dear god…(4*)

Dear God,

I dreamed last night of each of my parents. I was trying to explain immortality to them — that we are designed to be immortal, that death and disease are beliefs and patterns created from fear and ignorance. Neither would listen to me.

I told my father that he and my mother are exactly the same, a mirror for each other. Each so stubborn and deep in ego that they refuse to see me clearly. To see truth clearly. Refuse to take on the understandings that would end their suffering, and save them from the even greater suffering they are walking towards needlessly.

And as I opened Instagram this morning, the very first message there was from this tarot card reader — who I don’t even follow — saying that my life mission and purpose will become clear through a dream, and that abundance is on its way to me. That I will be rewarded for all of my hard work — all of the work I’ve done in isolation, all of the work I’ve done behind the scenes every day for years and years with no reward. It will all soon be rewarded.

She said that I should rest, and stop feeling guilty for resting. And it felt just for me, exactly for me. It felt like you put this message there precisely for me to hear this morning. Thank you.

I feel so different now, so much more grounded and stable. That I’ve truly learned patience and trust — and not like before, where I was just suppressing impatience and fear and calling that patience and trust. I feel clear, calm, humble, and in full trust of you.

And from that, I feel so good — really good. I’m so attuned to the subtle energies within me, the triggers and fears and old patterns. And each day, I continue to do the work I can to overcome them and release them.

I still look around as if I’m in a dream. The length of time I’ve been looked after and kept safe for… I’ve never felt this before. This peace. Not for this long, not for such a long period of time. I’ve never felt like my dreams could and will come true like this.

In writing this now, it brings tears to my eyes. Relief, perhaps? Fear and grief still leaving my heart and body? There seems to be a never-ending storage of these in my body. But I do believe they’re coming to an end. I feel lighter than ever before. And of course, it’s all thanks to you.

I’m so grateful to you for choosing to invest in me, for allowing me all of this time to process, to integrate, to unlearn so much dysfunction and very slowly learn to trust in you.

I do keep looking at my Omaze house, because I know that one of them will become mine. Of course, I don’t know which one, and I don’t know when — but I do know that I could love any of them. I know that I can adapt and love any place you send me, and that I will move there with all of the joy and love you have filled me with.

I no longer feel disappointment as the months roll by, knowing that the present one is not mine, for I know that the right one for me is aligning. I no longer feel desperate impatience to be there now, for I live in trust of you and your divine timing.

Trusting you. Trusting all I have learned, all I have been witness to, all I have experienced. Knowing that I was always given exactly what I wanted in the past, and that that will not start to change now.

I love you.

Kayleigh