Lost In the Snow

Last night happened so fast I didn't know what I was doing. I took a drive to the mountains without realizing it had snowed the night before. I had enough money saved for a car. Instead I drove up the mountain top near the desert and found myself in a cabin the next day. I have to figure out how to fix this, I thought. Suddenly a knock at my door is exchanged and a beautiful brown-haired girl covered in white icicles is in front of me, again.

“What are you doing here" I proclaimed. "I just had to make sure you were okay" she said. "I thought you were through with me" I said. "I wanted to be sure you were okay". "Come in?" I asked. She backed off. "I can't make you happy Bill, you have to do that yourself so I just wanted to say goodbye" she explained with a teary eye. I didn't understand, I shouldnt't have left. In that moment, I looked down at the icy snow and gave it one last shot. "Your my peace when we fight I feel lost and when we don't I feel seen in the quietest of ways" "I love you, I need you" I said softly. " No, all you ever needed was to feel less alone. I can't be that for you anymore, I'm tired". Without hesitation, she storms off to her car and leaves me in the dry snow as it buckles underneath her car. She's gone.

Two years later

“I feel a lot better doctor, thank you” I said. “Well if you still need more session I can still help, Bill” the doctor said. “I think writing has gotten me somewhere and you” I said. “Well, I’ll be here” the doctor said. As I walked out of the office, a memory hit me of how I was when I first got there. How much I wanted my life to end. Now, I feel so much clearer, I thought.

As I sat in my car, tears rolled down my face. Instead of telling myself to stop being a baby, I just let them. I felt like all the work had paid off. The medication was working and my diagnosis was true.

As I arrive at the beautiful brown building library, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I walk in and see a sign with a book title called “If I can do it, you can too”. My first published book.

I stand in front of a crowd of people who took my book and thought it was so helpful and relatable to them.

“Thank you all for being here. Years ago, I wanted to take my life. I didn’t know what happiness felt like. I was doing everything I could for someone I loved but it wasn’t enough to help me. Now, I feel like that pain had purpose. If I can do it, so can you”. The crowd gave a warm clap as I sat down to read an exert out of the book.

When it was over, I gathered all of my things. A browned haired woman walked over to me with a smile. “You did so good, honey.” she said with a warm smile. We kissed. “I’ll meet you in the car”.

As I talked to the event makers, another browned hair woman I saw out of the corner of my eye came toward me. I was shocked. “Hi, Bill, you were so amazing.” she said. “I had no idea you felt so alone”. “Mary, hi, I did tell you.” I said. “I guess I wasn’t listening, I just wanted to say that I was sorry.” she said. A man walks over to us, and shakes my hand. “I’m a huge fan I read the book twice already.” he said.