The Secret to Feeling Beautiful (That has little to do with makeup)

So, it has finally come to week 4 and the first tricky piece of my year-long challenge to write a piece in each community here on Vocal, one every week.

I have not written in the Blush community. Until now. As a man who does the bare minimum in skincare when I feel up to it and often less than that on darker days, and who does not wear makeup, it doesn't feel like it's really my place to write.

However, a challenge is a challenge and so here we are.

Why does makeup, something so personal and creative, often feel like an obligation for so many?

I wanted to talk about make-up and the pressure there seems to be on women, or those who identify as women (I am sure you know what I mean, I just don't want to exclude anyone), to wear it, even if they don't want to.

As a person, not just a man, this has always been something I've struggled to understand. It extends to many other parts of my feelings and beliefs on the way we should live our lives as individuals. Don't get me wrong, makeup, when applied correctly, can make an already beautiful person even more striking, or just different. I love going out with my wife when she puts on some makeup - she looks great and it makes it feel all the more special. We are designed to like things that we consider attractive, after all.

I also think, from a dating point of view, it shows a level of respect or consideration for the importance of the time you spend with someone. Putting effort in. That is the same for all people involved. I am sure my wife appreciates when we go out for dinner if I get out of my pyjammas and shower etc.

Does that mean I will think any differently of my wife if she decided she didn't want to wear makeup? Of course not. My love for my wife is not based on how she chooses to dress, groom or prepare herself. If she doesn't want to wear makeup, that's up to her. And that is where I find myself in any debates about these kinds of things - it's up to the person and noone else. Rachel Deeming did a piece titled The Power of the Brand for the Styled community as part of her own take on this year-long challenge that feels appropriate to the more broader discussion.

Publications like Vogue, Elle and Cosmopolitan and influencers (I hate that word, really hate that word) on social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok, can be helpful. They offer guides and reviews of products and how to get the best out of makeup.

What they also do, is project their own agenda. Vogue and the like are focused on selling these looks and the products that can be used to achieve them. Even if there is no direct monetary kickback to an article they will benefit in it in some way.

With influencers this is even more apparent. Even if they are not directly promoting a specific product, they are promoting their own brand at the very least. They want you to click the follow/subscribe button, the like, the heart, comment and share it. So they can make money.

Which is fine.

We live, especially in the western world, in a very capitalist society.

But like Rachel noted in her piece that there are pressures to live up to unrealistic expectations by buying the most recent and incredibly expensive products from Big Fashion Brands, I believe there are similar pressures to buy the best makeup products and those that are seen as "in trend".

While there is some argument for avoiding buying cheap and cheerful products that you are going to put on the most sensitive of organs, your skin, I would counter that neither do you need to pay ridiculous amounts just to "fit in". That's the point really. I don't believe we need to do anything in this life to just fit in.

You may want to follow a certain celebrity or influencer (damn that word sticks in my throat) and I am by no means bashing anyone for doing so, but it's the pressure that, in my view, makes it dangerous.

While some influencers create genuine, inspiring tutorials and content that promote self-expression above all else, it's important to recognise the financial incentives driving the content available online. Hell, even this article is written from a viewpoint to at least make a few cents from reads.

From Chanel to Rimmel, every brand ultimately has the same goal: to sell you a vision of beauty. They care about your money, first and foremost. Understanding that and still buying their products doesn't make you wrong.

Makeup isn’t just for women—it’s a tool for self-expression for anyone, regardless of gender, and should never feel like an obligation.

Whether you love a bold red lip or prefer a bare face, the most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence in your own choices on what makes you look and feel good and authentically you.

Rant over. It's interesting, because I went into this with an idea of what I felt, but writing it made me appreciate how personal and creative makeup can be—and how important it is that we each feel free to express ourselves, or not, in ways that truly feel right for us.

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Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: Well, that's week 4 done of my ABCommunities challenge, where I will write in each of the communities here on Vocal, once a week, including those that I have so far avoided writing in. I struggled all week before writing this today with what I would consider, so leaned into my love of a good rant.

Please follow Rachel Deeming who is also taking part in this challenge, though with a slightly different approach.

More details here, at least about Rachel's take on the challenge:

My previous entry for this challenge:

Here are some other things:

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