"You'll Be In My Heart"

Well... We all know Phil Collins 'You'll Be In My Heart.' This is the song that broke my heart and put it back together again. It was the night of my cousin's bar-mitzvah. I was staring at the star-filled sky with the and comfort of my uncle's arms around me.

I asked, "Uncle, why do the kids at school call me different. I don't understand why?"

He said, "You are an extraordinary young girl with a lot to yet to offer the world being different just makes you a rarer diamond to find in which only the right people will cherish."

I remember I smiled. I admired him so much. I did not quite understand the depth of what he was honestly saying. I was too young. We decided to head back inside. My uncle asked me for a dance. We danced to some 80's hits. Joy was bursting at every move we made. Then 'You'll Be In My Heart' by Phil Collins came on. This song has brought me so much comfort and filled my heart with love at the time.

My uncle whispered in my ear, "Rose, if you ever feel alone, sad, or feel as if your heart truly aches, know that I will always be there. If you search deep in your heart, I'll be there. Whenever you need me—listen to this song, and I will be there".

I still remember the sound of his last footsteps walking toward me like a crescendo. I knew he was closer. What once was the most joyous sound became a sound that carried so much sadness. It was a sound I never knew I would miss so much. He knew exactly what to say to make me feel so special. I truly believed I could fly when I was in his loving arms. He brought real happiness to my life, made my world a better place. He was the small beacon of light luring me away from the darkness. I did not have the easiest to a childhood growing up; there are various reasons. Six years after his passing, I wake up one day, finally feeling OK. I have gone through some tough situations at school. This time things took a turn for the worst. I had the most gruesome day of my teenage years. Saddens me to say it was one of my most memorable high school days. I had gone to school that morning feeling refreshed like things could only go up from here, but I was completely unaware of how tragically wrong I was. I was very excited because I knew we were going to watch 'Romeo & Juliet' and how I love thee, Sir Shakespeare. After the class, the bell rang for lunch. As I walked outside the classroom door, I remember the smell of the school lunch being made. The smell of freshly baked English muffins influenced the air. I was expecting to meet my so-called friend Sima. I was always happy to see her as she was my only friend at the school. The only person I truly believed I could trust. She was the only person I ever opened up to really. She was my first and only friend at the time. She was someone who made me feel safe to be myself. I started to head to the area we were 'supposed' to meet. I felt my gut was screaming at me some warning. I could not understand why. I then found out why. A group of the popular kids were told that I was supposed to be there. They thought it would be the perfect timing to plan an attack. I was supposed to die that day according to their plans. These kids were torturing me almost every day, but this time it was severe. They had told me they wanted to apologize for how they have been bullying me all this time. They told me we do this thing where we surround the people we want to apologize to with a group hug joining them into our group. They claimed all of this with a smile. Their vicious intent disguised as a genuine reconciliation. I was ready to put up the white flag. I walked toward them, and they hurdled me into what looked like a hug. They started beating me until I could no longer stand, and my eyes would begin to close slowly. Every hit was more potent than the next. Every kick, every punch was making me weaker and weaker. Felt as if I was being electrocuted as every hit was pulsating through my body with a powerful thrust. I watched with a vision so unclear it seemed to be all unreal. I saw their hand being coated with a bursting of red paint that soaked them and me. I knew their hands were stained with blood. My blood. I thought this was the end. At the moment where I was about to give up, my uncle popped in my mind. I felt his presence actively telling me to fight. Out of nowhere, 'You'll Be In My Heart' plays in my head. It was as if my ears could hear every word, instrument, and the melody so clear. It gave me the will to fight because I knew he was beside me. I found an opening between a gap of their legs. I used whatever power I had left to push the person's leg aside, and I ran. I ran so far, so hard feeling every pain along with every movement I made. I just knew I had to keep going. Each breath was short and weak, but I gathered whatever strength I could. I harnessed the pain to power within strength; there was survival. I started to see a shape form I wasn't sure, but I knew my uncle was telling me to run toward it, and there it was a brown door. I was never happier to see such a plain brown door in my entire teenage life. I could not see where I was headed. Just as I reached the door, a teacher comes out of the door. She sees me screams for help as she barely catches my fall. My head hit the ground it was all black. I do not remember what happened at this exact moment. I woke up to the sound of teachers panicking around me. Yet it was hearing my mother's voice on the phone I knew I made it. I was alive! The teachers carried me inside to safety. They had called an ambulance in which at the time, my family could not afford it. A few moments before my mother arrives, my friend, Sima, texts me to meet her outside as no one is allowed in this room. She wanted to know if I was ok, she texted. I could barely walk, so I just met her outside of the door. I was happy to see her.

"I am sorry I couldn't meet you but I was stopped, and well you know the rest," I said.

"Oh gosh, don't even worry about that, are you ok?" She asked.

I said, "I'll be ok. I am just glad you weren't there speaking of which, why weren't you there?"

She replied, saying she had to tell me something as tears started to run down her face. I could tell she was filled with regret. She could barely get the words out. She then confessed. Her voice getting crackled with each word spoken. She explains how it all happened. She was the culprit. My heart with every beat that felt like a loud bang aches further and further. I felt as if she sharpened a dagger only then to stab it in my heart through my back. I collapse to the ground with tears. She explained she created a hateful page on Facebook against me. They would post pictures of me without me knowing and talk about how much they wished I was dead. They talked about how fun it would be to sexually assault me. They talked about how funny it would be to decapitate me in a jokingly manner. They spoke of other awful, unspeakable statements. They had planned to kill me using this page was how they connected. They then created a text group to organize the attack. They squeezed out of Sima, where we usually meet to hang out and arranged how all the pieces of the plan would fall in to place. Sima was unaware they would go through with it. She took down the page. Reported everybody to the principal bringing him the printed chats for evidence which later on the school handed them to the police. She continuously expressed how sorry she was. She said she did it because she always wanted to be popular. By betraying me, she could, in return, gain access to popularity. She said she knew it was the worst reason to give. She said her heart is filled with guilt. I was in a state of shock. I could not hear it as I was in too much pain to understand. I wanted her as far away from me as possible. I told her she is a terrible human being. I told her I won't ever forget this moment. I told her to leave. She then ran away, crying. Not only was they're physical damages. There was also a heartbreak led by total betrayal. This was the first time I ever had my heart truly broken by a good supposed friend. When my mother arrived, she took me home to a doctor. She then returned to school. She demanded to know who was behind this. She threatened to sue the school. The school expelled all kids that were involved and reported them to the police. It took about six months of physical healing and three years of therapy to get back to myself again. Approximately six years after the fact I had, I was doing better. Food started to taste sweeter still, and things I once loved begun to fall back on my lap. I welcomed it with a long-overdue smile. Put the radio on in the car on the way home. The 'song' played 'You'll Be In My Heart," I thought to myself, "please don't let this be the song." Yet I was OK. I could bare it this time around. I finally felt like things could get better.

I had to endure quite a bit of darkness and pain for a child. My Uncle Jacob made it all ok. Whenever this song played after his sudden parting, I felt the worst possible pain in my heart. It felt as if it was the end of the world. I felt so alone. It was as if the world got colder, time stopped, and darkness had taken over. Nothing seemed ok. Food tasted bitter or had no taste at all. Thing's I once loved was hidden underneath a cloaked soaked in pain. I still remember the anguish. I felt like breathing required a significant amount of effort. Nothing felt the same for a long time. I could not play the song nor hear it. I would have been broken all over again. I would feel my heart being torn open from my chest over and over again until the song stopped playing. It was a tough period in my life.

I decided as I am a singer and am passionate about music. I am going to sing the song to see if I could handle it. After a month and a half of practice, I finally sang it. I felt him again; he was right there behind my shoulder watching over me. After this moment, I finally understood why he whispered what he did that day. He knew I would need this song to help me through hardships in life and to help me find him again through music. I am now 23 years old; almost 13-14 years had passed since his passing. I am now happily living in my cozy apartment with a man I love that I am so lucky to have and our little puppy.

I hear or sing this song whenever I need his guidance again with a smile on my face and a warmth in my heart. I am in a better place thanks to him, and this song helping me get through it all. This song helped me conquer things I never thought I could get through. This song will always have a special place deep in my soul. As the song correctly states, I know he will still be in my heart. I hope this helps anyone who had a loss or has been bullied to find some peace in knowing it does get better, and loved ones are never truly gone. They are still right there. "Just look over your shoulder," sings 'Phil Collins.

This story is dedicated to my uncle Jacob

.P.s. I love you uncle