The Beat of My Teenage Soul

Teen years. The most confusing, angry, and happiest time of my life. My teen years did not consist of parties, sneaking out, and the like. I was a bit of an angry teen, confused and looking for who I was. What got me through these trying times? My music. If my teen years were to have a soundtrack, it would sound mostly like DMX. Then throw some Aaliyah, Missy Elliot, and Usher, Kelly Price, and the list goes on. My jam walking to school in the morning was always filled with the sound of DMX's "It's Dark and Hell is Hot" to get me through the day. Listening to this seemingly confusing mix of music got me through different points of my teen years, and may have helped shape the person I am today. I lived in a dangerous neighborhood as a teen and went to an equally dangerous high school. It was easy to ignore the strange men following you to school with your headphones on, drowning out the constant catcalling. "Ruff Ryders Anthem" helped make me feel as if I was braver than I was when facing the "mean girls" of high school.

Like every other teen in America, I went through feelings of anger towards my mother, who had been a single parent my whole life. My mother did the best she could when I was a teen, working hard to care for myself and my three other siblings. This is not how I saw it when I was a teen, although as I got older I started to understand. I didn't understand why we couldn't afford the same things other people could, and why we couldn't live in the same places other people lived. Music helped me understand that I wasn't alone and that it was perfectly normal to feel like I did.

Every person has a different story of their teen years, and if we all had a playlist for those tremulous years, they all would sound different. Music got a lot of us through those years and still getting us through our adulthood, although the music may have changed a bit. If there was a beat to my teenage soul, these top 5 would be it:

1. DMX It's Dark and Hell is Hot (DMX, Entire Album 1998)

This album is number one because it got me through my toughest times. Listening to this helped me forget about all of the stress of home life, high school, and personal struggles. I drowned out the sounds of the outside world when listening to this album, and it seemed as if I was someone else. No one could reach me when I was drowned in this musical trance, and it was a moment of bliss for me in a world of pain and disappointment. DMX's raspy voice spoke to me in a way that no one else could at that time. DMX's passing was personal for me in this respect, and like most people like me, I felt it deeply. If my teen soul could say anything to him, it would be thank you.

2. One in a Million (Aaliyah)

Aaliyah's One in a Million makes my top 5 for helping me through confusing feelings of crushes and first relationships. I enjoyed hearing the angelic voice of the now-late Aaliyah, jamming to this album in my room mostly, drowning out everyone else. I pretended to be carefree while listening to her, envisioning myself in situations and pretending to be her. At one time, I even wanted to wear my hair like her, dress like her, and, wished I could really sing like her. I thought those things would have saved me from the life I was in, and although it was an unrealistic dream, the temporary dream helped get my teen self through.

3. Jagged Little Pill (Alanis Morisette, Entire Album, 1995)

This album made my top five for being the official favorite album of my now-deceased older sister and me. I remember riding in my sister's first car, a little 4 door red car, listening to this entire album singing along to it together. She didn't know this at this time, but riding in the car listening and singing along with her meant the world to me, it was just me and my big sister. Anytime I had a hard day, arguing with my mom, failed a test, or even coming home from being bullied again, my sister would ride me in her car and we would jam to this album. This album reminds me that my sister meant everything to me and that that moment in time was my happiest.

4. With Arms Wide Open (Creed, Human Clay, 1999)

This song was just a simply beautiful song to me when I was a teen, and I listened to it over and over. I loved the voice of the lead singer in this group and thought this particular song was the best one. I jammed to this while doing pretty much anything, but especially studying. I loved listening to this while doing homework or studying for a test, and yes I had it on repeat.

5. Da Real World (Missy Elliott, Entire Album, 1999)

Missy Elliot's "Da Real World" album makes my top 5 because I simply thought she was awesome. Her style, her voice, her creativity, the list goes on. She made it ok to be as creative as you wanted in the music business, and I was here for it. My teen self loved Missy Elliott, and her songs followed me in my teen years. I even wore the dark lipstick that she did, and fancied myself to be her (in my teen imagination). Missy Elliott taught me to be myself, and walk to the beat of my own drum, and this was extremely important when I was finding myself in those confusing teen years.

As difficult as it was to narrow this list down to just 5, these are the 5 that really defined my teen years. There were many more songs, and many more albums during these years, and they all meant a lot to me for one reason or another. The music spoke to my troubled teen soul like no other person could, and served as a form of therapy for me back then. I can't imagine my teen years without music, and what I would have done without it. There seemed to be a song for each and every emotion I felt, and I lived for the stream of new music that flowed in the '90s. I would attribute my love for music to the teachings of my older sister, who taught me how to drown myself in music as she did. Sitting on her bed listening to the range of music that she listened to, and being taught how to listen for the meaning of songs meant the world to me and helped shape the adult I am today. In part, we can thank the music for getting me through my most trying, confusing, angry, and happiest times are affectionately known as the teenage years.