I Feel You Now, Brian

Ozzy Osborne famously said that when he went to see the legendary faux-rock documentary This is Spinal Tap (1984), he was the only person in the theatre who wasn’t laughing.

It wasn’t that Spinal Tap wasn’t funny. It was that a lot of the movie felt too personal for him. Even at its most over-the-top, a lot of the struggles that England’s loudest rock band faces, from getting lost on the stage to misunderstandings about stage equipment (Stonehenge, anyone?) to misguided tour bookings were all things that many rock musicians could relate to. Michael McKean (David St. Hubbins) also once said that for all the rockers who came up to him and said how funny This is Spinal Tap was, a lot of musicians also have told him that it was the saddest movie they ever saw because they could relate to the comically bleak landscape that the band experienced.

More than a year ago, in February 2023, I felt that the time was right to finally do what I had been threatening to do for years, write my first novel. I had the characters, the setting, and almost 70% of my plot ready and in my head. It should have been as close to a cakewalk as possible.

More than a year later, I have only written three chapters.

In fairness, life happens, and I got busy with other tasks and responsibilities that year, so I didn’t have as much time to work on the novel as I intended. Then, there is the good old-fashioned handicap of writer’s block. It is amazing to realize that even when you have the story down and locked in, you can still struggle with feeling mentally blocked in getting it on the page. Finally, as any writer can attest, there is also the constant push and pull on whether you are writing something worthwhile.

On good days, I feel like I can write 10,000 words in one day, and I’m already imagining my speech when I win some literary awards.

On bad days, I question whether I’m fooling myself and whether I stand destined to be nothing more than the 21st-century answer to Salieri, doomed to recognize great work but only able to reach mediocre levels.

All of this is to say that I now relate to what has become a popular and iconic moment from Family Guy.

As Family Guy fans know (and I should clarify that I’m not a fan of any non-Stewie and Brian-related part of Family Guy) one of the old recurring running gags on the show involved Brian Griffin’s long attempt to write and finish a novel. For several seasons, it became a joke about how, even after three years had passed, Brian’s book was still a work in progress, and he just hadn’t found the time of day or any of the other writer’s excuses that all of us have definitely used.

In Season 4’s Brian the Bachelor, Brian gets to compete as a constant on The Bachelor. Seated next to Stewie, Brian notes despite seeing the show as “stupid”, he could use the vacation, to which Stewie sarcastically replies “Oh, yes, because you’ve got such a heavy workload around here.”

That leads to one of the most hilarious exchanges (well, mostly Stewie talking) in the show’s history.

Memorably, the episode ends with a dejected Brian regretting that he got suckered into the romance of the Bachelor experience. Stewie, in response, tells Brian that at least he will have some new material for his novel, which leads to...you know.

Again, as someone who isn’t a Family Guy fan, I found this clip one of the single funniest things I’ve heard…until I started writing my novel.

Admittedly, when I return to the “Brian’s Novel” clip today, I still have to hold in my laughter, but there is a relatability that colors over the laughter now.

I know that Brian Griffin isn’t always the most popular person with Family Guy fans (Search YouTube for the clip “Why Quagmire Hates Brian”) Like King of The Hill’s trinity of Buck Strickland, Cotton Hill, and even Hank’s beloved Peggy, Brian seems to have fans and viewers jumping back and forth between love and hate. However, even those who hate him can’t argue that his writing struggles are familiar to anybody who feels they have a story to tell.

One YT commentator wrote, in response to the video, that Brian’s problem is that he knew, subconsciously, he was a crappy writer and that he feared being judged once he finally finished his novel. In other words, Brian could stay safely in the category of a “work in progress.”

It could be argued that Brian’s fear was justified based on what happened when he finally finished his novel (Season 11’s Brian Writes a Bestseller) but that’s another story.

As I write this, I’m taking some of the strongest attempts I’ve made in months to resume writing my novel. I even planned my weekends to drive out to some of the locations my book is set in to continue my research.

Like any writer, I understand I’m responsible for as many of my roadblocks (procrastination, fear, doubt) as fate can be sometimes. The best I can hope for is that I have enough strength to face each challenge when the time comes.

Sincerely: Random Access Moods