Chapter 20: Unsettled Waters

The next morning, Elara woke up with a strange feeling in her chest—an odd mix of relief and unease. Blocking Kieran had given her a momentary sense of control over her life, a decision that felt empowering in the moment. But now, as she lay in bed staring at the ceiling, she couldn’t help but feel unsettled.

Maybe it was because she had spent so much time and energy focusing on Kieran that cutting him out of her life completely felt surreal. Or maybe it was something deeper, something about her relationship with A that she hadn’t fully admitted to herself yet.

She sighed, throwing off the covers and heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day. As she brushed her teeth, her mind wandered back to A. He had been nothing but supportive since the moment she told him about Kieran’s messages, and yet… there was a distance growing between them. She could feel it. The once easy flow of their conversations now felt strained, like there was something unsaid hanging in the air between them.

Elara wasn’t sure if it was her own doubts about their relationship that were causing the rift, or if A had started to pull away after hearing about Kieran. Either way, things were different now, and it worried her.

By the time she got to the office, the unease had settled into a dull ache at the back of her mind. She tried to focus on work, but her thoughts kept drifting back to A, to the distance that seemed to be growing between them with each passing day.

Around noon, A called her, asking if she wanted to grab lunch. Elara hesitated for a moment before agreeing. She knew they needed to talk, but part of her dreaded the conversation. What if A sensed her doubts? What if he realized she wasn’t as certain about their relationship as she pretended to be?

When they met at a small café near her office, A greeted her with his usual warm smile, but Elara couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. As they sat down and ordered their food, the silence between them felt heavier than usual.

“So,” A began, his voice casual but his eyes searching hers, “how’s work been? You’ve seemed a little distracted lately.”

Elara forced a smile, stirring her coffee absentmindedly. “Yeah, work’s been… a lot. Just trying to keep up with everything.”

A nodded, but there was a flicker of concern in his eyes. “Is everything okay? You’ve been a little distant the past few days. I just want to make sure we’re good.”

Elara bit her lip, her heart racing as she searched for the right words. She couldn’t lie to him—not after everything they’d been through. But how could she explain the doubts swirling in her mind without hurting him?

“I’ve just been dealing with a lot,” Elara said carefully, avoiding his gaze. “I’m still processing everything with Kieran, and I guess it’s brought up some old feelings that I didn’t expect.”

A’s expression softened, but there was a hint of tension in his jaw. “You don’t still have feelings for him, do you?”

Elara shook her head quickly. “No, it’s not like that. I don’t love him anymore. But… being around him again made me realize that there are some things I never really dealt with. Our breakup was messy, and I guess I never fully moved on from that.”

A was silent for a moment, his eyes searching hers. “I get it,” he said finally. “Breakups are hard. And seeing him again probably stirred up a lot of emotions. But I need to know that you’re here with me now, that you’re not holding on to the past.”

Elara looked down at her hands, her chest tightening with guilt. She wanted to reassure him, to tell him that she was fully committed to their relationship. But the truth was, she wasn’t sure. There were still so many unanswered questions in her heart, doubts that gnawed at her, even when she was with A.

“I’m trying,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “I’m trying to let go of the past, but it’s harder than I thought. Kieran was such a big part of my life for so long, and now… I don’t know. I just feel a little lost.”

A reached across the table, taking her hand in his. His touch was warm, steady, grounding her in the moment. “I’m not asking you to forget your past,” he said softly. “I just want to make sure you’re not letting it get in the way of our future.”

Elara nodded, her heart aching at the sincerity in his voice. She wanted to be the person he deserved, someone who could fully commit to their relationship without being weighed down by old baggage. But the doubts still lingered, like shadows that refused to be chased away.

As they finished their lunch, A seemed to sense that Elara wasn’t ready to have a deeper conversation about her feelings. He didn’t push her, and for that, she was grateful. But as they walked back to her office, the distance between them felt more palpable than ever.

That evening, Elara tried to distract herself by catching up on work, but her mind kept drifting back to the conversation with A. She hated feeling so uncertain about their relationship, especially when A had been nothing but patient and supportive. But she couldn’t ignore the growing sense of unease in her chest.

Later that night, as she lay in bed, her phone buzzed with a message from Isla.

Isla: How’s everything going? Did you block Kieran?

Elara smiled at the reminder of Isla’s bluntness. She quickly typed a response.

Elara: Yeah, I blocked him. It was hard, but it felt like the right thing to do.

A few seconds later, Isla replied.

Isla: Good for you! Now you just need to focus on A. He’s a keeper, and you don’t want to mess that up because of some unresolved stuff with your ex.

Elara sighed, staring at the message. Isla was right, of course. A was everything she had ever wanted in a partner—kind, understanding, and dependable. But the doubts still lingered.

Elara: I know. I’m trying. It’s just been harder than I thought.

Isla’s next message came quickly.

Isla: Relationships are hard, but you can’t let your past control your future. If A makes you happy, then focus on that. Don’t let Kieran ruin what you have.

Elara knew Isla was right. She needed to let go of the past and focus on her relationship with A. But the doubts in her heart refused to be silenced. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing, that maybe A wasn’t the one for her after all.

That night, as she drifted off to sleep, Elara’s mind was a storm of conflicting emotions. She had blocked Kieran, but the damage had already been done. The cracks in her relationship with A were starting to show, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could pretend that everything was fine.

To be continued...