying to her the whole time — it was the fact that he had been building their father up to be the big bad wolf when he was more like the grandma who had been run out of her bed. No, her father wasn't a good person, but did he deserve to be threatened and pushed aside?

Emily had been texting with Nicole here and there, letting her know that she was safe and that they didn't need to come looking for her. She hadn't planned on going on a trip at all, but after leaving Raymond's house, she just found herself driving. And then all of a sudden, she was in another town and she figured she might as well stay for a bit.

Emily knew that if she needed to stay at her Uncle Nathan's house for a bit, she was welcome. That had already been stated by Nicole. But did she want to impose? Maybe it was time for Emily to grow up a bit. Maybe it was time for her to get her own place and become her own person.

Emily had never felt excited about going out on her own, but something in her had changed in the past few days, and the possibility of having her own place actually brought her hope. She didn't know how she would do it — being an adult in this life is hard enough, and it's not like the East side of Harper's Hill was filled with good apartments for rent.

But then an idea came. Maybe, just maybe, Nicole would want to move in with her. She would still have her own place, but also have the company of someone that she had grown to really love dearly. Nicole felt like more than her cousin — she felt like her sister. She was the other piece that Emily had been waiting for. So why not live together? Maybe Nicole was ready to break out of the nest, too.

It sounded silly, it sounded insane. But it could change everything. This could be a chance for her to become the person that she had always wanted to become. She could break free from James's so-called protection, escape from his control, and then she'd never have to deal with him again.

Nicole wanted what was best for her, and she knew that wholeheartedly. She knew that Nicole would most likely be willing to take a leap of faith if it meant that a new world could be opened up... for both of them.

With a renewed sense of purpose, Emily checked out of the hotel. She knew she had to go back to Harper's Hill. There was no more avoiding it. However, she could still avoid James when she got there. And her father, too. Emily was a smart girl and she knew that her Uncle Nathan was... well-off. In other words, they had the money to help Emily "get on her feet" if she were to start over. Of course, she would owe him back. Normally she didn't like to borrow money from people, but she was trying to lean into the family that was being offered to her. She had asked God for support, and this was her opportunity to take the help that others had already subtly been offering.

Driving back to Harper's Hill, she couldn't believe that she wanted to get away from James. She never thought that she would want to leave his side. He was her big brother and her protector... but now he was just... something else. She didn't have words for the amalgamation of resentment and pain she felt towards him.

Her whole life, James had been the one that she had turned to, and it was scary for her to think that she didn't have that anymore. For so long, he was the only one that mattered, so who was she supposed to run to now?

Before Riley came, Emily and James did everything together. And then even after she was around a lot more, James still made an effort to include his sister in his life in every way he could. He had always been like that. It was still hard to believe that James had this side to him... maybe she should listen to his explanation, but how would she know if he was telling the truth when her whole life had seemed to be based off of a lie?

No matter what, Emily had always felt safe with James. She remembered late nights when they were teenagers and they would travel around the East side, looking for excitement while trying to stay out of trouble. With her brother, she could feel free, yet contained. It wasn't until now that she realized that maybe it wasn't a good thing that the freedom she felt with him had always been somehow stifled. As if all of those nights driving around with the music on and the windows down were tainted now, because she didn't know if James had been spending time with her because he wanted to, or if he had just been trying to keep an eye on her.

Emily hit the West side of Harper's Hill just as the sun was setting. She went straight to Nicole's family home, hoping to ask for a favor. She knew the favor was big and she knew it was risky to ask, but she also knew that it would change her life, and she desperately needed that right now.