Across the Desert

Chapter 1: The Decision

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A magnificent orange sun went down the small town of San Mateo and the light shadow took the place of the sun at the dusty streets. Children played with barefoot on the dirt, their shrill laughter resonating off the adobe walls of the simple houses. Women held in small groups and were talking with each other while preparing the evening meal, while on the other hand, men had just returned from the fields, their faces beaten by the sun and by the years of hard work. Life in San Mateo was not easy and the villagers had no other options. For many, the idea of leaving was out of the question. But for Juan and Maria Alvarez, hanging back had become something unbearable

Juan was sitting on the ragged wooden bench in front of their simple little house, His hands were rough and stained with years of work. He looked at his wife, Maria, who was trying to feed their baby, the five-year-old Diego. Not far away, their eight-year-old daughter Sofia was playing with a doll that was almost torn, her innocent laughter occurring at the same time as the heavy thoughts that were going through Juan´s mind.

“Juan, ”Maria said softly, instinctively feeling that he was drifting away. “Is everything all right with you?”

Juan raised his head and looked into her worried eyes. Maria always could read him like a book. She was aware that he had been preoccupied by something of great concern for the last weeks, something he needed to speak out. He took a deep breath and acknowledged the weight of the decision both of them must make.

“We can’t go on like this, Maria,” he finally said his voice at a whisper but firm at the same time.

Maria’s hands were frozen for a while mid-motion, her heart was skipping and pounding at his words. This conversation was the one she dreaded the most, as she knew it was just a matter of time before Juan would come up with it. A sense of relief had manifested when she had heard a hurried and concerned message. Such a relief came from the fact that she had finally exchanged the topic of her last fits, which had been dominating their talks for quite some time. Referring to life in San Mateo, it had always been tough; yet in the last few years it had become unbearable.

Juan was unable to cultivate the small plot of land any longer. The rainfall was unpredictable, and the soil was increasingly dead. The amount of food they could harvest was hardly enough to feed their family, let alone sell it in the market. The terror rose above all else due to the many gangs in the area. The men roamed the village, making demands for money and threats of violence if they did not get what they wanted. Juan was frantic to protect his family from harm, but the fear of what could happen was stronger than the time-varying fear of staying awake.

Maria knew all that. She went through every bit of it with him every day and every night. However, leaving was just terrifying.

“Where do we go?” she asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

Juan halted for a minute to look at Sofia and Diego to ensure they weren’t listening. Lowering his voice, he leaned a bit closer to Maria, “North, to the United States.”

Maria was taken aback by the word United States, the land of prosperity, where the stories were told for people being able to find good jobs and make enough money that they sent back home and finally build good lives for their families. But, there were other stories they heard as well, ones of the journey throughout treacherous roads, the crossing of the border being a threat, and finally, the uncertainty that awaited them even after they crossed.

“Juan, it’s so dangerous,” Maria said, whispering and fear gradually taking the place of her voice. “What if something goes wrong with us, with our children?”

“Yes, it is dangerous,” Juan replied, maintaining steadiness in his voice but firmness in his eyes. “But what alternative do we have? Sit here watching our kids suffer? Be there for the gangs to come and take the remaining little? Maria, I can’t keep you safe here anymore. I can’t provide for you. But if we go… If we cross… then maybe we could have a chance, a real chance at a better life.”

Maria was in his eyes, noticing there was desperation. He was a proud man, a good man, who had always done everything he could for his family. However, she could see him kind of crushed by the situation that he had to go through. He got to a turn where staying was more worrisome than leaving.

She took a quick look at Sofia, who was then, getting Diego to play with her. The children were blissfully ignorant of the seriousness of their parents’ talk, and their world was still full of innocence and trust. Maria was sad at the thought of putting them in peril, of forcing them to experience the terrors of the trip up north. However, she also thought of what kind of a future they would have if they remained—hunger would always accompany them, threats would always loom, and there would be no actual chances.

“What if we don’t make it?” she asked, tremblingly.

Juan took out his hand and grabbed hers, squeezing it softly. “I don’t have all the answers, Maria. I wish I did. But I do know we can’t stay in this situation. We will not survive. At least, if we go, we have a shot at it. I have to have faith in that.”

Maria shut her eyes to try and calm her breathing down. She understood that Juan was right. The state of affairs in San Mateo was only getting worse, and there was no indication that there would be a turnaround. She had watched many other families leave, and she had heard the whispers of those who had gotten to the States and were now sending money back to their family. It was a risk, but a dangerously uncertain one. However, it was the only one they might take.

“When will we be departing?” she inquired, opening her eyes and fixing them on Juan.

“As soon as it's feasible,” Juan responded. “I’ve had a word with a guy in the neighboring village—a coyote. He has helped others get across the border. Maria, it won't be a walk in the park but he says he is sure he can get us over.”

Maria felt shivers sweep through her body at the mention of the coyote. She had heard the stories of these men, smugglers who charged extravagant amounts to help people cross the border. Some were trustworthy but others were so cruel that they were known for abandoning their victims in the desert or even worse. She was overtaken by the idea of putting their lives in the hands of a stranger.

“Can you tell me the price?” she inquired, her voice coming to her with difficulty.

“It is more than what we have,” said Juan, yet, “I have been trying to gather some cash by saving whatever I can. If we sell all the few items we possess now... we may have enough to pay for them.”

Maria's mind was flying in circles. Parting with their belongings, being uprooted from their home, and undertaking an adventure into the unknown, all looked to be the stuff of nightmares. But she was sure that this was the last option. An even worse thought was that they would stay in San Mateo, the place where their children would have to suffer along with the others.

“Is he, in your opinion, really trustworthy?” she asked needing to get some assurances.

Juan thought about it for a while and then nodded. “As much as I can place my trust circumstances allow. He has assisted others, Maria. They got there. They are in the U.S. now, the money is being sent to their families. Otherwise, I would have never considered this if I didn’t think it was our best chance.”

Maria was staring at her husband, watching the uneasiness furrow his brow. He was a man who always tries to protect and provide for his family, and this decision was driving him crazy. But he was willing to do whatever it took to make them live a better life, even if that meant putting everything at risk.

“Alright,” she said finally, her voice shaky. “We will go.”

Juan released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, and relief washed over him. He encircled Maria in his arms, hugging her tightly, as though seeking to shield her from the cruel reality that awaited them outside. “Thanks, Maria,” he whispered. “I promise I will do all I can to keep us safe.”

They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other until the light of day turned into darkness. The decision was already made, but the future held no guarantees. They knew how difficult the time ahead would be, and the risks they were taking, but at the same time, they knew there was no other way.

The next few days were a daze of getting ready. Juan and Maria sold everything they owned—Maria’s handcrafted blankets, Juan’s tools, and even Sofia’s doll. Each peso, they could collect was vital. The village was filled with stories and the buzzing voices of the neighbors who heard about the leaving plan. Some neighbors encouraged them while others warned them of the dangers. But the decision is done, and there was no turning back.

The day they are to leave is approaching, and they ponder the heavy weight of what they are to do. Maria put all the important things in one, small backpack. She filled it with two things: two bricks of bread, and the family’s most cherished items-A photo of her wedding day and their center of faith, a little wooden cross.

That particular evening, as their departure drew near, Maria followed the usual ritual of putting Sofia and Diego to bed but felt melancholy thinking that it would be their last night in this house. Due to the atmosphere, the children clearly felt something was off, but they were not really certain about the cause of it. Maria bade the two of them goodnight and whispered to them that they would have a much better life in the future.

Juan went through everything a second time. His nerves were frayed. They were to wait for the coyote at the edge of the village, where the darkness would help them hide their identities. They were to leave the very moment they arrived, so they must not linger to be discovered by any eyes.

The stars were twinkling above the quiet village as Juan and Maria rose with the children. Sofia and Diego, who were still half asleep, unwillingly let their parents hold their hands and took the last few steps to their home. The sweet smell of the ground, the echo of the night, and the trace of their life in San Mateo were still left as they moved away.

When they arrived at the designated place, the coyote was already there, his outline having cast a shadow as he simply nodded to greet them. He had no intention of being the one to waste their time with small talk. “We leave now,” was the first sentence he spoke to them in a low gruff voice. “Make sure to stick close and carry out my instructions to the letter.”

With a final glance back at the village, Juan and Maria squeezed their children’s hands and went along with the coyote into the darkness. There was no more second thoughts with the journey; it was their only way from now on.

……..to be continue

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