How to speak so that people want to listen

The most powerful tool we all possess, capable of inciting wars or conveying deep love, is our ability to speak. Yet, many people feel unheard when they express themselves. Why does this happen? How can we speak with influence and bring about change in the world? I propose that there are certain habits we must let go of—the seven deadly sins of speaking. While this list may not cover every pitfall, these seven habits are significant stumbling blocks we all encounter.

To begin, there is gossip—speaking negatively about someone who is not present. It is an unpleasant habit, and we know deep down that someone who gossips about others will likely do the same about us. Next is judging. It is difficult to listen to someone who constantly scrutinizes and finds fault in us. Thirdly, there is negativity. When someone becomes excessively negative, like my mother did in her later years, it becomes challenging to engage in meaningful conversation. I recall a conversation with her where I mentioned it was October 1st, and she responded, "I know, isn't it dreadful?" Extreme negativity makes it hard to have constructive dialogue. Similarly, complaining has become an art form in some cultures, but it only spreads misery instead of fostering positivity and lightness in the world.

Moving on, we have excuses—the tendency to shift blame and avoid taking responsibility for our actions. It's frustrating to listen to someone who consistently deflects accountability. The sixth habit is embroidery or exaggeration, which can diminish the impact of our words. When we overuse hyperbole, our words lose authenticity, and this can eventually lead to outright lying. People naturally lose trust in those who they know are not truthful. Lastly, there is dogmatism—the inability to differentiate between facts and opinions. When individuals forcefully impose their opinions as absolute truths, it becomes challenging to engage in genuine dialogue.

These seven deadly sins of speaking are habits we should strive to avoid. However, there is a positive approach to consider. I suggest that four powerful cornerstones can give our speech a transformative impact and facilitate change in the world. Conveniently, these cornerstones form the word "hail," which perfectly aligns with how our words will be received if we embrace them.

The "H" stands for honesty—being truthful, straightforward, and clear in our speech. The "A" represents authenticity—embracing our true selves and speaking from our genuine experience. Authenticity allows us to firmly stand in our own truth. The "I" signifies integrity—being reliable, trustworthy, and following through on our words. People are more likely to listen to those who have demonstrated integrity. Lastly, the "L" symbolizes love. Not romantic love, but a genuine wish for the well-being of others. Love tempers honesty, preventing it from becoming hurtful, and it also makes it difficult for us to judge others while genuinely wishing them well.

So, "hail" represents the positive qualities we should cultivate in our speech to make a meaningful impact. But it's not just about what we say—it's also about how we say it. We possess an incredible toolbox for communication, but unfortunately, many people never explore its contents. Allow me to delve into this toolbox and share a few techniques that can enhance the power of your speech.

Firstly, there's register—the placement of your voice. While falsetto may not be useful in most situations, finding the right register can add weight and authority to your words. Then there's timbre—the texture and feel of your voice. Research indicates that we prefer voices that are rich, smooth, and warm, like savoring hot chocolate. If your voice doesn't naturally possess these qualities, fear not, as you can train and improve it through exercises, posture, and breathing techniques.

Prosody is another technique that influences how we convey meaning. It's the sing-song quality in our speech that enhances communication. Speaking in a monotonous tone or using repetitive prosody can make it challenging for others to listen and understand. Varying your pace can also emphasize certain points and create impact. And let's not forget the power of silence—a well-placed pause can be incredibly powerful and need not be filled with unnecessary filler words like "ums" and "ahs."

Pitch and volume contribute to the expressiveness of our speech. By modulating pitch, we can convey different emotions or highlight specific words or phrases. Volume, too, can be adjusted to evoke excitement or command attention. However, it's essential to avoid constantly speaking at a high volume, as it is inconsiderate and unpleasant for others. Lastly, we mustn't overlook the importance of silence.

All these techniques come into play when we have something significant to communicate. Whether it's delivering a talk on stage, proposing marriage, asking for a raise, or giving a wedding speech, it's crucial to prepare and warm up our voice for maximum impact. Allow me to demonstrate the six vocal warm-up exercises I personally perform when I need to prepare my voice for an important speakingengagement:

Lip trills: Gently press your lips together and blow air through them, creating a buzzing sound. This exercise helps relax and warm up the lips and facial muscles.

Humming: Start by making a low humming sound and gradually move up the pitch scale. Humming helps engage the vocal cords and resonators, preparing them for extended and dynamic speech.

Tongue twisters: Recite tongue twisters that involve various sounds and articulation movements. This exercise improves clarity and dexterity in speech.

Breath control exercises: Practice deep breathing exercises to expand your lung capacity and improve breath control. Inhale deeply through your nose, filling your abdomen with air, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat several times to increase your breath support.

Vocal range exercises: Sing scales or glide through your vocal range, starting from your lowest comfortable note and gradually moving up to your highest note. This exercise warms up your entire vocal range and increases flexibility.

Articulation exercises: Pronounce and exaggerate consonant sounds, such as "p," "t," and "s." This exercise helps improve enunciation and precision in speech.

Remember, these exercises are just a starting point, and you can customize them to suit your specific needs and preferences. Consistent practice and proper vocal warm-up can significantly enhance the power and effectiveness of your speaking.