Take It Back to Move Forward

Five years ago, I scrubbed my YouTube playlist clean of all the old favorites. What a mistake that WAS.

One year later, I heard an old tune on the radio, and it bled an important reminder to pay attention to the mistakes of the past to better my future self. So, despite what may be your hesitation, let's go back for a minute:

Remember "Ho Hey" by the Lumineers? "I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons? "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men?

The early 2010s were a simpler time of beanies and flannel. You'd listen to acoustic guitar as you scrolled through curated Instagram feeds of misty mountains and winding highways. You would stare down the black abyss of your espresso while you mulled over the quote from Word Porn that you just saw:

Truer for you now than it was then, I hope.

However cheesy a time it might have been, revisiting the songs I listened to reminds me of how far I've come. Back then, I was a high schooler fumbling with depression, anorexia, heartbreaks, and loneliness. I'd listen to mournful indie music and gush tears like a sudsy sponge being squeezed. I'd scroll through Tumblr until I hit words that cut like glass, usually highlighted in some esoteric, uncredited book. Then? You guessed it— more cathartic waterworks.

But I was hardly alone in those feelings; those bands got it. They carried me through a lot of long nights. It turns out I only needed time until I evolved into a mature, emotionally stable young adult. Mostly.

I made it out alive, but once I solved those equations, harder ones materialized. Work responsibilities drowned most of my waking hours, finances deluged the rest. Friends moved away, I moved away, and most of my days were spent with strangers that would never be anything more. I don't miss being a teenager, yet I do.

That's why I gravitated back to my old music. Whenever I feel like I'm not enough in my present life, I revisit out the old tunes. I remember that what wrecked me years ago means nothing now, and this too shall pass. Though I also have a playlist of old upbeat music, this is the playlist I listen to for an emotional pick-me-up:

The Playlist Paradox

The best part? This playlist isn't for you. It's for me, a fingerprint of the years I grew up, the feelings I struggled with, and the lyrics that spoke to me. You don't have to get it. You don't have to enjoy it. It's my fingerprint. I could paint you a picture about why each of these songs is memorable, but that would bore you to tears. Still, I can show you how I made this for myself.

A few years back, I challenged myself and my friends to each make a playlist of 100 songs that had had an impact on us. As I was selecting my own songs, I rode an emotional rollercoaster realizing how far I'd come. To select my songs, I went through these steps:

1. What songs can you remember listening to off the top of your head? Add those first. Those are your most significant songs.
2. What songs can you find by scouring old records? Check Pandora, your CD collection, your record collection, YouTube, your tape collection, 8tracks and the other places you listened to songs.
3. Listen to what you have. This is the domino effect, where you'll suddenly remember several other songs you listened to like these ones. Have some flashbacks!
4. Save everything in one digital place. I chose Spotify for this one. If you have more obscure songs to add, YouTube might be a better choice.

When I listened to my friends' playlists, I got to hear their own pain and triumphs, and I found a few new favorite songs myself. I learned one of my friends secretly loves Fallout Boy, and another one had a System of a Down phase. I learned that they also experienced rejection, had teenage depression, or grew up in bad homes.

My defining developmental years were some pseudo-hipster breakdown. Not everybody I knew struck that path. However, I'm it would be helpful for all of us to revisit old music and give ourselves a mental check-in!

Pave Your Own Playlist

When you can, close your eyes and reflect. Beanies and hipsters? No, back in your day it was all about hairspray and aerobics. Or maybe you weren't depressed, you were skipping from school to school before you could even get your feet on the ground, or you were so caught up in your parents' expectations for you that you were drowning in extracurriculars.

That's why you need to make your own playlist. What spoke to Teen You? Take a look in a lyrical mirror and carve out time to reflect on where you are now. That's a key part of becoming self-aware.

This is especially important when most of us are feeling stagnant in our growth. You could reach an epiphany by meditating on the old you. Hear the message past you is speaking by proxy of your favorite bands.